Hylobatidae
@waninggibbons.bsky.social
Kiwi, science guy, comedy writer, dandy, neurodivergent
18+
18+
Every time a bell rings an angel gets horny
November 8, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Every time a bell rings an angel gets horny
It naturally tracks therefore that vampires only come in you if you invite them.
October 22, 2025 at 9:36 AM
It naturally tracks therefore that vampires only come in you if you invite them.
Actually it IS very romantic to, when you get a 'MILFS IN YOUR AREA' ad, show it to your wife and say "Look, they found you".
October 18, 2025 at 9:38 AM
Actually it IS very romantic to, when you get a 'MILFS IN YOUR AREA' ad, show it to your wife and say "Look, they found you".
Local election results. Surprisingly the guy with the slogan 'I genuinely care' didn't make it in.
October 17, 2025 at 10:35 AM
Local election results. Surprisingly the guy with the slogan 'I genuinely care' didn't make it in.
Still think about this interaction at work.
MANAGER: This project is going really well, you're really the biggest liability.
ME: Yeah I'm a mess.
MANAGER: No no no! I mean you're the only one who knows how it all works!
MANAGER: This project is going really well, you're really the biggest liability.
ME: Yeah I'm a mess.
MANAGER: No no no! I mean you're the only one who knows how it all works!
October 14, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Still think about this interaction at work.
MANAGER: This project is going really well, you're really the biggest liability.
ME: Yeah I'm a mess.
MANAGER: No no no! I mean you're the only one who knows how it all works!
MANAGER: This project is going really well, you're really the biggest liability.
ME: Yeah I'm a mess.
MANAGER: No no no! I mean you're the only one who knows how it all works!
Nah but also the fastest evolving cells of all humanity so suck it.
October 12, 2025 at 9:49 AM
Nah but also the fastest evolving cells of all humanity so suck it.
The penguins in our area have more chicks than anywhere else hut when I call them 'Little Tuxedo Sluts' the normies get mad.
October 9, 2025 at 8:56 AM
The penguins in our area have more chicks than anywhere else hut when I call them 'Little Tuxedo Sluts' the normies get mad.
It's-a me, Overall!
October 8, 2025 at 2:55 AM
It's-a me, Overall!
I don't trust anyone who doesn't have an inner monologue. What the fuck do you mean you go through life without an oversight committee.
October 8, 2025 at 12:54 AM
I don't trust anyone who doesn't have an inner monologue. What the fuck do you mean you go through life without an oversight committee.
Jerk off bros have cumradery
October 4, 2025 at 12:39 AM
Jerk off bros have cumradery
What movie quote would you have on your headstone?
Mine is:
'That'll do pig. That'll do.'
Mine is:
'That'll do pig. That'll do.'
September 25, 2025 at 8:00 AM
What movie quote would you have on your headstone?
Mine is:
'That'll do pig. That'll do.'
Mine is:
'That'll do pig. That'll do.'
A lot of aphrodisiac foods taste terrible which makes sense because you'll do anything to get the taste out of your mouth.
September 24, 2025 at 12:05 PM
A lot of aphrodisiac foods taste terrible which makes sense because you'll do anything to get the taste out of your mouth.
Thought I was getting raptured but it turns out God just wanted my hat.
September 23, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Thought I was getting raptured but it turns out God just wanted my hat.
"Oh my god, I've become my mother."
~Oedipus having a wank
~Oedipus having a wank
September 23, 2025 at 10:10 AM
"Oh my god, I've become my mother."
~Oedipus having a wank
~Oedipus having a wank
Pebbling but make it slutty
September 22, 2025 at 9:20 AM
Pebbling but make it slutty
So the kororā in our region have more chicks than anywhere else but these stuffed shirts won't let me run a Promiscuous Penguins campaign.
September 22, 2025 at 9:10 AM
So the kororā in our region have more chicks than anywhere else but these stuffed shirts won't let me run a Promiscuous Penguins campaign.
Forest and Bird hate me because I keep nominating my wife for bird of the year. Also my wife hates me.
September 18, 2025 at 8:47 AM
Forest and Bird hate me because I keep nominating my wife for bird of the year. Also my wife hates me.
Trump might not see your disappointed skeets about his return from death but Jesus can.
August 30, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Trump might not see your disappointed skeets about his return from death but Jesus can.
I've escapism'd my way into watching anime and I appreciate how the defining feature of most protagonists is their raw determination and desire for friendship, enabled by their even rawer ADHD.
August 29, 2025 at 9:09 AM
I've escapism'd my way into watching anime and I appreciate how the defining feature of most protagonists is their raw determination and desire for friendship, enabled by their even rawer ADHD.
Management: We've got a motivational speaker!
Yes he's a sport guy.
Yes the sport was a single endurance event.
Yes the only adversity he's faced is what he put in front of himself.
Yes he wrote a book about it.
No we can't think of any other way to motivate you.
Have fun!
Yes he's a sport guy.
Yes the sport was a single endurance event.
Yes the only adversity he's faced is what he put in front of himself.
Yes he wrote a book about it.
No we can't think of any other way to motivate you.
Have fun!
August 28, 2025 at 7:01 AM
Management: We've got a motivational speaker!
Yes he's a sport guy.
Yes the sport was a single endurance event.
Yes the only adversity he's faced is what he put in front of himself.
Yes he wrote a book about it.
No we can't think of any other way to motivate you.
Have fun!
Yes he's a sport guy.
Yes the sport was a single endurance event.
Yes the only adversity he's faced is what he put in front of himself.
Yes he wrote a book about it.
No we can't think of any other way to motivate you.
Have fun!
Me, stuck in quicksand and remembering what my survival books told me: "I'll make myself look bigger and scare it off."
Quicksand: "OH FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM"
Quicksand: "OH FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM"
August 26, 2025 at 6:58 AM
Me, stuck in quicksand and remembering what my survival books told me: "I'll make myself look bigger and scare it off."
Quicksand: "OH FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM"
Quicksand: "OH FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM"
Reposted by Hylobatidae
How about a vampire who teaches improv in order to condition his students to 'Yes and' his requests for entry into their home.
August 25, 2025 at 9:59 AM
How about a vampire who teaches improv in order to condition his students to 'Yes and' his requests for entry into their home.
Outlook Meeting Request:
Quick catch up over coffee [Threat]
Quick catch up over coffee [Threat]
August 25, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Outlook Meeting Request:
Quick catch up over coffee [Threat]
Quick catch up over coffee [Threat]
How about a vampire who teaches improv in order to condition his students to 'Yes and' his requests for entry into their home.
August 25, 2025 at 9:59 AM
How about a vampire who teaches improv in order to condition his students to 'Yes and' his requests for entry into their home.
Fathers Day is coming up, and don't forget that men don't want wallets, we don't want tools.
We want girders. Solid steel girders. Girders for Daddy.
We want girders. Solid steel girders. Girders for Daddy.
August 19, 2025 at 9:21 AM
Fathers Day is coming up, and don't forget that men don't want wallets, we don't want tools.
We want girders. Solid steel girders. Girders for Daddy.
We want girders. Solid steel girders. Girders for Daddy.