voiveli
@voiveli.bsky.social
posting who knows what, venting about stuff that haunt my brain
my new meds are also making my body really unstable, I already passed out last week while walking the dogs, and now i'm lowkey worried it might happen again since I can't get my head to wake up today aaagghhh
December 30, 2025 at 9:59 AM
my new meds are also making my body really unstable, I already passed out last week while walking the dogs, and now i'm lowkey worried it might happen again since I can't get my head to wake up today aaagghhh
Reposted by voiveli
December 26, 2025 at 4:32 PM
Wake me up when AI no longer exists, when nazis are seen as evil again, and genocide is not accepted in this world..
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Wake me up when AI no longer exists, when nazis are seen as evil again, and genocide is not accepted in this world..
I'm thankful for the people who love me, despite my flaws and baggage, and I hope i'll manage to grow into a person that's worthy of it all. I want to get better, though it feels hopeless and impossible for me.. I'm trying. I just.. I need a break. I just want to stop existing for a while..
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I'm thankful for the people who love me, despite my flaws and baggage, and I hope i'll manage to grow into a person that's worthy of it all. I want to get better, though it feels hopeless and impossible for me.. I'm trying. I just.. I need a break. I just want to stop existing for a while..
Ruminating on it all won't help. But I have no clue how to keep looking forward. I never planned for a future. I keep walking, with my eyes closed, hoping I get somewhere.. I really want to learn how to plan a future, but it feels impossible in this current state of the world. We're doomed.
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Ruminating on it all won't help. But I have no clue how to keep looking forward. I never planned for a future. I keep walking, with my eyes closed, hoping I get somewhere.. I really want to learn how to plan a future, but it feels impossible in this current state of the world. We're doomed.
I've been told by several therapists and doctors that my brain is wired the same way as a traumatized soldiers. Instead of just one traumatizing event, I have years of active trauma, and more than several extremely traumatizing life threatning events.. Is it any wonder i'm fucked up this bad?
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I've been told by several therapists and doctors that my brain is wired the same way as a traumatized soldiers. Instead of just one traumatizing event, I have years of active trauma, and more than several extremely traumatizing life threatning events.. Is it any wonder i'm fucked up this bad?
I've never been safe before. I don't know peace. I have no idea how to relax or feel content.. I'm constantly alert for danger, constantly preparing myself for something bad to happen. I keep imagining events, that might happen, just to practise how to survive from them, if they end up happening..
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I've never been safe before. I don't know peace. I have no idea how to relax or feel content.. I'm constantly alert for danger, constantly preparing myself for something bad to happen. I keep imagining events, that might happen, just to practise how to survive from them, if they end up happening..
My family is a complete mess. I was raised in a minefield. I learned from an early age to stay alert for the faintest drops in mood, hear tone changes, and in the end I just learned to "feel" when things were about to blow apart. I'm still stuck in that alert mode. It's draining me..
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
My family is a complete mess. I was raised in a minefield. I learned from an early age to stay alert for the faintest drops in mood, hear tone changes, and in the end I just learned to "feel" when things were about to blow apart. I'm still stuck in that alert mode. It's draining me..
I know through experience how to fuck up a person. Because it was done to me. But I don't want that. I reject it. I know better. Learning how to communicate and go through hard conversations has helped alot. But it's still really fucking hard since it was never taught to me while growing up!
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I know through experience how to fuck up a person. Because it was done to me. But I don't want that. I reject it. I know better. Learning how to communicate and go through hard conversations has helped alot. But it's still really fucking hard since it was never taught to me while growing up!
I've survived this long by masking. I know how to act and talk to people the way they see me as a social easily approachable person. But at the same time my brain is convinced everyone hates me and that I suck. I know i'm a kind person..
But I was also raised as a weapon.
But I was also raised as a weapon.
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I've survived this long by masking. I know how to act and talk to people the way they see me as a social easily approachable person. But at the same time my brain is convinced everyone hates me and that I suck. I know i'm a kind person..
But I was also raised as a weapon.
But I was also raised as a weapon.
I've gone crazy before. I've been hospitalized for 3 months because I tried to kms after they tested a medication on me (that is now banned) that made me go through psychosis. It was the worst year of my life. Wish it didn't haunt me anymore. I'm so tired.
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I've gone crazy before. I've been hospitalized for 3 months because I tried to kms after they tested a medication on me (that is now banned) that made me go through psychosis. It was the worst year of my life. Wish it didn't haunt me anymore. I'm so tired.
I crave for community, but i'm terrified of being perceived. I feel like I don't recognize myself from the mirror anymore. I feel ashamed for taking up space if I dare to go out and socialize. My brain is turning against me. I have constant intrusive thoughts, and it's hard to shut them down.
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I crave for community, but i'm terrified of being perceived. I feel like I don't recognize myself from the mirror anymore. I feel ashamed for taking up space if I dare to go out and socialize. My brain is turning against me. I have constant intrusive thoughts, and it's hard to shut them down.
Idk how long I can keep up like this. I'm doing all I can and it still feels like i'm not trying hard enough. I feel like I should be creating more, more than ever, to fight against AI. But the internet freaks me out.. I don't like sharing my art here anymore..
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Idk how long I can keep up like this. I'm doing all I can and it still feels like i'm not trying hard enough. I feel like I should be creating more, more than ever, to fight against AI. But the internet freaks me out.. I don't like sharing my art here anymore..
I got meds for it now, but so far they haven't helped much. I passed out few days ago in the forest while walking the dogs, just felt weak and opened my eyes from the ground. I'm so weak I feel like a shell of who I used to be.. It's kinda scary to loose control of your body. But that's stress!!
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I got meds for it now, but so far they haven't helped much. I passed out few days ago in the forest while walking the dogs, just felt weak and opened my eyes from the ground. I'm so weak I feel like a shell of who I used to be.. It's kinda scary to loose control of your body. But that's stress!!
I suffer from intense nightmares. I see really vivid dreams, and the nightmares are usually very lifelike flashes of my most traumatic experiences. I keep waking up screaming, having a panic attack. I don't remember when I last slept a restful night. The stress is starting to eat on my brains..
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I suffer from intense nightmares. I see really vivid dreams, and the nightmares are usually very lifelike flashes of my most traumatic experiences. I keep waking up screaming, having a panic attack. I don't remember when I last slept a restful night. The stress is starting to eat on my brains..
During covid I struggled with addiction, that I inherit from my father. I kept escaping all these similar emotions with drinking. Then I just.. stopped. I couldn't accept that version of myself. I wanted to be better than my father. But "the only way out is through" is hard. It's hell.
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
During covid I struggled with addiction, that I inherit from my father. I kept escaping all these similar emotions with drinking. Then I just.. stopped. I couldn't accept that version of myself. I wanted to be better than my father. But "the only way out is through" is hard. It's hell.
I feel too intense. I wish I didn't. I feel anxiety so bad it causes my physical symptoms. I feel anger so bad I bruise myself. I feel so hopeless I seek for ways to numb myself, to get just a fleeting moment of dissociative peace in my body. But it's not a solution.. It's the easy way out.
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I feel too intense. I wish I didn't. I feel anxiety so bad it causes my physical symptoms. I feel anger so bad I bruise myself. I feel so hopeless I seek for ways to numb myself, to get just a fleeting moment of dissociative peace in my body. But it's not a solution.. It's the easy way out.
I've expressed how badly the overflowing forced AI into everything is ruining my mental health and passion for art. I told about it to a friend once, and they said "yeah you seem like the kinda person to take it that personally" like.. HOW CAN YOU NOT?? YOU'RE AN ARTIST TOO!
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I've expressed how badly the overflowing forced AI into everything is ruining my mental health and passion for art. I told about it to a friend once, and they said "yeah you seem like the kinda person to take it that personally" like.. HOW CAN YOU NOT?? YOU'RE AN ARTIST TOO!
But atleast I seeked for help! I knew I had to do something. I can't kms. I can't fail the people around me. I can't traumatize the people I love and care for. Those who love me back.. So i'm stuck here. Suffering. I don't have therapy. I can't talk to my friends. So I vent here I guess!!
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
But atleast I seeked for help! I knew I had to do something. I can't kms. I can't fail the people around me. I can't traumatize the people I love and care for. Those who love me back.. So i'm stuck here. Suffering. I don't have therapy. I can't talk to my friends. So I vent here I guess!!
I hold so much grudge and anger in me. And I hate that side of me. I was never allowed to have negative emotions, without being punished. And now I have no idea how to get it all out, except on myself. I relapsed back into sh, because I can't escape how bad it feels deep inside. I feel pathetic.
December 28, 2025 at 7:59 PM
I hold so much grudge and anger in me. And I hate that side of me. I was never allowed to have negative emotions, without being punished. And now I have no idea how to get it all out, except on myself. I relapsed back into sh, because I can't escape how bad it feels deep inside. I feel pathetic.