Only two options. Suffer and grow, or perish like the parasite that I am.

All I can do is try, fail. Then try again, fail. And continue this psychotic loop until something clicks in my fuckass brain that let's me do the goddamn thing. Assuming it ever does and I don't end up driving myself absolutely insane from repetition.

Im mostly just venting again, upset at myself for the amount of times ive given up on art and how much I want to do it. I can't forgive myself for being such a fool. It pisses me off, I crave the act of creation yet fall apart so easily when needing to learn how to do it

Maybe im not cut out to be a creative. And if not, so be it. But what kind of existence is that? Existence is to suffer. Passion is to suffer for what you love. If I must suffer to exist, I want to create while suffering. At least something good comes out of it that way

I want to make music. I am willing to suffer to achieve what I want. I just wish I had someone to help me through the jumbled mess that is art. There's so much passion behind these eyes that its practically pouring out and flooding the place. I want to create, I crave the act of creation

I say neverending race because music is one of those things that seems impossible to master. No matter how long you do it, there's always more to learn. In a lot of ways its great, always things to do and improve upon. But again, insanely overwhelming from a newbies point of view

And while its great and opens the door to many opportunities, its difficult to deal with as someone who has little to no idea what the fuck they're doing. Its overwhelming. There's not even a starting point for this really either. Just join in the neverending race of learning music

Typically, I like learning things with a set structure. Something that I can easily visualize progress in, something that can be defined and specified with specific ways to work on it. But that's not there with music, there is no set structure or way to do anything

Also since I know someone's gonna mention it
(My understanding of music theory is "play things in same key, sound good. Play things in not same key, sound bad. Only use one key, or else bad. Use music theory, or else bad musician.) Please correct me if im wrong. I want my hating to be factual

Ultimately im sure that this is simply a product of the way I learn and how my brain functions. But the point being that if youre willing enough to listen to someone you should be willing enough to give them actual useful information and not "just go do it 6head KEKW"

Its like asking someone with a degree a question about something their degree pertains to and they just look at you and go "just Google it" like what??? You do this thing everyday for a living and yet you can't explain it to me and tell me how to start doing it myself with specifics?

I understand where theyre coming from, however if youre talking to someone like me, understand that im asking for specifics. Something as delicate and amazing as art cant simply be summed up as "just start doing it and you'll get there". Youre already an artist, im asking because you KNOW ALREADY

And some infrared shots

Well if I want to make the fighting game I have in mind, concept art is a necessity
Gotta learn to draw for that, and just because it's a skill I've always wanted to have. I've just lacked the patience

I appreciate it homie
I like em too. Just can't consider em art, or myself an artist
Need to start practicing actual art

But until I acquire the skill to draw well, make music, be able to paint well, etc. I cannot take the title of an artist without feeling like I'm disrespecting everyone who spent years practicing their skills
This is mostly just a scream into the void post. Something to get off my chest

Just feels, disrespectful. Im sure I'm overthinking it, especially considering most if not everyone ive talked to about it thinks of photography as art. The best analogy I have is I feel like I bought my way into a good college as opposed to others who worked their ass off to get there

This is not to say that photography isn't art. It is an art medium that many use and do very well. But for me, taking the title of artist when the effort that's put into capturing and editing a photo seems like merely a fraction of the effort that goes into something like a detailed drawing-