We had “physicals” at some of the festivals I’d been to. But we didn’t call them that.

Let’s be honest, no one, and I mean no one wanted to look at that guys face for the next four years.

I’m still working on one of those prove your not a robot things - so there’s that.

Pretty much sums up his career.

“Look, folks, they’re not sending their best, okay? First, it was people. Now it’s tarantulas, centipedes, who knows what’s next? They’re crawling in, eight legs, a hundred legs, you name it. They’re taking jobs from good, hardworking American spiders.”

With the way they’re handling climate change his phone ain’t the only thing that’s going to end up flooded on a trip to Mar-a-Lago

“Amazing and shocking” is also a good description of Matt Gaetz face

I’m still trying to figure out who to use mute on the tv.

Now kids can finally learn about the historical importance of Hulk Hogan vs. Macho Man Randy Savage in school, just like the good Lord intended

Maybe I’m old fashioned - but who the hell is feeding this to their dog?

Funny how death’s real appetizing - but free lunches for kids ain’t..

Let me tell you, folks, it’s a tremendous couch. Really beautiful, probably the best couch you’ve ever seen. Everybody’s talking about it, believe me. The most comfortable, the most luxurious couch. Absolutely fantastic.