On the bright side? I have a therapist who's helping in a way I can finally feel. I can feel my ADHD meds finally working. I'm finally thinking about occupational rehab. I'm using Brilliant. I'm considering classes.
As long as I look ONE OR TWO steps ahead, no more, I feel just a little hope.

I make food and the catastrophization hits. I brush my teeth and the "maybe it'd be better" comes knocking. I look and the mirror and think "what's the point? Pathetic."

I'm not okay. I'm never sustainably okay. It's always just around the corner.

I forget... I bury it... I'm confident it isn't critical... yet... so I grip the counter in my mind until the waves pass.

You know that suicide scale infographic? Well, this one [image below].
...I don't think I'm ever below a 4 unless I'm drowning myself in distractions. And never sustained.

I'm USUALLY terrified of living. Of dying. It's like chronic pain: a constant, life-eroding, energy-sapping, miserable pain that I can only hope to ignore for a while.
I always report "some days" for my anxiety and ideation... but I think it's closer to "nearly every day."

You say "robot gore," I say "mechabare"~

Took the words right outta my mouth!

NO U

How on Earth do you feel what direction you're hitting?! o.O

MY DOORBAGES!!!

(I'll see myself out)

Aight, I'll keep that in mind and find some time to watch for myself. Thanks!

Is it actually good? The ads make it seem like more Disney's Avengers with unwitty oneliners and unfunny situational comedy left and right

Ordinal bias makes the diagonals register with much greater consistency and it still rolls in lovely circles. It's like a happy mid between square and octagon.

Hilariously, the LSX-NOBI came out right after I did my prototyping, and it has exactly the same gate. Never hit "BUY" so fast.

Yeah, square was aaaawful. I ended up fabricating a specialized octagon for Seimitsu LS-32 but the Sanwa prototype was... uh... let's say I didn't do a great job with the calipers... or spatial cognition... lf;djksa
Ordinal/diagonal bias like the N64 is KING, though. Much nicer than regular octa.

Oh microswitches! Phew...

Cherry MX or conventional arcade switches?
I'd wanna use the between-buttons for L2/R2, personally. Or something like that...