After hanging on in there for an offer from MLS that never came, ‘Mo Salad, with his name like a polite offer from a health conscious Subway server, agrees to go play soccer for Liver Pool some more.

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The greatest soccer franchise in all of 🇷🇺

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Real Salt Lake Madrid get their asses handed to them with fries on the side by the Soccer Cannons, after Vanilla Rice inserts two sidewinder felony kicks from downtown in London England.

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South Coast Saints lame soccer plays sees them lose 3 to 1 to the Soccer Chickens, confirmizing their status as the losingest franchise in the English EPL. Like some humongous gator, the jaws of the danger zone have chomped down real hard on their holy asses, taking them down to the minor leagues

The Soccer Cannons’ dreams of getting their fingers inside EPL World Championship winners rings go up in smokes as Coach Moyles and the Candies make a tie at the Goodson Candy shack, leaving Mick L.R. Teta feeling like some real sad bear cub that saw its momma go get shot by some dude in the woods

Real smart soccer player Kevin the Brain, known to EPL England fans as the Dutch Clint Dempsey, has comformized he’s gonna go hang up his Man City Franchise Club cleats in pursuit of following in his hero Dempsey by making the step up in to MLS.

Negative equity goalshot from the Glasgow Celtics after Kasper the friendly Goaltender goofs around and lets a real nice pass kick from USMNT’s Cameron Carter-Vickers go right on into his ball bag #ghuys