I think it’s a legal requirement to say, “oh, big stretch” when you see an animal stretch out.

Back when my dog was alive, when I would sneeze, she would look at me like I offended her ancestors so I would apologize. Now when I sneeze loudly, I still sometimes apologize to her. I miss her dearly.

How dare you message me during regular business hours to ask me to do something that is perfectly within my job scope. You are interrupting my “avoiding doing my job” time. Try again when I’m on vacation and it’s my coworkers’ responsibility.

RFK better not come for my Froot Loops. How else will I project to the world that I am a 42 year old child.