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The Virtue Signal News
@virtuesignalnews.bsky.social
13 followers 54 following 30 posts
Proudly displaying our moral superiority since last Tuesday...
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BREAKING: New Trump health report says ultraprocessed foods "cure wokeness" and cites a study by Dr. Pepper.
🍟 + 🧃 = 🇺🇸
You literally cannot make this up—but we did.
thevirtuesignalnews.com/maha-health-... #Satire #MAHA #VirtueSignalNews
New MAHA Health Report Claims Ultraprocessed Foods “Cure Wokeness,” Cites Study by Dr. Pepper | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Trump-Food-Pyramid.jpg
The Trump-backed MAHA health report claims junk food boosts child wellness and reduces wokeness—citing studies from Dr. Pepper and “patriotic frequencies.”
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 30, 2025 at 1:39 PM
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BREAKING: The SBC has disfellowshipped kindness.
The “Winsome = Woke” shirt is now 70% off.
#SBC2025 #Satire #SouthernBaptist #LawAmendment #ERLC
🧵 Full story: thevirtuesignalnews.com/a-virtue-sig...
A Virtue Signal Guide to Surviving the 2025 SBC Convention | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Merch-Table-SBC.jpg
There you have it. Your satirical road map to surviving the 2025 SBC Convention in Dallas. Whether you’re marching in to reform the ERLC, reinstate a proper
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 29, 2025 at 2:56 PM
virtuesignalnews.bsky.social
“Thoughts & prayers” officially renamed “Budget-friendly disaster relief.” Please update your liturgy.
May 28, 2025 at 5:23 PM
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BREAKING: White House offers Canada a “Golden Dome™ missile shield + FREE moose hat”—but only if they become the 51st state. Our full satire has the fine print (and Netflix panic). 👉 thevirtuesignalnews.com/join-the-gol... #GoldenDomeDeal
“Join the Golden Dome™ Missile-Shield Plan, Get a Free Moose Hat!*” | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Golden-Dome.jpg
Dr. Karen Bjornson, University of Manitoba:“At $175 billion, the Golden Dome costs more than building 400 indoor hockey rinks over every province— which,
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 28, 2025 at 1:47 PM
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“Hard-hitting” penalties: vodka tariff (refunded), yacht ban (waived), oil pause (starts 2051).
Read the full comedy of errors → thevirtuesignalnews.com/trump-announ...
#ReverseSanctions #PoliticalSatire #TrumpLovesPutin
Trump Announces Devastating Russia Sanctions; Kremlin Calls Them “Early Christmas” | SATIRE | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Putin-Sanctions-Thank-Yo...
The Trump administration announced devastating Russia sanctions, claiming they are "the strongest, most painful sanctions in world history" against the Kremlin.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 27, 2025 at 3:30 PM
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Trump's 'Big Beautiful Bill' just dropped 'DIVINE' lifestyle upgrades! Featuring: DIY healthcare (bye Medicaid!), SNAP austerity diets & a $2.4 TRILLION debt gift for the kids! So generous! Our latest satire: thevirtuesignalnews.com/rejoice-trum... #BigBeautifulBill #TrumpTax #Satire #MAGAMiracles
Satire: Trump's 'Big Beautiful Bill' & Its 3 'Divine' Economic Miracles
Satirical look at Trump's 'Big Beautiful Bill.' Discover 3 'divine lifestyle upgrades': Medicaid cuts for 'freedom,' SNAP 'diets,' & a $2.4T debt gift to the future!
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 23, 2025 at 1:23 PM
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GOP's 'Trump Covenant Accounts': $1k for baby + eternal allegiance. 🙏💰 Sound fiscal policy or first tithe to the Dear Leader? Our latest divine satire awaits! thevirtuesignalnews.com/trump-trust-... #TrumpTrust #Satire #GOPTax #PoliticalHumor #CultyVibes
Satire: GOP's 'Trump Trust Covenant Accounts' Pledge Newborn Allegiance & $1000
Progressive satire on the GOP's 'Trump Trust' for babies, reimagined as 'Trump Covenant Accounts.' $1000 for newborns, plus a lifetime of allegiance. Creepy or covenant? Read the laugh.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 22, 2025 at 4:08 PM
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BREAKING: America in chaos after James Comey’s “8647” seashells.
Is it numerology, TikTok, or a Deep-State crab uprising?
⤵️ Our satirical explainer has every theory you never asked for.
thevirtuesignalnews.com/virtue-signa... #8647 #Satire
Virtue Signal Explainer: What Did James Comey’s 8647 Shells REALLY Mean? | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/CNN-SHELLS-scaled.jpg
WASHINGTON, DC -The internet is in chaos after former FBI Director James Comey posted a now-deleted photo of seashells spelling out “8647” on a windswept Delaware beach. Was it a harmless snapshot? Or...
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 20, 2025 at 9:11 PM
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BREAKING: Study finds 86% of seashells are plotting to overthrow the government, but only at low tide.
May 20, 2025 at 9:09 PM
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Welcome to The Immigration Games—where your shot at the American Dream depends on how many hot dogs you can eat in front of Al Mohler and Eric Metaxas. Satire? Sadly, barely.
👉 thevirtuesignalnews.com/immigration-... #ImmigrationGames #Satire #VirtueSignal
Immigration Games: Only the Blessed Survive! (But Some Get Fast-Tracked Anyway) | SATIRE | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Immigration-Games-poster-sa...
HOLLYWOOD, FL— In the latest innovation from the White House’s “America First, Some More Than Others” initiative, the nation tuned in last night for the premiere of Immigration Games,
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 19, 2025 at 3:22 PM
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Judges blocking your agenda? ✋ No problem—call Lance Wallnau’s 24-hour Prayer-Buster Hotline! 💥 In our newest satire we tour the ‘war room’ where shofars meet subpoenas. thevirtuesignalnews.com/wallnau-laun...
Lance Wallnau Launches Prayer Drone Strike on Judicial Activism, Accidentally Converts Wrong Roberts Family in Idaho | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05...
BOISE, IDAHO – In a new chapter of spiritual warfare gone hilariously awry, Lance Wallnau—prominent advocate for Christian nationalism and self-proclaimed
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 16, 2025 at 2:11 PM
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Satire alert: Rubio and Patel stopped at a border checkpoint—for not having the right tattoos. Welcome to “True Patriots Only.”
Full story: thevirtuesignalnews.com/rubio-and-ka...
😂🛂
White House Accidentally Puts Marco Rubio and Kash Patel in Deportation Queue Under New Birthright Rules | SATIRE | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Ru...
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration's crackdown on birthright citizenship led to Marco Rubio and Kash Patel in deportation confusion at the White House.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 15, 2025 at 9:28 PM
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Fyre Fest 3.0 is back, baby! Now with twice the sand, half the sandwiches, and a VIP “share a FEMA tent with Ja Rule” upcharge. Our roast ↓ 🔥🔥
👉 thevirtuesignalnews.com/pentagon-acc...
Pentagon Accidentally Deports Migrants to Fyre Festival Site After ‘Libya’ Autocorrect Error | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Pentagon-deports-to-Fyr...
BAHAMAS — In what officials are calling “a minor clerical oversight with major geopolitical implications,” the Pentagon confirmed today that a military
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 15, 2025 at 3:38 PM
virtuesignalnews.bsky.social
Now available: The Tariff-Ready Kitchen™ Meal Kit
Just add nationalism, air, and misplaced economic confidence.
thevirtuesignalnews.com/freedom-toas...
Freedom Toast: Is Your Kitchen Tariff Ready? | Satire | The Virtue Signal News https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Freedom-Toast.png
7 Kitchen Tariff-ready recipes to feed a family on $11 and nationalism! Our satirical guide serves Freedom Toast, Tariff Tacos, DIY butter churns, and more trade-war cuisine hacks—all in good fun.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 13, 2025 at 1:55 PM
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The Trump administration says it’s committed to transparency—so they parked a 231-foot Qatari gift jet on the White House lawn… and handed out signs that say “TRANSPARENT,” just in case you missed it.
Read it all here: thevirtuesignalnews.com/qatar_gift_t...
#Satire #TrumpJet #QatarGift
White House Celebrates Transparency of Qatar Gift Since it Can't Be Hidden | Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump's staff highlights an "unprecedented transparency" moment as a 231-foot-long Qatar gift draws public attention.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 12, 2025 at 3:19 PM
virtuesignalnews.bsky.social
Al Mohler now believes the Constitution should be read like Scripture—with context and nuance. Congrats, he’s officially joined the Evangelical Deconstruction Starter Pack.
Read the full satire → thevirtuesignalnews.com/al-mohler-go...
Al Mohler Goes Progressive, Says Constitution Needs ‘Context’
In a shocking twist, Dr. Al Mohler goes progressive on his podcast. He now claims the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments require "contextual interpretation." Critics say he’s gone full woke, while Mohler...
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 6, 2025 at 7:45 PM
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BREAKING: Worship leaders declare “Jesus is Lord” at the White House. Policy staff clarify: “But Trump is still President.”

New satirical piece: Let Every Tweet Be Praise
🎸🕊️🔥
👉 thevirtuesignalnews.com/white-house-...
Sean Feucht Drops White House Worship Album Amid Trump Policies
Sean Feucht releases Let Every Tweet Be Praise after White House event—songs soar while justice hits the mute button. Satire that sings (and stings).
thevirtuesignalnews.com
May 4, 2025 at 2:49 AM
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New Hegseth memo leaked:
🐻 Bear wrestling
🏋️‍♂️ Tank deadlifts
🧔‍♂️ Beard by noon

Also: Slight whiskey stain near the phrase “REAL MEN ONLY.”

Read the full satire ➡️ thevirtuesignalnews.com/hegseths-mil...
#Satire #Hegseth #MilitaryStandards #VirtueSignalNews
Hegseth’s Military Memo Leaked | Satire from Virtue Signal News
Pete Hegseth's military memo reveals new military standards: bear wrestling, tank deadlifts, and possibly whiskey. Satire from The Virtue Signal News.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 30, 2025 at 1:22 PM
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Trump signs new executive order: deport all NYT pollsters who "disrespected the vibe."

Full satire here ➡️ thevirtuesignalnews.com/trump-signs-...

#Satire #Trump #Polls #VirtueSignalNews
Trump Signs Executive Order to Deport NYT Pollsters | Satire
Trump signs executive order targeting New York Times pollsters after unfavorable approval ratings. Read the satirical breakdown at Virtue Signal News.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 29, 2025 at 1:26 PM
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🥊 In the red corner: Russell “The Woke Whisperer” Moore.
🥊 In the blue corner: William “The Patriarch Pounder” Wolfe.
The SBC heavyweight showdown nobody asked for—but everyone’s watching.
👉 thevirtuesignalnews.com/moore-troubl...
#Satire #SBC #VirtueSignalNews #MooreVsWolfe
Moore Trouble: SBC Critics Slam Editor’s Decade of Trump Neglect
Russell Moore faces off against William Wolfe in this satirical SBC showdown. Who wins the theological title bout? The gloves—and the tweets—are off.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 25, 2025 at 6:12 PM
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BREAKING: Trump sees opening after pope’s death, demands to buy Vatican.

Plans include:
🔺 “Trump Chapel of Greatness”
🔺 Redesigning papal slippers
🔺 A rival conclave ft. MyPillow guy

Read the full satire 👉 thevirtuesignalnews.com/trump-demand...

#HabemusTrump #VaticanTakeover #Satire
Trump Demands Vatican Sale Following Pope's Death: "We'll Make It Great Again, Believe Me" | The Virtue Signal https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/Conclave-Chimney-Smoke.png
Rome- In a move that stunned no one that pays attention, Trump demands Vatican Sale immediately...
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 22, 2025 at 5:49 PM
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According to sources, Trump has entered his “Born Again-ish” phase.

Highlights include:
✝️ Hulk Hogan: new faith mentor
✝️ Golden cherubs named Don Jr. and Eric
✝️ A Joel Osteen coloring book

Read the full satire → thevirtuesignalnews.com/trumps-faith...

#satire #trump #evangelical #FaithMania
Trump's Faith Confirmed: "I believe in God almost as much as I believe in myself."
Donald Trump’s latest spiritual pivot features prayer breakfasts, prosperity pastors, and a surprise appearance by Hulk Hogan. Is it a conversion, or just another campaign gimmick with divine branding...
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 18, 2025 at 9:18 PM
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Trump texted El Salvador’s president to clean up his own illegal deportation mess.
Bukele? Ghosted him.
Trump? Sent three question marks.
Us? Cackling.
#VirtueSignal #Satire #Bukele #Trump
thevirtuesignalnews.com/we-asked-nic...
We Asked Nicely, El Salvador Ghosted Us — What More Do You Want? | The Virtue Signal https://thevirtuesignalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/ChatGPT-Image-Apr-15-2025-at-02_05_22-PM.png
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise Oval Office meeting livestreamed on X (formerly known as Twitter), President Donald J. Trump sat alongside El Salvador’s
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 15, 2025 at 9:45 PM
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Official presidential health update:
Cholesterol: Not applicable.
Blood Pressure: Not applicable.
Ego: Record-breaking. thevirtuesignalnews.com/trump-health...
Satire: Trump Declares Himself “Healthiest Human Ever” in "Trump Health Report 2025"
"Trump Health Report 2025" declares him the healthiest human ever — using 45 adjectives and zero numbers. Our latest satire breaks it all down.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 11, 2025 at 3:29 PM
virtuesignalnews.bsky.social
RFK Jr. unveils America's new health plan: "Catch It to Cure It!" Why prevent measles when you can experience it the old-fashioned way? 🧠🦠 #Satire #RFKJr #PublicHealth
thevirtuesignalnews.com/rfk-jr-catch...
RFK Jr. Catch It to Cure It: Unveiling a New Health Strategy
Washington, D.C. — RFK Jr. Catch It to Cure It introduces a bold shift in public health strategy, promising innovative approaches to health management.
thevirtuesignalnews.com
April 9, 2025 at 2:30 PM