You’re in her dms. I know where her mom’s tupperware lids go

Buying buncha crunch at the theater for Wake Up Dead Man: Forgive me, it has been 8 weeks since my last concession

Portland, a Sunday. The Nissan leaf with a practice radical empathy bumper sticker starts tailgating the trans flag unicorn power ranger doordasher on an e-bike. 3 crows shit on my windshield. The sun sets at 3:38pm

Grower not a shower (personality)

Bricked up on turkey day all by yourself, gorgeous?

Being alive right now feels like being a cat in an A24 movie

Just got the call. fired. I was the DEI coordinator at Duolingo. They’re gonna start putting slurs in “Basics 2” of every language now.

If inflation ever makes them reduce the amt of peanut butter in chocolate peanut butter ice cream, I will k ll myself

“Bruv” is a portmanteau of bro and love and I think that’s just wonderful

Whenever I walk past this church I’m like, Aren’t they all though?

Every time I look at the band name Mott the Hoople I feel I’m having a stroke