thank the gods i never got a reply back. here’s to hoping she deleted my number.

so i restarted my SSRI about a month ago and my anxiety is definitely better, i just wish i could get to where i want to be, and i’m frustrated that i’m not there yet.

being chronically ill + having mental health issues on top of everything is an entirely different level of exhaustion.

end rant, sorry to get dark on main but like. what the fuck why did this happen to me.

it’s been nearly 10 years since this happened to me, and it lasted for a year and a half, almost every day, multiple times per day.
so yeah. i don’t know how the hell i’m alive. i’m lucky and grateful to be. and big fucking part of me mourns for those who went through what i did and aren’t here.

and it’s not like i’ve never talked about this particular thing before. if anything, i talk about it almost every single session i have. but i know how dangerous it is, even if there’s no immediate effects in the moment. i know days, weeks, or months later, something can happen.

thank you, i appreciate it 🖤

all of my really important doctors appointments and procedures are on hold until the new insurance kicks in because i am not risking having a biopsy done and having medicaid say “well, it wasn’t REALLY out of medical necessity so that’ll be $1k+ OOP.”
like i cannot afford that.

forgot to update! i did, in fact, see my creature the other day!! i missed her so so much 🥹
(silly goofy pics, because that’s just Firefly).

and i fell asleep so this didn’t happen 😔
i’m so over being sick