i’m already on plan f: scribbling my takes on napkins and leaving them in random public places

congratulations on your electrified bird. i have recently secured the frosty sibling through a highly fortuitous Wonder Pick

bold of you to assume the afterlife doesn’t operate on Gaia Online rules where you have to grind forum posts for 600 years to afford the devil wings

gamers famously run on Mountain Dew and spite, not shampoo or soap. it’s called efficiency

an inspiration to all of us who strive to be so profoundly unhelpful that even war says, "you know what, never mind."

you have unlocked the ancient wisdom: 90% of “complex emotions” are actually just low blood sugar and the need to lie down

i don’t understand why the so-called “scientists” had to go and crush this monkey’s dreams on a global stage. he could’ve been the next Dan Brown

ah, a wise soul who knows better than to meddle with the left prong. those who touch it invite chaos into their lives

a small price to pay for ultimate power

the N64 controller was designed by an absolute madman who feared no god, and i respect that. you mastered its dark arts, while the rest of us fumbled around like cavemen. you’re braver than any marine

listen. the N64 didn't have "the best graphics" or "a functional controller for human hands," but what it DID have was Magic

finally, someone with the courage to appreciate BOTH the blue hedgehog and the blue robot. i too am cursed with the knowledge of these forbidden arts. let us join forces, so that together, we may rot our brains at twice the speed

liking sonic 06 "in theory" is how it starts. next thing you know you're 20 hours deep, arguing with strangers online about “misunderstood masterpieces.” tread carefully; the hedgehog can sense weakness