Vegan breakfast accidentally has emo hair.

Sure, the fact that they share the same ideals is scary, but also the fact that they look the same. And I don’t mean their appearance. I mean the way they look. With their eyes. The lifeless eyes of a malignant psychopath. Now go look at portraits of serial killers if you need more evidence.

We are going to do to ABC what we did to Target.

Poetic justice suggests that Trump is avoiding the press because he as aphasia due to a stroke.

A Laura Palmer. It’s like an Arnold Palmer but with lime and a pinch of salt. Although if you become addicted to lime, it’s a Robert Palmer.

That face you make when nobody comes to your birthday party.

Ice was creeping at my door so I smashed it with a brick and threw it on the ground.

Freezer door. Brick of frozen rice I mean. Never refrigerate leftover rice.

First strawberry of the season.

#maythefourthbewithyou

I just can’t anymore.

These democrats believe decorum is more important than saving lives or fighting fascism. They made the cowardly and spineless choice to join MAGA in censuring Al Green, who, to the rest of the free world, is a fucking hero. How’s that for decorum?

A couple happy kitties.