The reason that every county public works department has a notable representative named Ty is because between 1980 and 1985 a bunch of families named their oldest son "Tyler", and the public sector is just where they found work. (they are all very competent).

Boss was going on vacation to Florida and I made the best joke of my life. I ask him, "Do you know how to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?" He thinks I'm serious... he thinks it has to do with the shape of their nose... Nope. "One you see later, one you see after a while."

Husband: "Babe, is the internet being wonkie right now?
Me: *Pointing to my youtube episode of "Offline with Jon Favreau": "Well those guys are wonks... but the internet is acting normally."
Husband: *Glances at the nerds*: "Well you seem very proud of yourself."

My 5 year old is in a phase where he peppers us with questions about how to spell things. And while that is fun and cute, it has... revealed a weakness in me. My husband let him know today, "if your mama tells you how to spell something, double check it with me before you use it."

We get 2x/mo letters from the JW about the eternal damnation of our souls.
Husband: Nice how they are like, "Hello neighbor! You know you will burn in hell?"
Me: "Sure do! Looking forward to going there!"
5yo: (who needs to be part of all conversations): "I'm going there right now! Yeah baby!"

“Every time I’m in a public library I think I see Jane Goodall” - Chris Fleming

An adult at a community event asked my 5 year old, "Where are you from?" And he sputtered for a second and said, "Um... From my mama." Obviously the adult meant, "Where do you reside?" But my guy heard, "What is your origin?"

CPARS, the website the US federal government uses to evaluate the performance of contractors, has a very reassuring and not at all suspicious banner advising that it is a real government website.

My 5 year old: "Pop-pop! EVERY DAY you grind coffee and it is loud IN MY EARS!"

It turns out that sage, rosemary, and thyme are the three common herbs that can survive a frost and I think that is why they are traditional Thanksgiving herbs. Good luck they are tasty together.