That Kid Ain't Right
@thethingshesays.bsky.social
But we love them anyway
Pinned
I made this account to chronicle the wild shit my kid says. Gonna do my best to sanitize names, pronouns, etc. The kid talks like autocomplete. Within a few words of each other it makes sense, but the overarching sentences are eldritch in nature.
"Why did the Earth was made?"
December 6, 2025 at 3:52 PM
"Why did the Earth was made?"
"I like the Ravens but do the red guys fight the same guys?"
November 27, 2025 at 11:04 PM
"I like the Ravens but do the red guys fight the same guys?"
"I needed to fart, but I saved it for later."
November 10, 2025 at 1:41 AM
"I needed to fart, but I saved it for later."
"Everything has sugar except for the not everything, like the things that we do with."
November 3, 2025 at 12:58 AM
"Everything has sugar except for the not everything, like the things that we do with."
"Did you know that every time in your future, it's always in your head?"
You mean your past?
"No, in your brain"
You mean your past?
"No, in your brain"
October 17, 2025 at 5:52 PM
"Did you know that every time in your future, it's always in your head?"
You mean your past?
"No, in your brain"
You mean your past?
"No, in your brain"
Kiddo doesn't think 7 eating 9 is scary enough, so they're asking for more power scaling. Could 7 eat 100? What about 1000?
September 29, 2025 at 11:41 PM
Kiddo doesn't think 7 eating 9 is scary enough, so they're asking for more power scaling. Could 7 eat 100? What about 1000?
*blows bubbles*
"Sorry, I misspoke. I actually meant to fart."
"Sorry, I misspoke. I actually meant to fart."
September 26, 2025 at 12:11 AM
*blows bubbles*
"Sorry, I misspoke. I actually meant to fart."
"Sorry, I misspoke. I actually meant to fart."
*stretches* "Ahhhhh the gingerbread man is back!"
The gingerbread man..?
"Yeah, the gingerbread man is me!"
The gingerbread man..?
"Yeah, the gingerbread man is me!"
September 21, 2025 at 1:45 PM
*stretches* "Ahhhhh the gingerbread man is back!"
The gingerbread man..?
"Yeah, the gingerbread man is me!"
The gingerbread man..?
"Yeah, the gingerbread man is me!"
"Ninjas are the best at fighting cause I practiced."
September 13, 2025 at 2:54 PM
"Ninjas are the best at fighting cause I practiced."
"You okay dad?"
Yeah, yep, hurt my foot. Kicked the bed. It hurt.
"Ah..yeah...wood's hard. Steel's harder."
Yeah, yep, hurt my foot. Kicked the bed. It hurt.
"Ah..yeah...wood's hard. Steel's harder."
September 5, 2025 at 11:29 PM
"You okay dad?"
Yeah, yep, hurt my foot. Kicked the bed. It hurt.
"Ah..yeah...wood's hard. Steel's harder."
Yeah, yep, hurt my foot. Kicked the bed. It hurt.
"Ah..yeah...wood's hard. Steel's harder."
"I don't know who you all are anymore =( "
(Kiddo found out we were out of lollipops)
(Kiddo found out we were out of lollipops)
September 4, 2025 at 11:55 PM
"I don't know who you all are anymore =( "
(Kiddo found out we were out of lollipops)
(Kiddo found out we were out of lollipops)
"Dad, can pigs walk backwards?"
I, what? Kid, I'm merging, gimme a minute.
"I don't think they can."
I, what? Kid, I'm merging, gimme a minute.
"I don't think they can."
August 24, 2025 at 2:14 AM
"Dad, can pigs walk backwards?"
I, what? Kid, I'm merging, gimme a minute.
"I don't think they can."
I, what? Kid, I'm merging, gimme a minute.
"I don't think they can."
"Does chicken come from crabs?"
July 26, 2025 at 11:59 PM
"Does chicken come from crabs?"
Kiddo has been scared about going upstairs by themself. Told them I'd give them $100 if they see a monster *and* I see it as well.
Bad parenting? Maybe.
Effective? Also maybe.
Bad parenting? Maybe.
Effective? Also maybe.
July 22, 2025 at 12:32 AM
Kiddo has been scared about going upstairs by themself. Told them I'd give them $100 if they see a monster *and* I see it as well.
Bad parenting? Maybe.
Effective? Also maybe.
Bad parenting? Maybe.
Effective? Also maybe.
"Your name is 'Diddums' cause you don't have any tattoos on you."
July 20, 2025 at 2:39 PM
"Your name is 'Diddums' cause you don't have any tattoos on you."
"Dad, what did you want when you were 20?"
July 4, 2025 at 5:55 PM
"Dad, what did you want when you were 20?"
Kid, you don't need to be worrying about Donald Trump, let's talk about something else.
"Oh, okay, how do you make blankets?"
"Oh, okay, how do you make blankets?"
July 3, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Kid, you don't need to be worrying about Donald Trump, let's talk about something else.
"Oh, okay, how do you make blankets?"
"Oh, okay, how do you make blankets?"
"'Ask me what I'm reading'...? Bro, you're reading a book."
July 3, 2025 at 11:57 PM
"'Ask me what I'm reading'...? Bro, you're reading a book."
"Dad, dont ever smell farts. They stink. Did you know that?"
Ye-
"Dad, have you ever smelled your farts?"
I choose to not answer that question.
Ye-
"Dad, have you ever smelled your farts?"
I choose to not answer that question.
June 28, 2025 at 11:21 PM
"Dad, dont ever smell farts. They stink. Did you know that?"
Ye-
"Dad, have you ever smelled your farts?"
I choose to not answer that question.
Ye-
"Dad, have you ever smelled your farts?"
I choose to not answer that question.
"Dad, I'm surfboarding, so don't get in my way. Surfboarding in this world is dangerous."
June 12, 2025 at 11:51 PM
"Dad, I'm surfboarding, so don't get in my way. Surfboarding in this world is dangerous."
"Yeah, dad starts with a k! 😠"
June 8, 2025 at 5:18 PM
"Yeah, dad starts with a k! 😠"
"Actually, that's not true, I love stinking. It's one of the good things of Earth. "
May 27, 2025 at 12:58 AM
"Actually, that's not true, I love stinking. It's one of the good things of Earth. "
"He's faster than me, but I'm faster than him."
May 26, 2025 at 10:34 PM
"He's faster than me, but I'm faster than him."
"When do you get a baby? When you have a job?"
May 24, 2025 at 11:54 PM
"When do you get a baby? When you have a job?"
"I wanna be a teenager so I can drive and do whatever I want."
Got bad news for you, kid...
Got bad news for you, kid...
May 17, 2025 at 12:55 AM
"I wanna be a teenager so I can drive and do whatever I want."
Got bad news for you, kid...
Got bad news for you, kid...