Hola, amigos, I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya. It's been a long time, been a long time, been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time. Let's just say there's been a lot of upheaval and leave it at that so we can get down to what's bugging me: how the PGMOL rigged things in Everton's favor in ways that will make it that much easier for Liverpool to win the league—not that they need the help.

So. It's all but settled then. We'll face one of Feyenoord or PSV Eindhoven in the round of 16. First things first, it has to feel like drawing either Dutch side is better than drawing either of the Italian sides (I might enjoy seeing us slay at the San Siro, but that's another story for another day). It's not just that either Italian side would have offered a stiffer challenge; the other consideration is whom we might face should we advance past our Dutch opponents.

Clearly, in Ethan Nwaneri, we have a preternatural prodigy of a player, one who is already drawing fawning comparisons to other players at home and abroad. At just seventeen years of age, one thing rings like a clarion call in the night: we simply must ramp up the hype around this lad as high as it goes. To eleven, if needs be.

To be clear, the 0-2 scoreline suggests a rather comfortable win over Leicester, but the reality is that we laboured for most of the match with the worse-than-hapless Raheem Sterling doing his best to join the ranks of Chelsea castaways to nick a living at the Arsenal. In the end, though, it was Arteta, not really known for his tactical flexibility, indulging a bit of "total football" back in order to turn this match on its head.

Yes, this one was always going to be an emotional cauldron. The 120th and final Merseyside derby at Goodison Park, with the hosts and their visitors about as far apart as can be. Liverpool started …

Of all of the Greek myths, was anyone more hapless or useless than Epimetheus, the Titan whose supposed gift was afterthought? Keep that in mind as we launch into an ex post facto investigation into Kai Havertz's season-ending hamstring tear and our failure to sign a striker in January. If only to get my historical allusions out of the way early, I'll add that Søren Kierkegaard once said that "life can only be understood looking backwards but must be lived looking forwards." Put that in your pipes and smoke it.

Despite our earlier optimism engendered by having humiliated Man City just before the FA Cup fourth round's fourth round enforced a break on us, and despite our retreat to Dubai to resurrect our campaign, much as we did last season, we instead find ourselves over a barrel after news that Kai Havertz suffered an as-yet unspeciified injury, suspected to be hamstring-related.

December 2023 was a a dark time. It was the worst of times. From seven matches, we took just ten points. That's the kind of form that would yield just 26.6 points from 38—that's where Luton, whom we barely beat 3-4 on 5 December, finished. They got relegated. The high point of that stretch would be the creditable 1-1 draw at Anfield, but we followed that by lost at home to West Ham and away to Fulham.

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Saliba's rise from Saint-Étienne has been nothing short of meteoric. It's not hard to accept that he's become one of the best CBs in the Prem if not all of Europe. Standing 1.92m (6'4"), the 23 year old has anchored an Arsenal defense that has conceded just 84 goals in our last 100 Prem matches. Naturally, who should come sniffing around but Real Madrid, always on the prowl for their next…