You took my life and made it worth living. Your impact is something that will never be replicated or forgotten. Ever. From the bottom of my heart, where the cracked pieces lie, thank you. “So don’t let me go, so don’t let me go, We can live forever.” 1993 - ♾️🕊️

10/10

Time is so cruel, yet so beautiful. Liam, I loved you every second you lived among me, and I will continue to love you for however much longer I’ll live. This is not how your story should end, and I’ll do everything in my power to keep writing it. 9/10

Hugging my mom in the curved hallway at Madison Square Garden was my devastating confirmation that this was real life. Even though, I will absolutely never accept that truth. I stayed frozen in time in that hallway, while the minutes sped up and the Earth spun even faster than it already does. 8/10

My heart couldn’t hold the weight, and completely shattered. I was numb from the anticipation of the show & empty from the newfound information that will alter my life forever. Concerts are my safe space, where was I supposed to go when that place ended up being where I got hurt beyond repair? 7/10

Nothing felt real, until I looked over to my mom. She was visibly holding back tears. I asked her what was wrong, still holding onto false hope. She said, “I can’t tell you, not now, you’d be heartbroken.” After that, I couldn’t control myself anymore & my throat went dry, croaking out, “Liam.” 6/10

Diverting myself, I turned to my mom and weakly said, “I’m so excited” while putting on a smile. I closed my eyes & convinced myself everything was fake, until gasps surrounded me. It was like my soul left my body. All the whispers and voices around me, nobody saying what it was.. but I knew. 5/10

I didn’t read the whole thing, I didn’t have to. All I saw were three words that only ever existed in my nightmares. I shut my phone so quickly, & stared at the ceiling. With everything that has happened in our fandom, I truly believed that post was a sick joke. I needed it to be a sick joke. 4/10

So there I was, at 5:50pm in the queue for the concert, pushing away my intuitive sickness & accepting excitement. I had been nervously scrolling on instagram to see if there was any news about Billie or the concert, when I came across a post that I never imagined I’d ever see in my lifetime. 3/10

I had been marking the date ‘October 16th, 2024’ for months. My birthday is on October 9th, and I knew that it was the last Wednesday to count down before that concert date. What I didn’t know, was how it was going to be the last Wednesday where my world would ever feel complete again. 2/10