what can i say other than that i love diametrically opposed, “i want to kill you” -core yaoi

ok can’t speak for anyone else but after 4 aperol spritzes i can say that i am fully committed to the gego agenda

me being laying out a multi point essay about why two characters are in romantic love and my dad conceding to my points and then my sister comes in with the steel chair “top or bottom what do you think” and he just leaves the room

it rlly does just take the right context bc i was definitely squicked but i recently played an rpg w/ an antagonist whose ~thing~ is a mutilated eye and now i’m like… “the possibilities… what have i been missing???”

i really hope to get into it soon 😭😭😭 i bounce around a lot w/ writing that i do for fun instead of work bc it’s just great practice but as soon as it starts to feel like my job im like “i gotta get out of here!!” until i can relax about it again lmao

also im just kind of obsessed with thinking about hyth’s “debauched” (possibly not true but i like to think it is bc it’s fun lol) princely life and how he might reflect on that wrt to louis who is so very young and inexperienced in the grand scheme of things!!

it really is so hard!! but at the same time the challenge is what draws me to hyth’s pov, if that makes sense? 😭 im always rlly interested in the pathology behind bonds of questionable functionality and hyth presents an opportunity to explore grief, guilt, and suspicion as amplifiers to attraction

also i think that if i was willing to go on the evil black x app and learn how to use discord i would be improving at a faster rate but anorexia demons make me scared to venture deeply into socials and so i’m just on an island texting my sibling like “do you rock w/ this??? does it make sense??”

like i have an inherent understanding of zorba esp wrt his feelings for louis and it’s easy for me to expand on that but moa is more inscrutable to me!!! like… i know what i want to say but… how do i say it?? and how do i make it believable in the context of the world at large???

i just lean more toward writing from moa’s perspective but what i produce is never good enough and i need to LOCK IN.

try not to become so obsessed with zorba all over again that i ignore my goal to really listen to/analyze more’s lines so i can write ruimoa that’s worth reading challenge (i might still fail)

back to this in my wildest dreams it would be record of a night too brief meets the rope artist with a touch of r. chandler i have single scene and nothing else everyone boo me pls

but also i am so biased about this!! i find myself pulling back from talking at length about the themes and characters i find most compelling in a more ~open~ way bc im like “this is supposed to be fun for me” lmao and i just assume others might feel the same

i kinda suspect that its very overt connection to real life social dynamics make it harder to discuss openly bc it suffers from that thing that all high fantasy that tackles Serious Issues (dragon age, PoE, etc) always does where like critiques of the framework overwrite convos abt the text itself

it’s so chic to inhabit the mind of an unknown watchperson (or a known/implied voyeur who layers their own thoughts and opinions into the narrative in a way that’s not immediately obvious, thus muddying the waters about what is “real” within the fiction) why do people hate it?? ))))):