Something always took them away. Death, when it came, was the only explanation. Absence from my life a mystery. I just had to move on. And on. And on. And on.

There have been so many other friendships over the years. Really intense relationships that I'd be part of, as her child. Daily visits, hanging out, developing this closeness, this attachment and then one day no more.

She never speaks of them. Is it the passage of time? Or is it just better to pack away the grief? When I mention them we'll talk briefly, and she'll change the subject. Don't linger.

I don't know why I'm remembering them now but fears of abandonment came up in my nightly #showerthoughts and these two wonderful people came to mind. Also, sadness for my mother who by 35 lost two of her closest friends. I can't fathom it.

Eric was my mum's friend who always made me laugh and spoiled me rotten and I remember him always listening avidly to everything I had to say and never losing patience with me. I was about six when he passed.

I was literally just thinking about it this morning and laughing to myself! So funny, and warm and just great.

Welp

And it all was wonderful. Sometimes, you don't need to listen to the voices in your head.

And even if tomorrow goes tits up (which it won't) and everyone hates me (which they won't) and I have a horrible day (which I won't), at least I did it. Right? Right?

Feeling like I don't know wtf I'm doing, while also slightly proud that I pushed through the very loud voices in my head telling me to just give up.

Anyway, I think that's why I've played this song everyday since he put it out. So... Yea! Listen to it please, and know that you're supporting independent creation and Black joy open.spotify.com/track/3esPIs...