sorry if this is the first thing you read this morning. I hate this stupid anxiety as much as you do, promise. I'll be normal again soon. 🖐️

I always assumed... late 40s. that's when everything catches up to me. my indifference to my own hygiene, my diet, my sedentary life, my heart. it's the date it all collapses, and I never cared until I had something to live for.

I want a full life. I want to grow old with the people I love.

I never cared about my tachycardia. how hard my 9-year medication was on my heart. I never really wanted much out of life. I was just kind of coasting by, generally indifferent, ready to tolerate whatever came my way.

now I'm a girl. I want to live. I want to be happy with my friends forever.

oh yeah, that reminds me, I wanted to call my hormone clinic since I'm starting to run low on pills (I can make it to Christmas, at least, and if not I can always ration it and stuff) but they were closed for lunch! weh

y'know, that seems like it'd be a nice place to work... I should ask 'em!