this became too long of a thread. i need to ruminate some more now.

what i hope is that the next couple of months can help me, but only time will tell. i'm nearly a full month out of this "break up" and i seem to just be unable to function. i wish humans weren't such social creatures. i can't let myself try to latch onto another poor soul that has to keep me stable

i am amidst a change for myself, but i can't help crying every time I think of how inadequate i am or how negatively i impact those around me.
i know at the very least that no one here will care all to much about me, so just finally putting it all together to get it out of me.

as someone that was once a close friend had told me over and over again: i am self centered and disregard those people i lean upon emotionally. with how easily i scar, i will probably take all of these truths with me to the day i finally die

journaling may help with my mess of a thought stream, but considering how it was a journal that first got me institutionalized over 10 years ago, i become hesitant at writing anything i think down. as for confiding in others, i don't think i can ever do that again.

at least she's content

it's like having a problematic friend
you want them to get better cause they used to be fun and kind, but they refuse to do so

i tend to worry that i watch with too much negativity in mind, but i wouldn't be this critical if it wasn't something i enjoyed, right?
yeah... it's not me who's wrong, it's the children....

like all the background noise and camera mishaps that seems to always get picked up aside, my main beef this arena would maybe get me sword cancelled cause they're about particular actors 😶
it gets spurred on in the moment cause of watching it "live", but i've had issues since hanakage