If you watch one film that involves Doctor Who taking a load of kids for a holiday on the buses to Wales to sing a song this Christmas, make sure it’s Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger. You will laugh. You will cry. You will believe a donkey could be lowered on a winch off a hundred-foot mountain.

Iiiiiinnn mmmyyyy liiiifffeee

Is the cheese factory hiring again?

Oh Christ! Has to be The Wicker Man. Creeping suspense and out-in-the-sticks eeriness, severed hand candles (handles?) and Britt Ekland’s body double all come together to create an unnerving feeling of being a fish out of water in a hostile foreign land: the sunny fields of Dumfries and Galloway!

Put that ball in those goals!