Wil Wheaton
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Wil Wheaton
@wilwheaton.net
76K followers 130 following 1.3K posts
New York Times bestselling author and audiobook narrator.
Host of It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton
Retired Starfleet officer.

Husband, father, Traveler.

Nazi punks fuck off.
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wilwheaton.net
Workin'
This guy is in a voice recording rding booth, wearing a black T-shirt that says Have the Day You Voted for. And as it turns out, for the first time in a fucking YEAR, he finally is.
November 5, 2025 at 8:04 PM
wilwheaton.net
I'm having a lot of fun preparing to do my live narration of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow tonight. I haven't been this excited to perform live in a long time.
October 30, 2025 at 9:05 PM
wilwheaton.net
I found a picture of Trump and the GOP.
A screenshot of The Good Life, from The Twilight Zone. A group of adults cowers behind a murderous, capricious, chaotic child while he is distracted by the last remaining adult with any courage. They could stop him, they could finally free the world from his reign of terror. It could finally be over, but not a single one of them rises to the moment, because they are useless cowards, beaten into submission by the chaotic whims of a child. This episode was produced and aired in 1961.
October 25, 2025 at 9:54 PM
wilwheaton.net
Mom and dad are so proud of you for marching today. #NoKings
October 18, 2025 at 11:48 PM
wilwheaton.net
If you can hear this image, it's probably time to schedule your colonoscopy. If you can sing the whole song, it's also time to get your shingles vaccine.
Time for Timer on a red background. Next to him, the phrase "When my get-up-and-go has got up and went, I hanker for a Hunk O' Cheese!" He looks at you with this blank stare, daring you to tell him you tried to make sunshine on a stick in the freezer but the toothpicks never stayed up straight. He knows you won't say anything because you're embarrassed. You know he knows. He knows that you know that he knows. And yet, he just stands there, hankering for a hunk o' cheese like it isn't fucking impossible to get plastic wrap to stay taught on an ice cube tray. You want to ask him for a wagon wheel, from his stacks of snacks, but you can't bring yourself to say the words, because now you, too, are hankering, hankering for the last hunk-o-cheese, and you both know you'll have to fight for it.
October 4, 2025 at 9:01 PM
wilwheaton.net
Timeline cleanse.
Two contestants place their bids on The Price Is Right. The person on the left has bid 1201 dollars. The person on the right has bid 2 dollars. The person on the left is wearing a red shirt. The person on the right is the "Where's my two dollars?" paperboy from Better Off Dead. He wins, by the way. Actual retail price was 1199 dollars.
September 20, 2025 at 10:40 PM
wilwheaton.net
I'll get you Eh Steve, if it's the last thing I doooooooooo!
Eh Steve is here to say his hilarious catch phrase, "Eh, Steve."
September 14, 2025 at 8:50 PM
wilwheaton.net
I guess I'm living rent-free in this guy's head?
redditor u/lost_balloon shows us his whole ass by replying to half a dozen comments I left on Reddit across different subs. It's not worth your time to read alt-text of everything this dude said. For the record: it's a little weird, a lot sad, and ultimately very stupid.
September 8, 2025 at 5:51 PM
wilwheaton.net
Yesterday, at Rose City Comic Con, I saw the Welcome to Nightvale tarot set for the first time, including Earl Harlan as the six of cups. I didn't know this existed, and it's gorgeous.

I love that I got to be a small part of Nightvale, and I love that my character is immortalized like this.
The six of cups tarot card is next to an autograph by the coolest guy who ever lived as far as you know without fact-chacking. He's super cool, you guys, and doesn't smell like milk at all. He quoted his character in Welcome to Nightvale: "If you can't catch your own nutmeg, store-bought is fine." There's a beautiful autograph, the kind you want to put in a museum, and the cool guy used different color pens to lend a sense of ART to the entire piece.
September 6, 2025 at 3:47 PM
wilwheaton.net
being a dad is pretty great
August 30, 2025 at 2:26 AM
wilwheaton.net
The grim reaper is disappointed that he got james dobson in the claw machine instead of trump. To be honest, we are all disappointed with him. Come on, Grim Reaper, focus!
August 21, 2025 at 5:18 PM
wilwheaton.net
oh no not vagrants whatever shall we do
Ralph Wiggum wearing baby jd vance's big stupid face says "and i saw one of the vagrants and the vagrant looked at me"
August 20, 2025 at 7:29 PM
wilwheaton.net
"Now that's what I call where are the Epstein files".
August 11, 2025 at 6:32 PM
wilwheaton.net
I doubt this will mean anything to you if you aren't in the KABC viewing area, but for those of us who are ... I saw this at the OC Fair last night, in the arts and crafts exhibition. I've been on live megadoppler 2000 storm watch ever since.
An action figure of KABC weatherman Dallas Raines, posed with his signature clenched fist and gleaming -- some may say blinding -- smile.
July 31, 2025 at 11:37 PM
wilwheaton.net
Happy Don't Be A Dick Day, to all who celebrate.

dontbeadickday.com
A simple flowchart illustrating how to identify if you are being a dick, and the actions to take so that you can be awesome.
July 29, 2025 at 11:37 PM
wilwheaton.net
This is making me laugh harder than it has any right to
"sorry i just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant"
July 25, 2025 at 3:58 PM
wilwheaton.net
Happy 85th birthday, Captain!
Wil Wheaton and Patrick Stewart on the set of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
July 13, 2025 at 1:44 PM
wilwheaton.net
"On Tuesday, in the wake of perhaps the most catastrophic vote in American history, Schumer immediately ran off to post this on Elon Musk’s crooked social media platform. It might be the most 2025 Democratic thing I have ever seen"
Well, that’s the electrifying Schumer himself burying his face in the lectern, surrounded by Senator Patty Murray who is burying her face in her hands, Senator Jack Reed who is burying himself in sleep, and some dude on the lower-right with the thought-bubble over his head that reads: “Please, God, just bury me now …” THIS is who is leading the Left while Trump and his Orcs drag us into hell.
July 4, 2025 at 2:36 PM
wilwheaton.net
Pretty sure Spotify's daylist just called me old.
A spotify playlist titled "coastal grandmother 70s vibes sunday morning" that is "based on your listening". I'm still punk as fuck.
June 29, 2025 at 5:29 PM
wilwheaton.net
John Fetterman is the only Democrat in the Senate who voted against defending the separation of powers. He is a liar and a fraud who continues to betray everyone who worked to elect him, and all of his voters. He is a disgrace to the entire state of Pennsylvania.

www.theguardian.com/us-news/live...
Despite nearly all Democrats backing the resolution, they still didn’t have the vote. The tally came in 53–47. One Republican, Rand Paul of Kentucky, voted with the Democrats; and one Democrat, John Fetterman of Pennsylvania, voted against the resolution.
June 27, 2025 at 11:26 PM
wilwheaton.net
At least one paper got the headline right.

www.dailynews.com/2025/06/21/u...
"US Inserts itself into Israel's war with Iran, strikes 3 Iranian nuclear sites."
June 22, 2025 at 7:43 PM
wilwheaton.net
@darthbluesky.bsky.social did I hear we are sharing pictures of very good dogs?
Marlowe Wheaton loves you.
June 20, 2025 at 12:00 AM
wilwheaton.net
Useless Chuck once again demonstrates how useless he is. At least he (or his staff) had the good sense to delete this offensive, tone deaf, useless (very on-brand) skeet.

Protect trans kids. Trans rights are human rights.
In an now-deleted skeet, Chuck Schumer said "Republicans' cruel crusade against trans kids is all an attempt to divert attention from ripping healthcare away from millions of Americans. We'll keep fighting and we'll keep marching on." I replied: "You think deliberately targeting and hurting trans kids is a distraction? You think the suffering these kids will endure is just a DISTRACTION? You aren't fighting for anything. *WE* are marching. *WE* are fighting. You're spewing meaningless platitudes. You are a disgrace."
June 18, 2025 at 4:45 PM
wilwheaton.net
Illustrated children's book cover featuring a green tank with a red star and people in the background. Title: "The Squeaky Little Tank." Subtitle: "Donny and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parade.
June 17, 2025 at 5:25 PM
wilwheaton.net
Marlowe loves you. #MarloweMonday
Marlowe Wheaton, a beautiful tan and white pit bull mix, does a super good sit as she looks lovingly off camera at her pack leader.
June 16, 2025 at 6:13 PM