Matt
@zamattiac.bsky.social
Shamelessly copying over my best tweets
I need to Pokémon Go to the emergency room
November 14, 2024 at 4:44 PM
I need to Pokémon Go to the emergency room
Back in the nineties they could only predict the calendar for one month in the future
December 1, 2023 at 2:08 PM
Back in the nineties they could only predict the calendar for one month in the future
Ross Lynch walked away from that music video like wow that girl Troye was pretty
November 25, 2023 at 3:57 PM
Ross Lynch walked away from that music video like wow that girl Troye was pretty
Is this their mayor or something
November 23, 2023 at 2:58 PM
Is this their mayor or something
My alarm texts me a minute-by-minute status of the alarm and my texts set an alarm every time I get a text it never ends
November 18, 2023 at 1:58 PM
My alarm texts me a minute-by-minute status of the alarm and my texts set an alarm every time I get a text it never ends
If you wash your hands really well you should count as clean for future transgressions as well
November 16, 2023 at 5:35 PM
If you wash your hands really well you should count as clean for future transgressions as well
I am dr. Frankenstein and my laboratory is the toilet room
November 15, 2023 at 3:01 AM
I am dr. Frankenstein and my laboratory is the toilet room
A TV remote that can be inserted rectally
November 14, 2023 at 1:53 PM
A TV remote that can be inserted rectally
Every time I diagnose someone with anxiety and tell them to take medicine, they’re already on lexapro. Useless ass medication
November 14, 2023 at 1:46 PM
Every time I diagnose someone with anxiety and tell them to take medicine, they’re already on lexapro. Useless ass medication
The Peanuts Movie wasn’t even about George Washington Carver like I expected
November 10, 2023 at 11:25 PM
The Peanuts Movie wasn’t even about George Washington Carver like I expected
At least ONE person must’ve shown up to the Geneva Convention in cosplay, that name is so misleading
November 9, 2023 at 12:55 PM
At least ONE person must’ve shown up to the Geneva Convention in cosplay, that name is so misleading
When they have Comic-Con or furry events there is it still called the Geneva convention
November 6, 2023 at 4:44 AM
When they have Comic-Con or furry events there is it still called the Geneva convention
Am I an Ally? Which type, world war 2 or gay
November 5, 2023 at 2:07 AM
Am I an Ally? Which type, world war 2 or gay
Lots of people have serious nut allergies but on the other hand … I don’t know I like walnuts? 🤷
October 31, 2023 at 4:40 PM
Lots of people have serious nut allergies but on the other hand … I don’t know I like walnuts? 🤷
Medina in Saudi Arabia is the Mecca of Islamic pilgrimages
October 31, 2023 at 1:33 AM
Medina in Saudi Arabia is the Mecca of Islamic pilgrimages
My doctor took my X-rays to the other room and I hear him grunting?
October 4, 2023 at 11:24 PM
My doctor took my X-rays to the other room and I hear him grunting?
Imagine becoming an ambulance driver to save lives and the first day your boss tells you to drive as fast as possible
September 9, 2023 at 2:26 AM
Imagine becoming an ambulance driver to save lives and the first day your boss tells you to drive as fast as possible
You share 60% of your dna with a banana… i only share 40. The kids in the schoolyard were merciless. They called me names… but they’ve all died and they’re in hell now
September 9, 2023 at 2:23 AM
You share 60% of your dna with a banana… i only share 40. The kids in the schoolyard were merciless. They called me names… but they’ve all died and they’re in hell now
Idea: host a pancake contest with a grand prize of $50 - for $50 you get to eat all the best pancakes in town
September 9, 2023 at 2:22 AM
Idea: host a pancake contest with a grand prize of $50 - for $50 you get to eat all the best pancakes in town
Oh fuck this life boat is only waterproof on the inside shit shit shit shit
September 6, 2023 at 12:04 PM
Oh fuck this life boat is only waterproof on the inside shit shit shit shit
New Yorkers be like we can take the Q to the 4 to the W via the LMNOP
September 4, 2023 at 5:46 PM
New Yorkers be like we can take the Q to the 4 to the W via the LMNOP
This Bluesky code came just in time bc my LinkedIn posts were not doing well
September 4, 2023 at 4:08 PM
This Bluesky code came just in time bc my LinkedIn posts were not doing well