ToonBear69
@toonbear69.bsky.social
Married, exiled gay Geordie, adoptive father of one son and two mad Springer Spaniels pups. Rugby and Football fan (NUFC). Not a fan of negativity and miss regular access to Stotties.
Elkie Brooks, bloody auto correct
September 4, 2025 at 9:14 PM
Elkie Brooks, bloody auto correct
Made a joke about Pearl being a singer.
Hubby looked blank.
Me: Pearl’s a Singer, Ellie Brooks…
Him:
Me: Pearl’s A Singer!
Him:
Me: This is grounds for divorce
Hubby looked blank.
Me: Pearl’s a Singer, Ellie Brooks…
Him:
Me: Pearl’s A Singer!
Him:
Me: This is grounds for divorce
September 3, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Made a joke about Pearl being a singer.
Hubby looked blank.
Me: Pearl’s a Singer, Ellie Brooks…
Him:
Me: Pearl’s A Singer!
Him:
Me: This is grounds for divorce
Hubby looked blank.
Me: Pearl’s a Singer, Ellie Brooks…
Him:
Me: Pearl’s A Singer!
Him:
Me: This is grounds for divorce
Asking for a friend: if your husband (and son) refuse to get you a Blankety Blank cheque book and pen on eBay for your birthday saying you should go in the show and ‘earn it’- is that pure hatred. (Clue: it is)
August 3, 2025 at 9:19 PM
Asking for a friend: if your husband (and son) refuse to get you a Blankety Blank cheque book and pen on eBay for your birthday saying you should go in the show and ‘earn it’- is that pure hatred. (Clue: it is)
I’m minted now. Quitting work on Monday. Seems legit.
January 12, 2025 at 3:06 PM
I’m minted now. Quitting work on Monday. Seems legit.
Hubby got me a record player for Christmas and today I was in HMV hunting vinyl. The staff kept asking if I was OK, like I was lost or in to get warm.
They were sweet, but I was tempted to say, ‘I was buying records before you guys were on this planet!’
Although I did loudly say, ‘HOW MUCH?’
They were sweet, but I was tempted to say, ‘I was buying records before you guys were on this planet!’
Although I did loudly say, ‘HOW MUCH?’
a woman with a surprised look on her face says i 'm old !
ALT: a woman with a surprised look on her face says i 'm old !
media.tenor.com
December 28, 2024 at 7:11 PM
Hubby got me a record player for Christmas and today I was in HMV hunting vinyl. The staff kept asking if I was OK, like I was lost or in to get warm.
They were sweet, but I was tempted to say, ‘I was buying records before you guys were on this planet!’
Although I did loudly say, ‘HOW MUCH?’
They were sweet, but I was tempted to say, ‘I was buying records before you guys were on this planet!’
Although I did loudly say, ‘HOW MUCH?’
I once went to a club and it was a foam party. It was EVERYWHERE. It cleaned up my suede shoes beautifully. That’s my foam party memories.
Merry Christmas x
Merry Christmas x
December 25, 2024 at 11:01 PM
I once went to a club and it was a foam party. It was EVERYWHERE. It cleaned up my suede shoes beautifully. That’s my foam party memories.
Merry Christmas x
Merry Christmas x
Evidently the Stollen and I share similar traits…
December 23, 2024 at 4:58 PM
Evidently the Stollen and I share similar traits…
I am endlessly entertained by the volume of emails I get every day promising to get my place of work on the front page of Google.
Equally impressive, is the number of professional IT outfits using Gmail and Hotmail accounts.
Equally impressive, is the number of professional IT outfits using Gmail and Hotmail accounts.
December 13, 2024 at 9:43 AM
I am endlessly entertained by the volume of emails I get every day promising to get my place of work on the front page of Google.
Equally impressive, is the number of professional IT outfits using Gmail and Hotmail accounts.
Equally impressive, is the number of professional IT outfits using Gmail and Hotmail accounts.
When I first met hubby, he was studying astrophysics. I used to ask him what the week ahead looked like for Capricorns, just to see his face fall into a sullen glare.
December 13, 2024 at 7:22 AM
When I first met hubby, he was studying astrophysics. I used to ask him what the week ahead looked like for Capricorns, just to see his face fall into a sullen glare.
The older I get the more impactful these opening lines are.
So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun
It feels like festive judgement or the pre-cursor to a pep talk.
So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun
It feels like festive judgement or the pre-cursor to a pep talk.
December 13, 2024 at 7:01 AM
The older I get the more impactful these opening lines are.
So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun
It feels like festive judgement or the pre-cursor to a pep talk.
So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun
It feels like festive judgement or the pre-cursor to a pep talk.
So. Christmas tree has been decorated… you know the second tree after the first one got hammered by a Springer Spaniel. So. Two trees in. Second one looks rubbish vs first, but, we were late… *sigh* *Christmas*
December 11, 2024 at 11:17 PM
So. Christmas tree has been decorated… you know the second tree after the first one got hammered by a Springer Spaniel. So. Two trees in. Second one looks rubbish vs first, but, we were late… *sigh* *Christmas*
6.30am this morning and the dog decides the Christmas tree looked threateningly vertical - yanked on a branch and sent the whole thing to the floor. Shattered bauble pieces everywhere. Not amused.
December 9, 2024 at 5:04 PM
6.30am this morning and the dog decides the Christmas tree looked threateningly vertical - yanked on a branch and sent the whole thing to the floor. Shattered bauble pieces everywhere. Not amused.
Me, peacefully wrapping gifts at table, standing up.
Dogs at my feet.
Silence. A weird silence.
All hell breaks loose and I’m in the way. Bam! A nasty bite.
Luckily through my trousers and rapidly smothered in antibac gel, so hoping it won’t need a tetanus shot. Stings like Hell.
Bloody dogs.
Dogs at my feet.
Silence. A weird silence.
All hell breaks loose and I’m in the way. Bam! A nasty bite.
Luckily through my trousers and rapidly smothered in antibac gel, so hoping it won’t need a tetanus shot. Stings like Hell.
Bloody dogs.
December 7, 2024 at 3:42 PM
Me, peacefully wrapping gifts at table, standing up.
Dogs at my feet.
Silence. A weird silence.
All hell breaks loose and I’m in the way. Bam! A nasty bite.
Luckily through my trousers and rapidly smothered in antibac gel, so hoping it won’t need a tetanus shot. Stings like Hell.
Bloody dogs.
Dogs at my feet.
Silence. A weird silence.
All hell breaks loose and I’m in the way. Bam! A nasty bite.
Luckily through my trousers and rapidly smothered in antibac gel, so hoping it won’t need a tetanus shot. Stings like Hell.
Bloody dogs.
Me: Waking up without any hangover, having not had any alcohol is *SO* much better. This is the way forward.
Later that night…
Oh look, Whisky!! 🥃
Later that night…
Oh look, Whisky!! 🥃
December 7, 2024 at 8:30 AM
Me: Waking up without any hangover, having not had any alcohol is *SO* much better. This is the way forward.
Later that night…
Oh look, Whisky!! 🥃
Later that night…
Oh look, Whisky!! 🥃
Many years ago during early dating, hubby used to point out constellations. Look, ‘That’s Ursa Major!’
Me: Looks like a pan
Him:
Me: Like a sauce pan
Him: It’s known as The Plough
Me: Nah. Pan of beans
I could see him questioning our future together yet, 25 years later, it’s now Pan Of Beans.
Me: Looks like a pan
Him:
Me: Like a sauce pan
Him: It’s known as The Plough
Me: Nah. Pan of beans
I could see him questioning our future together yet, 25 years later, it’s now Pan Of Beans.
December 7, 2024 at 8:05 AM
Many years ago during early dating, hubby used to point out constellations. Look, ‘That’s Ursa Major!’
Me: Looks like a pan
Him:
Me: Like a sauce pan
Him: It’s known as The Plough
Me: Nah. Pan of beans
I could see him questioning our future together yet, 25 years later, it’s now Pan Of Beans.
Me: Looks like a pan
Him:
Me: Like a sauce pan
Him: It’s known as The Plough
Me: Nah. Pan of beans
I could see him questioning our future together yet, 25 years later, it’s now Pan Of Beans.
And for the umpteenth year running, the Boys take top spot.
December 7, 2024 at 7:08 AM
And for the umpteenth year running, the Boys take top spot.
Dr asks how much I drink.
Me: Erm… bottle and a half of wine a week…
Her: That’s a lot.
Me: Really? REALLY?
Her: Yes. *matron stare*
Me: Erm… bottle and a half of wine a week…
Her: That’s a lot.
Me: Really? REALLY?
Her: Yes. *matron stare*
a man and a woman are standing next to each other and one of them is saying ohh matron
ALT: a man and a woman are standing next to each other and one of them is saying ohh matron
media.tenor.com
December 6, 2024 at 6:58 PM
Dr asks how much I drink.
Me: Erm… bottle and a half of wine a week…
Her: That’s a lot.
Me: Really? REALLY?
Her: Yes. *matron stare*
Me: Erm… bottle and a half of wine a week…
Her: That’s a lot.
Me: Really? REALLY?
Her: Yes. *matron stare*
Reposted by ToonBear69
If you see this, I’m begging you to share
Hi, I’m Andy.
I’m a UX/UI Product Designer with 4 years of experience, and I’m desperately looking for a job since last year.
I can work remotely on contract or hybrid in London (UK).
At this point, I’ll take any pay!
My portfolio andydimaggio.contra.com
Hi, I’m Andy.
I’m a UX/UI Product Designer with 4 years of experience, and I’m desperately looking for a job since last year.
I can work remotely on contract or hybrid in London (UK).
At this point, I’ll take any pay!
My portfolio andydimaggio.contra.com
Andy Di Maggio on Contra | UX/UI & Framer Designer
View Andy Di Maggio's Portfolio on Contra, the Independent-first, commission-free freelance marketplace shaping the future of work. Hire a freelancer today!
andydimaggio.contra.com
December 3, 2024 at 5:55 AM
If you see this, I’m begging you to share
Hi, I’m Andy.
I’m a UX/UI Product Designer with 4 years of experience, and I’m desperately looking for a job since last year.
I can work remotely on contract or hybrid in London (UK).
At this point, I’ll take any pay!
My portfolio andydimaggio.contra.com
Hi, I’m Andy.
I’m a UX/UI Product Designer with 4 years of experience, and I’m desperately looking for a job since last year.
I can work remotely on contract or hybrid in London (UK).
At this point, I’ll take any pay!
My portfolio andydimaggio.contra.com
Lovely frosty dog walk this morning.
November 28, 2024 at 3:40 PM
Lovely frosty dog walk this morning.
Having an asthma attack, my always-alert Spaniel puppy decides that’s the optimum time to bite me. So as I coughed my guts up, I could taste blood from a torn lip. He sat looking at me, with a ‘no need to thank me, but I did save your life,’ look on his face.
Spaniels.
Spaniels.
November 24, 2024 at 10:21 AM
Having an asthma attack, my always-alert Spaniel puppy decides that’s the optimum time to bite me. So as I coughed my guts up, I could taste blood from a torn lip. He sat looking at me, with a ‘no need to thank me, but I did save your life,’ look on his face.
Spaniels.
Spaniels.
Sitting with the dogs listening to chill out music, when the peace is shattered by Alexa screeching ‘Your sauce timer is up.’ God alone knows what the neighbours will think if they hear that.
He’s making pizza sauce btw.
He’s making pizza sauce btw.
November 23, 2024 at 5:47 PM
Sitting with the dogs listening to chill out music, when the peace is shattered by Alexa screeching ‘Your sauce timer is up.’ God alone knows what the neighbours will think if they hear that.
He’s making pizza sauce btw.
He’s making pizza sauce btw.
Soon to be washed away. Rather snow than rain any day.
November 23, 2024 at 2:31 PM
Soon to be washed away. Rather snow than rain any day.
Yay. Everyone wants to be awake at 5.45am on a Saturday.
Seemingly, my son doesn’t need an alarm clock so long as dad does the job.
P.S. It’s pitch black outside, I can’t make a coffee in case I wake hubby and I am about to let two manic puppies loose on the house. Pray for me.
Seemingly, my son doesn’t need an alarm clock so long as dad does the job.
P.S. It’s pitch black outside, I can’t make a coffee in case I wake hubby and I am about to let two manic puppies loose on the house. Pray for me.
November 16, 2024 at 6:14 AM
Yay. Everyone wants to be awake at 5.45am on a Saturday.
Seemingly, my son doesn’t need an alarm clock so long as dad does the job.
P.S. It’s pitch black outside, I can’t make a coffee in case I wake hubby and I am about to let two manic puppies loose on the house. Pray for me.
Seemingly, my son doesn’t need an alarm clock so long as dad does the job.
P.S. It’s pitch black outside, I can’t make a coffee in case I wake hubby and I am about to let two manic puppies loose on the house. Pray for me.
Hubby is an avid sci-fi fan. Every once in a while, I will potter in as he is watching something and make the fatal mistake of asking, ‘so what’s happening here then?’
Three hours later with the TV paused, I offer a, ‘so a bit like the multi-verse then?’
And we’re off again.
Three hours later with the TV paused, I offer a, ‘so a bit like the multi-verse then?’
And we’re off again.
a bald man with a beard is sitting in a field
ALT: a bald man with a beard is sitting in a field
media.tenor.com
November 15, 2024 at 2:38 PM
Hubby is an avid sci-fi fan. Every once in a while, I will potter in as he is watching something and make the fatal mistake of asking, ‘so what’s happening here then?’
Three hours later with the TV paused, I offer a, ‘so a bit like the multi-verse then?’
And we’re off again.
Three hours later with the TV paused, I offer a, ‘so a bit like the multi-verse then?’
And we’re off again.