Bananas Foster
@topbananafoster.bsky.social
A figment of our imaginations.
[D broke his foot]
D: I’ll tell them I got hurt skiing in Saint-Tropez.
C: You mean San Moritz. It’s hot in Saint-Tropez.
D: Well, that’s why I got hurt trying to ski there.
D: I’ll tell them I got hurt skiing in Saint-Tropez.
C: You mean San Moritz. It’s hot in Saint-Tropez.
D: Well, that’s why I got hurt trying to ski there.
December 25, 2024 at 11:42 AM
[D broke his foot]
D: I’ll tell them I got hurt skiing in Saint-Tropez.
C: You mean San Moritz. It’s hot in Saint-Tropez.
D: Well, that’s why I got hurt trying to ski there.
D: I’ll tell them I got hurt skiing in Saint-Tropez.
C: You mean San Moritz. It’s hot in Saint-Tropez.
D: Well, that’s why I got hurt trying to ski there.
D: …I need to know.
BF: Mr. B, I NEED. You’ll know.
BF: Mr. B, I NEED. You’ll know.
December 20, 2024 at 10:49 AM
D: …I need to know.
BF: Mr. B, I NEED. You’ll know.
BF: Mr. B, I NEED. You’ll know.
D (fumbles with whipped cream canister and yelps): I got creamed.
November 18, 2024 at 7:42 PM
D (fumbles with whipped cream canister and yelps): I got creamed.
BF: Let’s have makeup sex.
D: Wash off that makeup. That’s not what it means. Though I dunno: It does bring out his eyes.
D: Wash off that makeup. That’s not what it means. Though I dunno: It does bring out his eyes.
November 13, 2024 at 8:55 PM
BF: Let’s have makeup sex.
D: Wash off that makeup. That’s not what it means. Though I dunno: It does bring out his eyes.
D: Wash off that makeup. That’s not what it means. Though I dunno: It does bring out his eyes.
D: Our numbers are up, third straight week.
BF: I’m going to wash your feet like Jesus.
D: That’s an odd thing to say.
BF: I just returned from a revival meeting in the woods.
D: That was a forest fire!
BF: Yes. I set it.
BF: I’m going to wash your feet like Jesus.
D: That’s an odd thing to say.
BF: I just returned from a revival meeting in the woods.
D: That was a forest fire!
BF: Yes. I set it.
November 13, 2024 at 8:54 PM
D: Our numbers are up, third straight week.
BF: I’m going to wash your feet like Jesus.
D: That’s an odd thing to say.
BF: I just returned from a revival meeting in the woods.
D: That was a forest fire!
BF: Yes. I set it.
BF: I’m going to wash your feet like Jesus.
D: That’s an odd thing to say.
BF: I just returned from a revival meeting in the woods.
D: That was a forest fire!
BF: Yes. I set it.
[Lost phone]
C: We should put Air Tags on absolutely everything.
BF: I’m putting a toe tag on you.
C: We should put Air Tags on absolutely everything.
BF: I’m putting a toe tag on you.
November 13, 2024 at 8:53 PM
[Lost phone]
C: We should put Air Tags on absolutely everything.
BF: I’m putting a toe tag on you.
C: We should put Air Tags on absolutely everything.
BF: I’m putting a toe tag on you.
(D helps C open bra packaging, then holds said item to his chest.)
D (falsetto): Look at me: I’m a soldier.
C: A soldier?!
D: I’ve said too much.
November 13, 2024 at 8:52 PM
(D helps C open bra packaging, then holds said item to his chest.)
D (falsetto): Look at me: I’m a soldier.
C: A soldier?!
D: I’ve said too much.
D: I couldn’t tell where you were.
C: Just yell “Marco.”
D: What? Oh: Polo?
C: Yeah.
D: I don’t need some 15th century philistine to help find you.
C: Just yell “Marco.”
D: What? Oh: Polo?
C: Yeah.
D: I don’t need some 15th century philistine to help find you.
November 13, 2024 at 8:52 PM
D: I couldn’t tell where you were.
C: Just yell “Marco.”
D: What? Oh: Polo?
C: Yeah.
D: I don’t need some 15th century philistine to help find you.
C: Just yell “Marco.”
D: What? Oh: Polo?
C: Yeah.
D: I don’t need some 15th century philistine to help find you.
D: I’m going to go get the mail. It’s pretty hot. Not that I think it would cook…
C: If someone sent us an egg, we’re in trouble.
BF: Oh, Mr. B, did you get my Easter gift?
D: It’s rancid.
BF: Mmmm!
C: If someone sent us an egg, we’re in trouble.
BF: Oh, Mr. B, did you get my Easter gift?
D: It’s rancid.
BF: Mmmm!
November 13, 2024 at 8:51 PM
D: I’m going to go get the mail. It’s pretty hot. Not that I think it would cook…
C: If someone sent us an egg, we’re in trouble.
BF: Oh, Mr. B, did you get my Easter gift?
D: It’s rancid.
BF: Mmmm!
C: If someone sent us an egg, we’re in trouble.
BF: Oh, Mr. B, did you get my Easter gift?
D: It’s rancid.
BF: Mmmm!
D: Look, Foster: two new shirts.
BF: You’re decadent.
D: I don’t think you know what that means.
BF: I don’t.
BF: You’re decadent.
D: I don’t think you know what that means.
BF: I don’t.
November 13, 2024 at 8:51 PM
D: Look, Foster: two new shirts.
BF: You’re decadent.
D: I don’t think you know what that means.
BF: I don’t.
BF: You’re decadent.
D: I don’t think you know what that means.
BF: I don’t.
D: I’m going to lie down. Oh. I can’t: I stripped the bed.
C: But you can still…
D: I will, but it won’t be the same.
C: You’re very…what’s the word I want? “Effete.”
BF: He’s effeminate.
D: She didn’t say that, Foster. She said “effete.”
BF: And he has stinky feet.
November 13, 2024 at 8:50 PM
D: I’m going to lie down. Oh. I can’t: I stripped the bed.
C: But you can still…
D: I will, but it won’t be the same.
C: You’re very…what’s the word I want? “Effete.”
BF: He’s effeminate.
D: She didn’t say that, Foster. She said “effete.”
BF: And he has stinky feet.
BF: I’m hawt!
D: Foster, that’s the worst Boston accent ever. I don’t think you were stitched here.
C: I think he was made overseas.
BF: My Story: An Immigrant’s Tale.
D: We never should’ve rented The Jazz Singer.
BF: …And I became a mohel.
D: Ow! He did.
D: Foster, that’s the worst Boston accent ever. I don’t think you were stitched here.
C: I think he was made overseas.
BF: My Story: An Immigrant’s Tale.
D: We never should’ve rented The Jazz Singer.
BF: …And I became a mohel.
D: Ow! He did.
November 13, 2024 at 8:50 PM
BF: I’m hawt!
D: Foster, that’s the worst Boston accent ever. I don’t think you were stitched here.
C: I think he was made overseas.
BF: My Story: An Immigrant’s Tale.
D: We never should’ve rented The Jazz Singer.
BF: …And I became a mohel.
D: Ow! He did.
D: Foster, that’s the worst Boston accent ever. I don’t think you were stitched here.
C: I think he was made overseas.
BF: My Story: An Immigrant’s Tale.
D: We never should’ve rented The Jazz Singer.
BF: …And I became a mohel.
D: Ow! He did.
BF: I’m getting better: I only say, “I hate you” twice a day.
D: …
BF: I hate you. I hate you. (Pause) I hate you.
D: That was more than three times.
BF: I really hate you.
D: …
BF: I hate you. I hate you. (Pause) I hate you.
D: That was more than three times.
BF: I really hate you.
November 13, 2024 at 8:48 PM
BF: I’m getting better: I only say, “I hate you” twice a day.
D: …
BF: I hate you. I hate you. (Pause) I hate you.
D: That was more than three times.
BF: I really hate you.
D: …
BF: I hate you. I hate you. (Pause) I hate you.
D: That was more than three times.
BF: I really hate you.
Dave: You want to order groceries? I’m going to sit in this chair.
Che: Be careful. There’s Scotch tape on it.
Bananas Foster: There’s tape on it. You won’t be getting up.
Che: Be careful. There’s Scotch tape on it.
Bananas Foster: There’s tape on it. You won’t be getting up.
November 13, 2024 at 8:47 PM
Dave: You want to order groceries? I’m going to sit in this chair.
Che: Be careful. There’s Scotch tape on it.
Bananas Foster: There’s tape on it. You won’t be getting up.
Che: Be careful. There’s Scotch tape on it.
Bananas Foster: There’s tape on it. You won’t be getting up.
C: …kudos.
BF: Mr. B, I’m giving you kudos.
C: Those are cooties!
BF: Yes!
BF: Mr. B, I’m giving you kudos.
C: Those are cooties!
BF: Yes!
November 13, 2024 at 8:44 PM
C: …kudos.
BF: Mr. B, I’m giving you kudos.
C: Those are cooties!
BF: Yes!
BF: Mr. B, I’m giving you kudos.
C: Those are cooties!
BF: Yes!
Che: (sings). Sorry: ear worm.
Dave: Foster’s friends with a couple of ear worms. There’s Louden…
Bananas Foster: I’d squish him if we didn’t need him for poker tonight.
Dave: Foster’s friends with a couple of ear worms. There’s Louden…
Bananas Foster: I’d squish him if we didn’t need him for poker tonight.
November 13, 2024 at 8:43 PM
Che: (sings). Sorry: ear worm.
Dave: Foster’s friends with a couple of ear worms. There’s Louden…
Bananas Foster: I’d squish him if we didn’t need him for poker tonight.
Dave: Foster’s friends with a couple of ear worms. There’s Louden…
Bananas Foster: I’d squish him if we didn’t need him for poker tonight.
Bananas Foster: I made you eggs Benedict.
Dave: Lovely!
BF: Not for Benny.
Dave: Lovely!
BF: Not for Benny.
November 13, 2024 at 8:42 PM
Bananas Foster: I made you eggs Benedict.
Dave: Lovely!
BF: Not for Benny.
Dave: Lovely!
BF: Not for Benny.
Dave [growls] Sorry. I have a lot of stress.
Che: Sounds like you have Tourette’s.
Bananas Foster: I do. Grrr…f*ck!
Dave: Foster, that’s terrible. You’d be canceled if you had a job. Or were human.
BF: Well, I’m not. Grrr…f*ck!
Che: Sounds like you have Tourette’s.
Bananas Foster: I do. Grrr…f*ck!
Dave: Foster, that’s terrible. You’d be canceled if you had a job. Or were human.
BF: Well, I’m not. Grrr…f*ck!
November 13, 2024 at 8:42 PM
Dave [growls] Sorry. I have a lot of stress.
Che: Sounds like you have Tourette’s.
Bananas Foster: I do. Grrr…f*ck!
Dave: Foster, that’s terrible. You’d be canceled if you had a job. Or were human.
BF: Well, I’m not. Grrr…f*ck!
Che: Sounds like you have Tourette’s.
Bananas Foster: I do. Grrr…f*ck!
Dave: Foster, that’s terrible. You’d be canceled if you had a job. Or were human.
BF: Well, I’m not. Grrr…f*ck!
Che (cleaning): Gxd, this table is filthy.
Dave: Yeah, it’s pretty grimy.
C: If you noticed it was dirty, why didn’t you clean it?
D: I didn’t notice.
C: Then why did you say that?
D: I like to hear myself talk.
Dave: Yeah, it’s pretty grimy.
C: If you noticed it was dirty, why didn’t you clean it?
D: I didn’t notice.
C: Then why did you say that?
D: I like to hear myself talk.
November 13, 2024 at 8:40 PM
Che (cleaning): Gxd, this table is filthy.
Dave: Yeah, it’s pretty grimy.
C: If you noticed it was dirty, why didn’t you clean it?
D: I didn’t notice.
C: Then why did you say that?
D: I like to hear myself talk.
Dave: Yeah, it’s pretty grimy.
C: If you noticed it was dirty, why didn’t you clean it?
D: I didn’t notice.
C: Then why did you say that?
D: I like to hear myself talk.
Bananas Foster: She’s not your one and only. We exchanged vows.
Dave: That was a restraining order.
B.F: Nonetheless…
Dave: That was a restraining order.
B.F: Nonetheless…
November 13, 2024 at 8:39 PM
Bananas Foster: She’s not your one and only. We exchanged vows.
Dave: That was a restraining order.
B.F: Nonetheless…
Dave: That was a restraining order.
B.F: Nonetheless…
Che: I have a lot to do today, and I a don’t want to do it.
Bananas Foster: Mr. B, I have a lot to do, and I hate you.
Dave: What do *you have to do?
BF: Hate you. It takes up ALL my time.
Bananas Foster: Mr. B, I have a lot to do, and I hate you.
Dave: What do *you have to do?
BF: Hate you. It takes up ALL my time.
November 13, 2024 at 4:26 PM
Che: I have a lot to do today, and I a don’t want to do it.
Bananas Foster: Mr. B, I have a lot to do, and I hate you.
Dave: What do *you have to do?
BF: Hate you. It takes up ALL my time.
Bananas Foster: Mr. B, I have a lot to do, and I hate you.
Dave: What do *you have to do?
BF: Hate you. It takes up ALL my time.
Bananas Foster: Mr B, I’m going to give you a haircut.
Dave: That’s a cleaver!
BF: It’s going to hurt. But only if you live.
November 13, 2024 at 4:26 PM
Bananas Foster: Mr B, I’m going to give you a haircut.
Dave: That’s a cleaver!
BF: It’s going to hurt. But only if you live.
Dave: Foster's running an exercise class.
Bananas Foster: One, two!
Dave: You’re not doing any exercises. You’re just standing there.
Bananas Foster: Well, *I don’t want to lose weight.
Dave: He steals their lunches.
B.F: That helps *them lose weight.
Bananas Foster: One, two!
Dave: You’re not doing any exercises. You’re just standing there.
Bananas Foster: Well, *I don’t want to lose weight.
Dave: He steals their lunches.
B.F: That helps *them lose weight.
November 13, 2024 at 4:25 PM
Dave: Foster's running an exercise class.
Bananas Foster: One, two!
Dave: You’re not doing any exercises. You’re just standing there.
Bananas Foster: Well, *I don’t want to lose weight.
Dave: He steals their lunches.
B.F: That helps *them lose weight.
Bananas Foster: One, two!
Dave: You’re not doing any exercises. You’re just standing there.
Bananas Foster: Well, *I don’t want to lose weight.
Dave: He steals their lunches.
B.F: That helps *them lose weight.
Dave: Foster doesn’t make anyone’s day brighter.
Che: He does for you. Every day.
Bananas Foster: How do you like your eggs: over easy or FRIED?
Dave: I don’t like the way he said “fried.”
Che: He does for you. Every day.
Bananas Foster: How do you like your eggs: over easy or FRIED?
Dave: I don’t like the way he said “fried.”
November 13, 2024 at 4:24 PM
Dave: Foster doesn’t make anyone’s day brighter.
Che: He does for you. Every day.
Bananas Foster: How do you like your eggs: over easy or FRIED?
Dave: I don’t like the way he said “fried.”
Che: He does for you. Every day.
Bananas Foster: How do you like your eggs: over easy or FRIED?
Dave: I don’t like the way he said “fried.”
Bananas Foster: I couldn’t hear you. I was exfoliating.
Che: That doesn’t make noise.
B.F: It does the way I do it. Argh! I think I need emergency care.
Che: Emergency skin care?
Che: That doesn’t make noise.
B.F: It does the way I do it. Argh! I think I need emergency care.
Che: Emergency skin care?
November 13, 2024 at 4:23 PM
Bananas Foster: I couldn’t hear you. I was exfoliating.
Che: That doesn’t make noise.
B.F: It does the way I do it. Argh! I think I need emergency care.
Che: Emergency skin care?
Che: That doesn’t make noise.
B.F: It does the way I do it. Argh! I think I need emergency care.
Che: Emergency skin care?