i feel fawking crazy 😭

okay i’m done venting this acc has turned into my journal rather than a nsfw acc 😭😭😭😭😭 sorry guys i lost my original physical journal last yr so im pent up i guess. it’s also easier to get my feelings out in this format rather than a notes app or smthn.. ok bye i should actually shower rn i guess

like i’m STRUGGLING. and i hope if i voice these things to her she’d actually care and take the initiative to help me but she’d also probably forget when the day is over bc she’s so focused on her own shit. i know she’s in my corner but sometimes it feels like it’s empty

i know what i need to do but i just cant. i fucking hate executive dysfunction, it rules over every single aspect of my life and i’m sick and tired of it. i need to get back on medication but my mom never helps me when i bring it up nor does she try to at all. she just shuts it down saying “idk”

i just want to give up but that’s not an option for me. i feel like im about to cry but theres literally nothing coming out but i can still feel the pressure ugh…. im procrastinating taking a shower too bc again everything feels pointless rn and it sucks

im a full time college student plus i work 20 hours a week. give me a fucking break i’m trying to survive. yeah it’s not the worst situation in the world but im still suffocating? i’m poor, im starving more than half of the time, i barely have irl friends, im fucking ugly, like can i pick a struggle

i just feel like a failure to everyone around me, especially my family. the amount of times they get on my ass for not being able to drive even tho i’m too fucking BUSY to even practice. and so is my mom, she can’t even take me out to practice we’re either too busy or exhausted

the worst thing ever is when the prof asks you to pair up with those around / next to you and everyone turns the other way. i’m just tired of it all. i’m hoping it gets better but even my small joys don’t help me for as long as they used to. everything is starting to feel a bit pointless rn

i’m so peeved by so much in my life rn. i thought it’d get better once i started the semester but seeing how im such an outcast STILL even after i thought i made so much progress with my personality over the summer hurts.

she has gotten such an attitude with me since then and it’s getting on my fucking nerves beyond belief. i’m sorry im shy and sensitive and you don’t like that. i don’t LIKE “tough love” it doesn’t work on me, it just makes me resent you like jfc

manipulated me into hating my mom and tried to get me to leave her even tho he had always been the problem and never wanted to have kids in the first place. so what he bought me some rundown piece of shit car that me and my mom had to spend near 1k on to fix?? like fuck off

it’s so soothing ngl i understand why pp-havers do this

i feel like i should probably write this in a journal rather than on the internet but i’m already here so. and i also misplaced the journal i used to write in i’ll have to look for it later (i won’t). okay bye i’m done speaking publicly about how much i hate myself 😞

i’m also sure this is why i don’t really wear makeup either or even try to learn how to apply it. what’s the point when i’m just covering up dog shit with glitter 😭😭-