Being addicted to masturbation is the only escape for me- I rely on it to "realign" the chemicals in my brains

Think of it like a reset, but for your mental state

I think therapy might be ego-death for me because if I get my shit fixed, will I still have my so-called "fun" personality or will I just be another boring asshole?

I don't even know anymore whether what I feel is genuine or not

Like am I actually feeling pain or am I just making it up for attention-whoring?

Self-destruction is the only legit talent I have

I have a knack of thinking of killing myself in the most creative ways, like blowing myself up, but chaining my body parts so that they would position in a certain angle, making my corpse into some sort of weird sculpture

Can you actually hire an assassin to kill you? Asking for a friend

I honestly wanted to be a soldier and die in some conflict because at least in that way, I could have gone out next to a gun

but nah- where I live, they pay soldiers LESS than office workers, fuck that

I don't know what to think anymore- the girl I love most likely thinks I'm a mulling piece of shit and wants nothing to do with me

and all of my friends have their own lives to deal with, so I'm not gonna tell them shit and make them worry

I'm glad barely anyone follows me in this account

I like to imagine the best prank I could pull is that I would die and my friends and family would find my body and SURPRISE

I'm dead now lole

(IDK about you, but unironically, the thought of this makes me chuckle because NOTHING could beat the shock value of this)

Being alone with my thoughts and nothing but my thoughts these past few days have really been suffocating

I don't wanna tell anyone I know because I really don't want them to worry about me

That, and in a weird sense, I think it would be funny if they just suddenly find me dead

If I'm gonna kill myself, I wanna go out with a bang, but I'm not telling people how because the mystery is part of the intrigue of the art piece :)

I've been living all my life having to suffer in silence because my mother always taught me it's unmanly to have emotions because they're weaknesses

It stuck to me that I don't think I should tell my honest feelings to people I care about because I don't wanna burden them with my problems

Hey, thanks!