Did you get one of those big gallon-sized thermos bottles they gave out a few years back? The only thing I used it for was to fill with hot water so I had something warm to wash my hands with on cold construction sites.

Also not a great sign that they count Tim Miller among "the left."

THAT WAS A WEIRD ONE

"You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?"

"These are rural pursuits and have been for many years."

Wait, this just occured to me. You know how conservatives have notoriously poor media literacy? Do they think the same is true, but about us?

"There go those liberals, thinking that 'A Christmas Carol' is a heartwarming redemption story when it's a tragedy about a successful businessman's fall."

"You need to use our greed to incentivize us to not be greedy."

I have some doubts about this one.

Thanks to our efforts, they temporarily can't do the thing that they weren't doing before but are definitely going to do now.

This is how I'd hoped they'd handle the inevitable retaliation, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to come right out and say that's what you're doing.

See, back then we had dumb presidents. Now we have an abysmally stupid president. That's sure to work out much better.

Sherman bathing Atlanta in the warm glow of Friendship.

Hands down the best version. Michael Hordern did not hold back with his Marley.

Any guesses on which one of them is going to write the first "I am being criticized for this and that proves me right" article?

Standing outside the bathroom at an airport, waiting call the cops on the janitor if they go in the "wrong" bathroom.

No, seriously, that isn't on the list of exceptions in that bill.

I've never had to say it out loud, but if I did, I'd pronounce it "core duh len" and so help me god if anyone tried to correct me, I'd switch to painstakingly pronouncing every individual vowel sound with a slight twang, and continue saying that way until the day I die.

"Co-ee-oor duh a-lee-nee."