Decades late? The thought’s crossed my mind. But it’s not ~too~ late. There’s still time. And I’ve got plenty more I’d like to experience. =3

the sappy romantic shows late into the evening, crying over fictional characters with a friend. This all feels right. It’s like so many stories I’ve heard of teenage girls out having a lovely night with friends.

And no, it’s not just the store, though that does have some small meaning for me. It’s the sundresses we find afterward, the laughs and twirls, the chatting over food court food, the face masks, the goofy pictures,

Now, I’ve bought women’s clothing before, but this moment, this really hits me far more. Thoughts of all those years ago come flooding back. And yet…it’s so normal, feels so right. The longing from so long ago? In many ways satisfied and complete.

Something about it still feels surreal, like I can’t have actually made it here. But I am. I try some things on, asking my friend for her thoughts with each piece. I pick what I want, and find my way to the line.

Now. Girl’s night at the mall. I’m stepping through the doors of Victoria’s Secret, this time not to buy something for a partner, but to get something for myself. One of my best supports and biggest cheerleaders at my side.

Something I thought I couldn’t have by myself. While the relationships scratched the itch, they could never completely satisfy. I could live somewhat vicariously, but it was always a step removed, like sacrificing living within my own skin…all to do no more than sample comfort and peace.

Decades ago. I still remember finding some Victoria’s Secret catalogs, paging through them, and having a feeling of…longing. Of need. That feeling stuck with me for years. I sought out relationships not only because I wanted someone else in my life, but because there was something I felt I needed.

A friend and I were headed out to the mall, in part because I needed new clothes. Jeans were wearing out (I patched one pair recently), and the online calculators said I should probably grab some new clothes after the last year’s body changes.

Heating could also take less energy if we just ran the AC in reverse! Seriously, heat pumps for the win. =D

5/ observation from STL #NoKingsDay #NoKings

Here are some wide scale pictures of the huge, peaceful and festive crowd, with thousands attending, in STL