since conceptualizing myself as human in the way homosapiens are animals. I'm not a {binary gender} because I don't adhere to any gendered social norms. clothes should be comfortable and make you feel good. I'm kind of extremely autistic about this

I'm very much transmasc, I don't consider myself a woman, but girl-woman-gender-aligned person who's on testosterone because I should have been born in an AMAB body with being the girlthing I am now.

my gender has always aligned with being a butch, as a little girl I knew I was going to grow up into a dyke. I have never desired (cis & het) men to be in my life. but my dysphoria has always pushed me away from being a woman in any way until I achieved not being a woman at all.

over this year I've been shaving my face consistently, I have long hair past my shoulders and I cut my bangs. when we go out to shows or raves, I will wear skimpy tops and fishnets and makeup. I'm read consistently as an effeminate man, nonbinary male, or transfem. I'm none of these!

the thing is though.. I didn't have to make huge changes to myself or identity. I did take finasteride for a couple of months before my period came back and I attempted to stop taking testosterone and after a month I was just as dysphoric in my mind as i was pre t.

I felt so afraid for so long that detransition was the answer, imposter syndrome over my identity and gender and dysphoria because my experience is atypical. I was deeply afraid of un-coming out, and undoing the decade of work I put in to make people respect my identity.