when we have our needs met, we can choose more intentionally. and sometimes that seems like a luxury that’s not accessible to many of us at many points of our lives.

for a lot of us, our material needs take precedence. when I was young, I chose intimate relationships to meet my need for housing; it wasn’t about who I wanted to be but if I wanted to be housed. as an adult, I’ve prioritized relationships with people who share in the labor of caring for kids.

something I’ve been sitting with since then is that when we choose our intimate relationships, we’re also choosing who we want to be. which values, practices, and behaviors we want to deepen into. how we want to show up in the world.