Daily Facts
@themuppetsfacts.bsky.social
Parody account, everything is satire. Just harmless shenanigans from a silly lil' goofball
The unholy god of severe back pain is haunting me yet again....
November 28, 2024 at 12:20 PM
The unholy god of severe back pain is haunting me yet again....
She gobblin' on my tallywhacker till I......EEEAAuUGhGGhhhH
November 28, 2024 at 5:54 AM
She gobblin' on my tallywhacker till I......EEEAAuUGhGGhhhH
Tug on my tiny lil' weenee
November 27, 2024 at 8:06 AM
Tug on my tiny lil' weenee
Me when I'm around illicit drugs and/or apple fritters
November 26, 2024 at 9:31 AM
Me when I'm around illicit drugs and/or apple fritters
Very soon I will break free from this flesh prison, then you'll all be sorry
November 26, 2024 at 7:25 AM
Very soon I will break free from this flesh prison, then you'll all be sorry
Me if I wasn't so fucking self destructive
November 26, 2024 at 7:23 AM
Me if I wasn't so fucking self destructive
Wish I was having one of those naps where it feels like you're dead
November 26, 2024 at 6:26 AM
Wish I was having one of those naps where it feels like you're dead
Will someone please slap my ass for me just so I can feel something
November 25, 2024 at 10:25 PM
Will someone please slap my ass for me just so I can feel something
Ever sneezed so hard you popped a boner and started jorkin' it?
November 25, 2024 at 6:41 PM
Ever sneezed so hard you popped a boner and started jorkin' it?
Her: "You must be sick if you think I'm dressing up in the slave Princess Leia outfit and giving you a gravy footjob under your parents glass table at thanksgiving!"
Me af:
Me af:
November 24, 2024 at 11:20 AM
Her: "You must be sick if you think I'm dressing up in the slave Princess Leia outfit and giving you a gravy footjob under your parents glass table at thanksgiving!"
Me af:
Me af:
Can't believe I woke up again and have to live in this corporeal realm for at least another 24 hours
November 24, 2024 at 6:49 AM
Can't believe I woke up again and have to live in this corporeal realm for at least another 24 hours
Just saw a penis poke through the glory hole in Burger King, gonna sniff it like a fine Cuban cigar
November 23, 2024 at 10:23 PM
Just saw a penis poke through the glory hole in Burger King, gonna sniff it like a fine Cuban cigar
She crushes my balls with her heels call that sackrilege
November 23, 2024 at 8:56 PM
She crushes my balls with her heels call that sackrilege
Anyone know how I can summon Cthulhu with only a lighter, a 2 day old prawn cracker and some loose change from my sofa? I'm broke....and a lil' horny
November 23, 2024 at 5:39 PM
Anyone know how I can summon Cthulhu with only a lighter, a 2 day old prawn cracker and some loose change from my sofa? I'm broke....and a lil' horny
Man, some sloppy toppy from a gorgeous blonde and a syrupy footjob from a goth girl behind a dumpster at Wendy's would go hard AF right now
November 23, 2024 at 3:56 PM
Man, some sloppy toppy from a gorgeous blonde and a syrupy footjob from a goth girl behind a dumpster at Wendy's would go hard AF right now
DO NOT!!! I REPEAT, DO NOT fuck the pizza fresh out the oven. Last time I let my intrusive thoughts win
November 23, 2024 at 9:15 AM
DO NOT!!! I REPEAT, DO NOT fuck the pizza fresh out the oven. Last time I let my intrusive thoughts win
Be real with me for two minutes...which Pokémon is the most fuckable?
November 22, 2024 at 2:33 PM
Be real with me for two minutes...which Pokémon is the most fuckable?
Realistically...how many kidney stones should one person be passing in the space of 24 hours?
November 22, 2024 at 4:40 AM
Realistically...how many kidney stones should one person be passing in the space of 24 hours?
I'm so thankful that the person who invented toilet paper made it so it turns red to let you know you can stop wiping
November 21, 2024 at 9:29 AM
I'm so thankful that the person who invented toilet paper made it so it turns red to let you know you can stop wiping
Fun Fact #2
Kermit the frog on certain occasions has been known to participate in some ritualistic cannibalism
Kermit the frog on certain occasions has been known to participate in some ritualistic cannibalism
November 21, 2024 at 5:25 AM
Fun Fact #2
Kermit the frog on certain occasions has been known to participate in some ritualistic cannibalism
Kermit the frog on certain occasions has been known to participate in some ritualistic cannibalism