Where did we go wrong in the world to where being overworked, disconnected, and isolated from the very earth that birthed us is now the normal? Why is that the golden goal now?

I have to wonder why it is so horrid to want to escape from it all.

Im constantly reminded of all the "mistakes" I've made here. But truly, are they mistakes? When we've strayed so far from our roots?

All the places I've been, all the things I've done.
Would there really be a way to rid myself of absolutely everything?

I know many people condemn the story of Christopher McCandless, and say that any who glorify him are fools and deluded.

But can you blame him? Looking around at everything...

That brings me to yet another question of if I did leave everything and everyone behind, just faded into the black and reinvented myself elsewhere, hiding away from everything.

Where would I even go?

I simultaneously want to cling on, sink my nails in and hang on for dear life.
And also I want to run. To leave it all behind to avoiding being hurt before theres anything to even be hurt from.
Its a self destructive cyclical waveform of emotions that rock like a boat on the waves, like sea sickness

I've struggled with attachments all my life, and not being able to read the signs or the cues, but I think that part of it stems from how I've lost too many in my life. Whether it be death, strife, or simply drifting apart.

And it brings me back to old habits that were almost long forgotten, The desire to just run away from it all, shut everything out, cut everything off.
Which then Fights with my desire to be desired, to be wanted.
It's this horrible cycle of self isolation and near manic need to be with someone

And even though I know that no one will read this. It's at the same time comforting to get it off my chest, that perhaps I care too much.
And That I feel like I'm burdening others With these feelings that I have no business having.

I ask myself why, but get no answer.

I suppose that's life though. Never knowing truly if you're doing the right thing, and being afraid that perhaps you're not.

I find myself in these predicaments often where I don't know if I should or if it's valid, To want to say things to people that I care about, Because in the same vein though I care about them, I don't know if the feeling is reciprocated, if im overreaching, or if I havent said enough

The only true reason that i write here is to yell into the void, in some backwards attempt to have someone listen because I am too scared to talk about it to someone directly.
Ultimately I may be shooting myself in the foot, but on the same coin perhaps its for the best

It still doesnt change that I worry, that I care.
All of it compiles into my fatal flaw of caring too much.
I look at myself and see someone who maybe now isnt quite sure what he wants in life. And where he wants that life to be.

(Im ok dont worry)

What a mood. I see all sorts of pfps in my telegram groups and whatnot that I am either A) jealous of their art or B) want to get to know them because I feel a cool vibe through the art

That when I was woken up, my waking mind and subconscious were fighting for control, sending my body into a panic mode. I furiously scrawled out everything i could remember from the the dream and then surprisingly (maybe not so much) I thought of your music and Ive been on that kick since.

The background to this is that yesterday I awoke abruptly in the middle of the most beautiful dream, one where all was right in the world and I was free to wander in the northern forests, where there was nothing but trees and stars blanketing over them. It was so vivid and so real...
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