Have you ever gazed up at the wild blue yonder and seen parallel white lines splitting the sky? What are those fuckers? They could be simple jet contrails, the high-altitude ice crystals formed by condensation in the wake of a jet engine. But what if they were something more mysterious, something you could project any random malice onto? That’s where the rude dudes at DARPA come in.

There’s Maine, and then there’s Aroostook County. The largest and least populated county in Maine; almost seven thousand square miles of forest, logging roads, and paper mills fenced in by the Canadian border. It’s the last place you’d expect to host a fancy pants horse race, but a family of potato farmers decided they wanted to bring some of the elegance of Kentucky to the County–and in 1986, the Aroostook Derby played her first call.

THE LAURENTIAN ABYSS - With a long peal from a mighty conch shell, the final shift ends at the future site of Stellantis’ Laurentian Engine Works. Long lines of mer-folk, hardhat-wearing crustaceans, and kelpies behind the wheels of American automobiles pass through the checkpoint gates, uncertain of when – or if – they will return to finish construction on this state of the art facility.

by Squatchmerch Staff We all know Selkies, those based Celtic ladies who can shapeshift into seals, right? Everyone knows Selkies slay—but we interviewed our female readers to find out what their significant others have said about these Marine Mamas, and oh my god, I need to see the dentist I’ve been grinding my teeth so hard! Just check this out:

NEW ORLEANS, Lou. – It’s been a long year for former College Football star The Wendigo. The talented Right Guard from the Devil Lake College of Mining and Thaumaturgy was hyped as a first round draft prospect. But even with so many teams needing Offensive Line help, Wendigo wasn’t drafted at all. Some close to Wendigo blame anti-furry bigotry, but between his mind control powers and mastery of the North Wind, sports books were nervous that he would bring an unstable element to betting lines.

CLEAR LAKE, Iowa – In the wake of rumors that the Trump Administration intends to fully declassify files on the JFK, RFK, and MLK assassinations, watchdog groups and NGOs are looking for answers on one of the last remaining great American mysteries: the Day the Music Died. On a snowy February 3rd, 1959, a single engined Beechcraft 35 Bonanza aircraft left the municipal airport in Mason City, Iowa.

Seemingly pulled from one of his fairy tales, a developing story claims that a group of marine biologists and historians have uncovered startling evidence that Hans Christian Andersen—beloved author of The Little Mermaid and The Emperor's New Clothes—was not entirely human. Instead, they claim, Andersen was a hybrid being: part man, part lobster, a revelation that has left both the literary and scientific communities reeling.

There are as many ways to be a Merman as there are fish in the sea. You might be playful and passionate, mystical and mighty, sleazy and horny, or any combination of traits. That’s why we called upon the blessing of Neptune himself and created this Mer-Masculine Archetype Quiz. We’ll show you which category you most embody: the proud Triton…

WHOVILLE - In a truly violent Christmas miracle, Santa Claus, the jolly old elf in red, showed the world that he means business when it comes to Christmas cheer. The Grinch, infamous for his attempts to steal Christmas, was caught red-handed by Santa during the big man's traditional first stop in Whoville. Reportedly, the Grinch was caught green-handed loading up a roast beast into his pathetic stitched together sack, and when he turned to gather up more loot, he ran smack into 6 and a half feet and 400 lb of immovable Christmas cheer.

Participating Wendy’s® restaurants are giving out FREE email addresses starting January 1st! That’s right—now the tasty deals you crave can also be your gateway to newsletters, signing up for healthcare portals, and seeing what your house is worth on Redfin! With any purchase of a NEW Mushroom Bacon Cheeseburger, NEW Salted Caramel Frosty®, or a NEW Taco Salad…

ISTANBUL, Turkey – While stars Timothée Chalamet and Elle Fanning have been wowing crowds on the red carpet at premiers of the Golden Globe nominated biopic ‘A Complete Unknown’, the man behind the shades himself has maintained his usual level of mysterious reclusiveness. Other than a single tweet in early December praising Chalamet—"Timmy's a brilliant actor so I'm sure he's going to be completely believable as me.

There’s only a few weeks until Christmas but don’t panic! These 11 ultimate stocking stuffers are guaranteed to please even the assholes in your life! The Reality Register and its shadowy corporate overlords may collect a share of royalties from the links on this page. 1. Souvenirs from the Bermuda Triangle are so 2023, so get that lover of mysterious places in your life the ultimate stocking stuffer from the Bridgewater Triangle instead!

ALF aired on NBC from 1986 to 1990, a quirky sitcom about a Rodney Dangerfield-esque puppet who crashes his spaceship into the garage of a suburban family in the San Fernando Valley. The Tanner family (Willie, Kate and their kids Lynn and Brian) take him in and, true to form, hi-jinks ensue. It was a moderate hit, but probably ran its course after four seasons.

CHAMPAIGN, Illinois – With his unique combination of pragmatic conservatism and erudite dourness, George F. Will has long ago secured his resting place in the lineage of American thinkers and wordsmiths. This week, Mr Will reached another monument: fifty years as a columnist at the Washington Post. To commemorate this odds-defying achievement, Mr Will returned to the Land of Lincoln and his hometown of Champaign, Illinois, where he exhumed the body of his mother, Louise Hendrickson Will, who passed away in 2006.

The holiday season invites us to gather, reflect, and give thanks for the blessings in our lives. Yet, even in this season of gratitude, whispers of myths and legends can inspire the stories we tell and the dishes we serve. One such legend, from the indigenous peoples of Alaska, is that of the Kushtaka—the Otter Man. The Kushtaka, a shape-shifting creature said to transform between human and otter forms, is both a trickster and a protector in Alaskan folklore.

The Real Dragon Who Inspired Smaug Is Alive And We Know Where To Find Him This Thanksgiving, I found myself captivated by an unexpected story shared by my six-year-old nephew, "Ben". I was consuming large quantities of turkey meat, listening to the young tot explain that Joe Rogan is right, and that dragons do exist! I quickly chewed and asked for more information through gravy stained teeth.