Well, you raise white flag, you stagger into scullery screaming,

"No, no, I can't take no more!"

Then what do they do?

Give you presents you don't want and stare at you till you smile.

Mince pies.

Almond pastry.

Chocolate log.

Salvo after salvo of sour tangerines!

I served all through First World War. I never saw nowt so ghastly.

The menfolk cowering in trenches.

Silence, then without warning, the women open up with this terrifying, ceaseless bombardment.