Thank you, friend…and you’re right, she really is fabulous…

But I have made an appointment to see a psychologist. It's a new one, my previous one is no longer practicing, so I have anxiety that I need to learn a new person.

I just need to talk, and find a perspective.

I have two more years of this to get through.

I can't imagine how complicated it would be to move to the other side of the world. More intense than my anxiety would be able to deal with.

Men and women just need to start giving each other a chance again.

And learn to be kind to each other…

Men have given up because they just want to feel close to someone, and women have decided they are all bastards.

There any many bastards, but those of us who try to be good men get lumped in with those bastards, and we don’t stand a chance.

Ladies - please try and give men some answers. They might act tough and like that don’t care.

Most of us do care, but most of those don’t want to seem weak.

It’s not a failure to let yourself feel. To let yourself cry.

But it hurts more when you don’t know why you’re crying.

They would never tell me why, and I’m too curious not to want to know.

I am enough, I am a good man.

But I’m always the one alone, I’m always the second choice.

And I’m fucking tired of it.

I miss her much.

I’m tired of falling out of relationships and never finding any closure.

From almost zero of my relationships have I any answer to why those relationships ended.

I used to try so hard to find that closure, that I probably hurt myself even more but getting upset that they would never tell me…

I miss genuine adult intimacy. Not necessarily sexual intimacy, just feeling close to someone.

Maddie was the closest thing I had to that, but now she’s away for at least 2 years, and while I can call her up and talk, being half an world away still creates a distance that’s difficult to bear…

Honestly, it’s only been a few hours, and this is fucked.

I’m incredibly touched that she asked me to drive her, and it was a warm parting, but what do I do with her being on the other side of the planet for two years?

I’ve been crying ever since I got home.