Anyways, you have reached the end of my screaming into the void. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I just want to be COMFORTABLE.

I want a job where I genuinely enjoy it, knowing I'm respected AND appreciated.

I want enough income to not have to stress about which bill my paychecks goes toward.

Heck, maybe even be able to take an ACTUAL vacation once in a blue moon. (It's been 10 years.)

Start freelancing? The income wouldn't be consistent or big enough at the start.

I would be okay with that if I was in a better position financially and mentally.

At this point I feel like that would just be burning the candle at both ends, which would only make things even worse.

I know I NEED a change. I can't keep living like this, but I don't know what to do.

Find a different job? In this economy, nearly impossible. It took me over 6 months to find this current job, and that was almost 5 years ago.

Plus working remote is a MUST and all of those jobs have dried up.

With work, I don't want to be stuck in a job just for the money.

My job swamps me with enough work that at previous jobs have had ENTIRE 4+ people teams to do. But they justify it as "part of being a non-profit" and "having to do more with less".

It's drained away all my life and creativity.

I don't want to be someone who others feel like they have to walk on eggshells around. I want to be that person who makes those I spend my time with feel comfortable and knows they can enjoy themselves around.

With my personal life, I feel myself being more on edge. It sucks because I don't want to constantly feel the weight of EVERYTHING all the time. I'm getting more easily upset, even something small can set me into a spiral.

I miss the "old" me, who could have fun with the people in my life.

And I *wish* I could be a person that does it all. I know lots of people do, and do it well. But I've never been able to.

No matter how many tutorials I watch or "focused" days of batching content I've tried, I feel like I'm forever stuck in this place of not moving forward and falling behind.

With my content, there's a million things I want to do but at the same time, I can't do anything. It's definitely executive dysfunction, but every method, system, or trick I try to deal with it doesn't help.

I feel like I'm sabotaging myself. I wish I didn't have to do it all on my own.

YES THIS EXACTLY. Like I just want to turn my brain off for a second because I've been overclocking that all week 😔