i feel sick

they go and do stuff together for a a couple days because THEY share a schedule and have a pre estahlished group, YOU are an outsider that works nights and can barely hold up your end of a conversation ofc you arent invitied you parasite

youre a fucking idiot but u do deserve this cuz like wtf is your deal can you not hold it together for like a day ashley

i rly need to stop trying be in groups im unable to actually be a part of and just accept that i cannot integrate in any way that makes people want me around for more than like. a single voice call

and by secondary i mean the feeling lasts for like. idk a week at least.

i dont even wanna be like primary just yk feeling like secondary at least for once would be nice.

my new hobby could be described as fleeting moments of genuine care for people followed by complete and total emotional collapse as soon as i am reminded that i exist tertiarily

i dont like feeling like this but as soon as i feel like i cant or shouldn't try to engage with someone i cant help it

TO BE FAIR this does give them the legitimate choice to reconnect if they actually want to. this isnt exactly HIDING. im just not where they can easily see me