HOW TO UPPER MIDDLE
@uppermiddle.bsky.social
A newsletter about water, written for fish.
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uppermiddle.news
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uppermiddle.news
HTUM - A.26: If a friend comes over before 5pm and it’s not explicitly for a meal, put out a plate of cookies. No one complains about a plate of cookies.
January 28, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.26: If a friend comes over before 5pm and it’s not explicitly for a meal, put out a plate of cookies. No one complains about a plate of cookies.
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.F: The (Personal) U.S. Constitution
Having a personal copy of the U.S. Constitution in a bedside table wasn’t unheard of before President Josiah Bartlett gifted his former aid Charlie his personal copy on the finale episode of the West Wing, but after... mandatory.
Having a personal copy of the U.S. Constitution in a bedside table wasn’t unheard of before President Josiah Bartlett gifted his former aid Charlie his personal copy on the finale episode of the West Wing, but after... mandatory.
January 27, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.F: The (Personal) U.S. Constitution
Having a personal copy of the U.S. Constitution in a bedside table wasn’t unheard of before President Josiah Bartlett gifted his former aid Charlie his personal copy on the finale episode of the West Wing, but after... mandatory.
Having a personal copy of the U.S. Constitution in a bedside table wasn’t unheard of before President Josiah Bartlett gifted his former aid Charlie his personal copy on the finale episode of the West Wing, but after... mandatory.
HTUM - A.25: Sit down in early December and do the math on whether a February ski trip to Colorado or Austria would cost more. Really work through the lift and flight pricing. Book a trip to the Bahamas.
January 26, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.25: Sit down in early December and do the math on whether a February ski trip to Colorado or Austria would cost more. Really work through the lift and flight pricing. Book a trip to the Bahamas.
HTUM - A.24: Read the New York Times for the pictures.
January 25, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.24: Read the New York Times for the pictures.
HTUM - A.23: Watch Jeopardy on a semi-regular basis and nurse a persistent belief that you could both beat and beat up most of the contestants. Get all the European history questions wrong.
January 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.23: Watch Jeopardy on a semi-regular basis and nurse a persistent belief that you could both beat and beat up most of the contestants. Get all the European history questions wrong.
HTUM - A.22: Spend more time on Zillow than your ex’s Instagram. Feel the pang of romantic loss when houses that you like but couldn’t or wouldn’t pay for go off the market. Occasionally spend a few minutes with your partner mocking other peoples’ wallpaper.
January 23, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.22: Spend more time on Zillow than your ex’s Instagram. Feel the pang of romantic loss when houses that you like but couldn’t or wouldn’t pay for go off the market. Occasionally spend a few minutes with your partner mocking other peoples’ wallpaper.
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.E: Winter Car Sunglasses
Because prevailing winds used to push factory smoke the other way, most affluent suburbs in America are west of downtown, which means that most people driving an Audi home in December are going to need sunnies. Best kept in the dash.
Because prevailing winds used to push factory smoke the other way, most affluent suburbs in America are west of downtown, which means that most people driving an Audi home in December are going to need sunnies. Best kept in the dash.
January 22, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.E: Winter Car Sunglasses
Because prevailing winds used to push factory smoke the other way, most affluent suburbs in America are west of downtown, which means that most people driving an Audi home in December are going to need sunnies. Best kept in the dash.
Because prevailing winds used to push factory smoke the other way, most affluent suburbs in America are west of downtown, which means that most people driving an Audi home in December are going to need sunnies. Best kept in the dash.
HTUM - A.21: Every two or three years go to an NFL game. Make a big production of it and then remember that it’s a better to watch on TV.
January 21, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.21: Every two or three years go to an NFL game. Make a big production of it and then remember that it’s a better to watch on TV.
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.D: Horsebit Loafers
Dreamt up by Gucci in 1953, horsebit loafers are a cavalier nod to equestrianism with a Florentine feel (Coppola is a fan) and a FiDi jangle (so is Jordan Belfort). Obnoxious? Sure, but beloved by those ready to pony up.
Dreamt up by Gucci in 1953, horsebit loafers are a cavalier nod to equestrianism with a Florentine feel (Coppola is a fan) and a FiDi jangle (so is Jordan Belfort). Obnoxious? Sure, but beloved by those ready to pony up.
January 20, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.D: Horsebit Loafers
Dreamt up by Gucci in 1953, horsebit loafers are a cavalier nod to equestrianism with a Florentine feel (Coppola is a fan) and a FiDi jangle (so is Jordan Belfort). Obnoxious? Sure, but beloved by those ready to pony up.
Dreamt up by Gucci in 1953, horsebit loafers are a cavalier nod to equestrianism with a Florentine feel (Coppola is a fan) and a FiDi jangle (so is Jordan Belfort). Obnoxious? Sure, but beloved by those ready to pony up.
HTUM - A.20: Try to like things. If you can’t manage it, fine. But try. This goes double for pop music. And family.
January 18, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.20: Try to like things. If you can’t manage it, fine. But try. This goes double for pop music. And family.
HTUM - A.19: Assign your dog a specific towel and then, when you get behind on doing the laundry, use that towel to dry your hair. Feel just a little weird about it.
January 17, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.19: Assign your dog a specific towel and then, when you get behind on doing the laundry, use that towel to dry your hair. Feel just a little weird about it.
HTUM - A.18: Understand the rules of almost every sport regardless of whether or not you can name a single team or player. Form strong feelings about referees.
January 16, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.18: Understand the rules of almost every sport regardless of whether or not you can name a single team or player. Form strong feelings about referees.
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.C: Bordallo Pinheiro Bowls
Before he broke into the ceramics game in the 1880s, Raphael Bordallo Pinheiro was a well-known Portuguese political cartoonist. Then his cabbage leaf plates and bowls caught on in the U.K., reselling to America when Portugal went fascist.
Before he broke into the ceramics game in the 1880s, Raphael Bordallo Pinheiro was a well-known Portuguese political cartoonist. Then his cabbage leaf plates and bowls caught on in the U.K., reselling to America when Portugal went fascist.
January 15, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.C: Bordallo Pinheiro Bowls
Before he broke into the ceramics game in the 1880s, Raphael Bordallo Pinheiro was a well-known Portuguese political cartoonist. Then his cabbage leaf plates and bowls caught on in the U.K., reselling to America when Portugal went fascist.
Before he broke into the ceramics game in the 1880s, Raphael Bordallo Pinheiro was a well-known Portuguese political cartoonist. Then his cabbage leaf plates and bowls caught on in the U.K., reselling to America when Portugal went fascist.
HTUM - A.17: Try on a turtleneck sweater. You don’t have to buy it or anything, but try it on. They work more often then you think.
January 14, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.17: Try on a turtleneck sweater. You don’t have to buy it or anything, but try it on. They work more often then you think.
HTUM - A.16: Order top-shelf tequila and scotch, middle-shelf bourbon and gin, and bottom shelf vodka. Also, bruschetta for the table. Your treat.
January 13, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.16: Order top-shelf tequila and scotch, middle-shelf bourbon and gin, and bottom shelf vodka. Also, bruschetta for the table. Your treat.
HTUM - A.15: Feel good about your investing strategy even though you can’t articulate it and don’t know if you under- or over-performed the market.
January 12, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.15: Feel good about your investing strategy even though you can’t articulate it and don’t know if you under- or over-performed the market.
HTUM - A.14: Eat weird meets – mostly venison, but also elk and ostrich. Experiment occasionally with vegetarianism, but don’t get dogmatic about it. Worry a bit about what you’ll tell your kid when they’re old enough to ask where the cut came from.
January 11, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.14: Eat weird meets – mostly venison, but also elk and ostrich. Experiment occasionally with vegetarianism, but don’t get dogmatic about it. Worry a bit about what you’ll tell your kid when they’re old enough to ask where the cut came from.
HTUM - A.13: Have a good idea of what’s going on with SNL even though you haven’t watched it live in over a decade (if ever) and have generally mixed feelings on the current cast.
January 10, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.13: Have a good idea of what’s going on with SNL even though you haven’t watched it live in over a decade (if ever) and have generally mixed feelings on the current cast.
HTUM - A.12: Try to break in a pair of hiking boots while walking to brunch.
January 9, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.12: Try to break in a pair of hiking boots while walking to brunch.
HTUM - A.10: Acknowledge that there is only one cardinal sin that forever brands a person as unworthy of polite society: failing to recycle espresso pods
January 8, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.10: Acknowledge that there is only one cardinal sin that forever brands a person as unworthy of polite society: failing to recycle espresso pods
HTUM - A.09: If you brought a kinda shitty bottle of wine you don’t have to call attention to the fact it’s a kind of shitty bottle of wine. If the host cares, he’ll clock it. If not, he won’t.
January 7, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.09: If you brought a kinda shitty bottle of wine you don’t have to call attention to the fact it’s a kind of shitty bottle of wine. If the host cares, he’ll clock it. If not, he won’t.
HTUM - A.08: Take miniature golf more seriously than actual golf. There's a real chance you could get good at it.
January 6, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.08: Take miniature golf more seriously than actual golf. There's a real chance you could get good at it.
HTUM - A.07: Put a “Chef’s Towel” on your shoulder when you’re cooking. It gives you something to grab when you inevitably burn yourself making dessert.
January 5, 2025 at 2:01 PM
HTUM - A.07: Put a “Chef’s Towel” on your shoulder when you’re cooking. It gives you something to grab when you inevitably burn yourself making dessert.
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.B: Depression Glassware
Many if not most of the colorful goblets manufactured in the Rust Belt between 1929 and 1939 and sold to struggling Americans were discarded or destroyed in the Post-World War II boom years. The ones that weren't moved to the suburbs.
Many if not most of the colorful goblets manufactured in the Rust Belt between 1929 and 1939 and sold to struggling Americans were discarded or destroyed in the Post-World War II boom years. The ones that weren't moved to the suburbs.
January 4, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Get to Know a Status Symbol 1.B: Depression Glassware
Many if not most of the colorful goblets manufactured in the Rust Belt between 1929 and 1939 and sold to struggling Americans were discarded or destroyed in the Post-World War II boom years. The ones that weren't moved to the suburbs.
Many if not most of the colorful goblets manufactured in the Rust Belt between 1929 and 1939 and sold to struggling Americans were discarded or destroyed in the Post-World War II boom years. The ones that weren't moved to the suburbs.
HTUM - A.06: Respect assigned seats in the living room, especially during streaming hours. Not the time or place to experiment.
January 3, 2025 at 10:27 PM
HTUM - A.06: Respect assigned seats in the living room, especially during streaming hours. Not the time or place to experiment.