Tom Denton
@tomdenton.bsky.social
Freelance writer, DnB lifer, neurological misfit, skeptical Christian, persuasion & deception student
Currently writing a joke a day on here to varying levels of quality
Currently writing a joke a day on here to varying levels of quality
Someone just said that it was 8.00 Pacific time.
But I looked it up and it's actually 8.05 if you really want to be pacific.
But I looked it up and it's actually 8.05 if you really want to be pacific.
May 14, 2025 at 3:05 PM
Someone just said that it was 8.00 Pacific time.
But I looked it up and it's actually 8.05 if you really want to be pacific.
But I looked it up and it's actually 8.05 if you really want to be pacific.
You've got to pay attention to people like Benjamin Franklin, JFK and King Charles.
They're always right on the money.
They're always right on the money.
May 13, 2025 at 2:59 PM
You've got to pay attention to people like Benjamin Franklin, JFK and King Charles.
They're always right on the money.
They're always right on the money.
"I've heard being kicked out of bed can kill you."
"It's debunked."
"Sorry, I've heard being debunked can kill you."
"It's debunked."
"Sorry, I've heard being debunked can kill you."
May 12, 2025 at 5:06 PM
"I've heard being kicked out of bed can kill you."
"It's debunked."
"Sorry, I've heard being debunked can kill you."
"It's debunked."
"Sorry, I've heard being debunked can kill you."
"Je t'adore."
"I don't think you're quite in the accent...one more time please."
"Je t'adore!"
"OK. Great stuff but you're not quite what we're after for the Larry Grayson role. Thanks for your time."
"I don't think you're quite in the accent...one more time please."
"Je t'adore!"
"OK. Great stuff but you're not quite what we're after for the Larry Grayson role. Thanks for your time."
May 11, 2025 at 2:43 PM
"Je t'adore."
"I don't think you're quite in the accent...one more time please."
"Je t'adore!"
"OK. Great stuff but you're not quite what we're after for the Larry Grayson role. Thanks for your time."
"I don't think you're quite in the accent...one more time please."
"Je t'adore!"
"OK. Great stuff but you're not quite what we're after for the Larry Grayson role. Thanks for your time."
The painter of The Scream's house was demolished in 1960 and now the city of Oslo manages his estate via the official museum.
It's Munch housing by proxy.
It's Munch housing by proxy.
May 10, 2025 at 11:44 AM
The painter of The Scream's house was demolished in 1960 and now the city of Oslo manages his estate via the official museum.
It's Munch housing by proxy.
It's Munch housing by proxy.
I like Blue Riband chocolate biscuits but they're a bit disappointing when you're expecting a gourmet dinner.
Still, now I know not to trust the description "a cordon bleu meal" in future.
Still, now I know not to trust the description "a cordon bleu meal" in future.
May 9, 2025 at 4:57 PM
I like Blue Riband chocolate biscuits but they're a bit disappointing when you're expecting a gourmet dinner.
Still, now I know not to trust the description "a cordon bleu meal" in future.
Still, now I know not to trust the description "a cordon bleu meal" in future.
Surprisingly, the vampire hunter Van Helsing used to sleep well every night.
He was out for the count.
He was out for the count.
May 8, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Surprisingly, the vampire hunter Van Helsing used to sleep well every night.
He was out for the count.
He was out for the count.
One thing about those Old West gunslingers. They very rarely bathed, keeping to those ablutive habits however hot and sweaty they got.
They certainly stuck to their guns.
They certainly stuck to their guns.
May 7, 2025 at 7:28 PM
One thing about those Old West gunslingers. They very rarely bathed, keeping to those ablutive habits however hot and sweaty they got.
They certainly stuck to their guns.
They certainly stuck to their guns.
Apparently pandas in captivity benefit from a therapy room where they can let off steam.
Sounds like pandemonium.
Sounds like pandemonium.
May 6, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Apparently pandas in captivity benefit from a therapy room where they can let off steam.
Sounds like pandemonium.
Sounds like pandemonium.
Apparently some people can keep entertained for hours in silence just playing imaginary word games with themselves.
The mind boggles.
The mind boggles.
May 5, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Apparently some people can keep entertained for hours in silence just playing imaginary word games with themselves.
The mind boggles.
The mind boggles.
As a comedy fan, I got prematurely excited when I heard an announcement about new BrassEyes coming soon.
On reflection, I should have questioned why Victoria's Secret would be advertising it.
On reflection, I should have questioned why Victoria's Secret would be advertising it.
May 4, 2025 at 11:13 AM
As a comedy fan, I got prematurely excited when I heard an announcement about new BrassEyes coming soon.
On reflection, I should have questioned why Victoria's Secret would be advertising it.
On reflection, I should have questioned why Victoria's Secret would be advertising it.
Is there such a thing as an expression which isn't a metaphor, but which also doesn't mean what a literal reading of the words would suggest?
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
May 3, 2025 at 11:01 AM
Is there such a thing as an expression which isn't a metaphor, but which also doesn't mean what a literal reading of the words would suggest?
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
I don't like people always having a go at chocolate teapots. They're absolutely fine.
Whereas, you're the fool contemplating making tea in an obvious novelty item. Do you complain that you can't hard-boil your Creme Eggs too?
Whereas, you're the fool contemplating making tea in an obvious novelty item. Do you complain that you can't hard-boil your Creme Eggs too?
May 2, 2025 at 5:30 PM
I don't like people always having a go at chocolate teapots. They're absolutely fine.
Whereas, you're the fool contemplating making tea in an obvious novelty item. Do you complain that you can't hard-boil your Creme Eggs too?
Whereas, you're the fool contemplating making tea in an obvious novelty item. Do you complain that you can't hard-boil your Creme Eggs too?
Went to a heavy metal musical. The lead was very good.
The cadmium and the nickel, less so.
The cadmium and the nickel, less so.
May 1, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Went to a heavy metal musical. The lead was very good.
The cadmium and the nickel, less so.
The cadmium and the nickel, less so.
I heard that Trump is "ruling by diktat".
Seems like an unreliable way to get a straight line, but if you've got the tattoo I suppose you might as well use it.
Seems like an unreliable way to get a straight line, but if you've got the tattoo I suppose you might as well use it.
April 30, 2025 at 8:57 PM
I heard that Trump is "ruling by diktat".
Seems like an unreliable way to get a straight line, but if you've got the tattoo I suppose you might as well use it.
Seems like an unreliable way to get a straight line, but if you've got the tattoo I suppose you might as well use it.
I kept trying to screenshot this crossword to send to my friend but it turned out really blurry and out of focus every time.
Turns out it was a cryptid crossword.
Turns out it was a cryptid crossword.
April 29, 2025 at 6:45 PM
I kept trying to screenshot this crossword to send to my friend but it turned out really blurry and out of focus every time.
Turns out it was a cryptid crossword.
Turns out it was a cryptid crossword.
Woke up today to find that the date is April 1C. I think I've been hexed.
April 28, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Woke up today to find that the date is April 1C. I think I've been hexed.
There's a miniature version of El Capitan at my local climbing gym, but apparently it's not to scale. So I don't know what the point of it is.
April 27, 2025 at 1:28 PM
There's a miniature version of El Capitan at my local climbing gym, but apparently it's not to scale. So I don't know what the point of it is.
I tried to get in to an exclusive Monty Python fan club but I failed my Silly Walk audition. It's a gaited community.
April 25, 2025 at 1:07 PM
I tried to get in to an exclusive Monty Python fan club but I failed my Silly Walk audition. It's a gaited community.
I heard about this guy who attacked someone with a cruet set and a pack of double As.
He got convicted of ABH. Terrible business. And weird weapons to choose too.
He got convicted of ABH. Terrible business. And weird weapons to choose too.
April 25, 2025 at 7:48 AM
I heard about this guy who attacked someone with a cruet set and a pack of double As.
He got convicted of ABH. Terrible business. And weird weapons to choose too.
He got convicted of ABH. Terrible business. And weird weapons to choose too.
Today I learned that coulrophobia is fear of clowns. And that's different from being averse to people of colour.
Still, I'm sure that taxi driver needed reporting anyway.
Still, I'm sure that taxi driver needed reporting anyway.
April 24, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Today I learned that coulrophobia is fear of clowns. And that's different from being averse to people of colour.
Still, I'm sure that taxi driver needed reporting anyway.
Still, I'm sure that taxi driver needed reporting anyway.
The writers of cheesy American TV villains often seem to overestimate how well-known Wat Tyler is.
Otherwise why do they always say, "resistance is feudal"?
Otherwise why do they always say, "resistance is feudal"?
April 23, 2025 at 7:34 PM
The writers of cheesy American TV villains often seem to overestimate how well-known Wat Tyler is.
Otherwise why do they always say, "resistance is feudal"?
Otherwise why do they always say, "resistance is feudal"?
My friend says he's not real and that I've become delirious from eating some expired meat.
I think he's talking baloney. So we agree.
I think he's talking baloney. So we agree.
April 21, 2025 at 8:36 PM
My friend says he's not real and that I've become delirious from eating some expired meat.
I think he's talking baloney. So we agree.
I think he's talking baloney. So we agree.
Apparently the prefix "ana-" can indicate something being weakened until it's no longer potent, as in "anatoxin".
So I shouldnt really have been shocked by the side-effect of these anabolics.
So I shouldnt really have been shocked by the side-effect of these anabolics.
April 20, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Apparently the prefix "ana-" can indicate something being weakened until it's no longer potent, as in "anatoxin".
So I shouldnt really have been shocked by the side-effect of these anabolics.
So I shouldnt really have been shocked by the side-effect of these anabolics.
I always thought "ranting and raving" were basically two words for the same thing.
I found out my mistake when I turned up to a Reform UK meeting with glowsticks and a bag of Mitsis.
I found out my mistake when I turned up to a Reform UK meeting with glowsticks and a bag of Mitsis.
April 19, 2025 at 1:15 PM
I always thought "ranting and raving" were basically two words for the same thing.
I found out my mistake when I turned up to a Reform UK meeting with glowsticks and a bag of Mitsis.
I found out my mistake when I turned up to a Reform UK meeting with glowsticks and a bag of Mitsis.