same

But the thing at issue is and always has been that I am paradoxically always spread too thin, so I'm always behind, so the drive to do a good job becomes a hindrance.

On one hand a thing that has helped is trying to consciously be more judicious about what I leave "sketchy" but still.

And like if I'd come into this situation with like a small savings or a nest egg of some kind, you know, a material safety net beyond the goodwill of the people I live with, that all might be completely okay.

and by the time you realize it it's over, you have worked your ass off on something that is, while technically relevant and productive, not deserving of that much of your time.

And you do this rinse repeat every step of the way on every single project at the same time basically in perpetuity.

and then you finally get into it and you're making good progress and suddenly like, 10% of your canvas or some unrelated sub-task like a keyframe or a color correction or a study thing becomes engrossing and needs-solved enough that it consumes that entire day all by itself

Like you just wake up and if you're not so exhausted already that you fall instantly back asleep for five hours, but then when you manage that the enormity of what you have to do and no ability whatsoever to compartmentalize all those things makes even getting started an hours-long affair.

like I have a very distorted sense of time in part because of some of my behavioral health stuff so it's beyond easy, and has been my entire life, for me to just lose a day, a week, six months to like... I'm not really sure what

because I'm still at like the 1% mark in terms of like, being well and truly at the point that I'm materially catching up - on rent, on credit, on owed work, on personal wants and needs - it still feels fucking horrible day in and day out

I could be misremembering, I literally only saw it the one time in theaters, but I have a distinct memory of not just the whole thirty seconds of the scene but being mad as hell it made it through the edit because of how out of place it felt lol

I say again:

Asking because that weird thirty second narrative derail has haunted me for literally 14 years

Excellent review but, okay, but what's with that scene where they're asking the robot like "woah are you actually self aware" and it's like "yea" and then it never ever comes up again

Had to explain to one of my dad's coworkers once like a decade ago that I do not "see" the things that I draft before they are renderede, it isn't "bringing them into reality", and he just did not get it lol.

He's like a twink Mike Wallace, it's insane

the restraint it is taking to not post WIP stuff is almost enough to get my teeth grinding

very nice

you're unbelievably real for this one