Good luck!

Couple of ways to do this, but the easiest would be to build a launcher app (probably just use python for this) using gtk libraries and then make that start on every login.

Weston might allow you to launch only your button interface
wayland.pages.freedesktop.org/weston/

Opening my mouth and blinding onlookers with unspeakable radiance

Sorta! Primarily it's all the same under the hood, but there's different tools and interfaces stuck on top.

I worry that it confuses new users.

Oh right, that's very cool

Also, worst case, you can run a virtual machine (Gnome Boxes is very easy) with Windows for just that program.

Obviously not as efficient as native, but it might work for your use case

I think they're just mixing up "familiar" with "sensible".

Windows has always seemed kinda weird to me.

I think partially it's that he is drawn to aesthetics but not substance.

Every film he is in has strong visual imagery and a completely dull story, and he isn't capable of understanding that.