So it came as an unwelcome surprise when I found out he's showing up in 45 minutes to do this.

Warning people! Give me warning!

Anyway. That's my personal theory (hypothesis? Do I care which word I use? No. Not really).

The End

*Reading this...the divine obviously has adhd which explains A LOT.

🧵/end

(wow I ramble, cool cool)

It's like me with my plants. I care that they're doing okay. I care that they get what they need. But I'm not going to stand around holding a plant's metaphorical hand and cheering it on while it grows. I'm gonna give it what I can and then stand back and enjoy or mourn. Depends.
🧵/10

No need for there to be some grandiose "plan" for humanity. Far as I'm concerned the divine was bored, played with chemicals, accidentally created life in a lab accident and floated off.*

Sure it still exists. But I doubt it truly cares about the minutiae of day to day life. 🧵/9

And that is the part that pisses people off. I don't need to comprehend the divine. I don't need to know WHY it exists. I don't care if I become one with it upon my death. I like the idea of having a soul. I like the idea of reincarnation. But...I see no need to worship things. 🧵/8

I mean really, what better thing do we have to do. But the jellyfish cannot comprehend WHY a human does anything. It just knows it does.

Meanwhile I'm over here, in my agnostic state, going "eh, so jellyfish exist. If god's one, if I'm one, doesn't matter. I'm just trying not to be an asshole." 🧵/7

So if god is the human and humans are jellyfish, and, assuming some sort of sentience, they encounter each other. Of course the jellyfish is going to freak out about the human. "It exists! It touched me! I was LIFTED OUT OF THE WATER." And we create a whole jellyfish religion around the human. 🧵/6

Presented with a human, a jellyfish probably a: gives no shits b: stings them, c: bumbles in to them and thinks in its nonexistent brain "oh, fuck what was that." The human who encounters the jellyfish probably most often ignores it, avoids it, or, if stung, curses it. 🧵/5

So...we assign motivations. "We'd do that because of this! Of COURSE a god would do the same shit."

Or, we say that the jellyfish/divine is "ineffable" and we cannot understand.

Flip the whole narrative and you get "humans are jellyfish." 🧵/4

But, if you look at the records of the divine that humans have written down - I swear it looks a hell of a lot like something that exists on vibes, shit they sting, and floats along doing whatever. Humans have no frame of reference for what might motivate that kind of divine. 🧵/3

"Either God is a Jellyfish Or Humans are"

It goes like this.

From a human point of view, a jellyfish just exists. No brains, no blood, just floating along stinging, apparently living on vibes and random shit they catch in their arms. "Invertebrates" humans say as they shake their heads. 🧵/2

that has accomplished exactly a laugh and a shrug at best.

So my silent battle rages on. (My other option for a place to put the bins that does not impede access to anyone's driveway is to walk them two house down.)

Today, however. I got out there first. And my petty ass is smug about it. I win.

I have been using the spot for 20 years at least. I KNOW how to fit the bins. These neighbors should know how to fit the bins, they've lived there longer than I've been in this house. But no.

Yes, I could move their bins around, and have done. But that gets old very quickly. And talking to them...🧵

The neighbor in question, however...is SHIT at it. It's like the fact that one bin might impinge on their drive by 1/2" is so offensive to them that they position their bins to take up the entire area. (Please note, on the other side of their driveway there is a full 20 feet of open space). 🧵

The spot that we quietly fight over is just big enough that if one carefully positions all four bins you can avoid a: the fire hydrant (don't block these for the love of firefighters), b: the neighbor's drive, and c: the other neighbor's mailbox (again, no blocky).

I am damn good at this. 🧵

"I hate cherries" & then I say "well you've never had MY cherry pie so of course you don't know what good cherry tastes like." That's on me for being an asshole.

So let's calm down on being assholes about food, ok?

Because I happen to love cherries, but wouldn't share pie with someone who didn't.