finally managed to hit in between my vertebra for maximum different pain production so i can try to fucking sleep b/c at least it’s a different spinal pain. why haven’t i fucking killed myself yet

i can feel my spine moving in ways it isn’t meant to❤️ i can feel my vertebrae & i’ve already taken the max amnt of pain meds❤️ i only have empty burnt cartridges that’ll irritate my asthma more than normal cartridges already do❤️ yay❤️

mom getting frustrated that i’m like this like don’t worry lmao i am too that’s why i’m in the bath again

no food i can eat w/o gagging so time to relapse again 👍

& decides* lmao oops

wait! i remembered

& if i had any way to make money i wouldn’t have to deal with this shit but here i am lmfao

i fucking hate being alive lmfao i can’t wait to be in a WARM PLACE where i don’t get overstimulated just wearing a stupid fucking puffy jacket and my shitty boots

tacos single - handedly save me from sui every 2 – 3 days & if they attack me i might do it this time

“it’s not that easy” oh fuck off dude before i try to make alter death real

you ever just snap at the entirety of your system b/c i do & the red sims friendship loss appears above everyone’s heads (i don’t fucking care anymore except for the kid). don’t like it help me out of front like i’ve been asking

i’ll save up $100 from plasma donations (bear alone is $50) & take myself to the mall even if i don’t like the stores there because maybe bath & body works would FINALLY have something for me

wish the vent app didn’t die so i could actually go into detail lmao. anyway 50 even

the ritual of planning it out & knowing where & doing all the math to know how much i need to do. calming

yayyy i can grab it now yayyy what youtube video to put on in the bg while i finally make myself feel better

i have no idea what i’m going to eat today now b/c every single plan has been thrown off & i don’t even know if i want to go anymore b/c what’s the chances i’ll fucking sleep or be snapped at again yes i’m still upset over it