Liz Wasser [she/her]
@thelizwasser.bsky.social
actor | comedy writer | writer writer
“My BFF!” -Betty Buckley
opinions are my own and objectively correct
“My BFF!” -Betty Buckley
opinions are my own and objectively correct
Pinned
A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by side
A little bit of Rita’s what i need
A little bit of Tina’s all I see
But they were all of them deceived
For another Mambo was made
A little bit of Erica by side
A little bit of Rita’s what i need
A little bit of Tina’s all I see
But they were all of them deceived
For another Mambo was made
Saying “wait just a clock-tick” once is cute.
Saying it twice is a fun callback.
Saying it three times summons Cthulhu from the very depths of Hell. All shall look upon Him and despair.
Saying it four times is a girl fight.
Saying it twice is a fun callback.
Saying it three times summons Cthulhu from the very depths of Hell. All shall look upon Him and despair.
Saying it four times is a girl fight.
November 25, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Saying “wait just a clock-tick” once is cute.
Saying it twice is a fun callback.
Saying it three times summons Cthulhu from the very depths of Hell. All shall look upon Him and despair.
Saying it four times is a girl fight.
Saying it twice is a fun callback.
Saying it three times summons Cthulhu from the very depths of Hell. All shall look upon Him and despair.
Saying it four times is a girl fight.
Shout out to this diva and the og sex cardigan
November 25, 2025 at 4:32 PM
Shout out to this diva and the og sex cardigan
It’s a sad day for this country when the president looks at a reporter and says “quiet, piggy” like a school bully instead of “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” like a true statesman.
November 21, 2025 at 1:56 AM
It’s a sad day for this country when the president looks at a reporter and says “quiet, piggy” like a school bully instead of “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” like a true statesman.
you two better not be a sultry massage table when I get there
October 28, 2025 at 10:11 PM
you two better not be a sultry massage table when I get there
Not that Zohran needs any help securing the millennial vote, but “Mamdani” scans perfectly with Ben Folds’ “The Army” if anyone’s thinking inauguration lineup.
cc @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social
cc @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social
October 22, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Not that Zohran needs any help securing the millennial vote, but “Mamdani” scans perfectly with Ben Folds’ “The Army” if anyone’s thinking inauguration lineup.
cc @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social
cc @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social
Thoughts and prayers for the Louvre—may the priceless cultural artifacts so cruelly stolen from your country for profit be returned soon 🇫🇷🙏🏼
October 21, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Thoughts and prayers for the Louvre—may the priceless cultural artifacts so cruelly stolen from your country for profit be returned soon 🇫🇷🙏🏼
Can’t believe I have to spend Columbus Day trapped like a prisoner in my own home while an unwanted terror rips through my city like it owns the place.
October 12, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Can’t believe I have to spend Columbus Day trapped like a prisoner in my own home while an unwanted terror rips through my city like it owns the place.
JIMMY KIMMEL COLD OPEN
GUILLERMO: There's been no one for so long. Who are you?
KIMMEL: I'm Jimmy.
GUILLERMO: Jimmy who?
:KIMMEL LOOKS AROUND, NODS:
KIMMEL: Jimmy Skywalker.
:IMPERIAL MARCH PLAYS:
:MATT DAMON ENTERS WITH VADER HELMET + FCC NAME TAG:
DAMON: JIMMMYYYY!
GUILLERMO: There's been no one for so long. Who are you?
KIMMEL: I'm Jimmy.
GUILLERMO: Jimmy who?
:KIMMEL LOOKS AROUND, NODS:
KIMMEL: Jimmy Skywalker.
:IMPERIAL MARCH PLAYS:
:MATT DAMON ENTERS WITH VADER HELMET + FCC NAME TAG:
DAMON: JIMMMYYYY!
September 24, 2025 at 3:28 AM
JIMMY KIMMEL COLD OPEN
GUILLERMO: There's been no one for so long. Who are you?
KIMMEL: I'm Jimmy.
GUILLERMO: Jimmy who?
:KIMMEL LOOKS AROUND, NODS:
KIMMEL: Jimmy Skywalker.
:IMPERIAL MARCH PLAYS:
:MATT DAMON ENTERS WITH VADER HELMET + FCC NAME TAG:
DAMON: JIMMMYYYY!
GUILLERMO: There's been no one for so long. Who are you?
KIMMEL: I'm Jimmy.
GUILLERMO: Jimmy who?
:KIMMEL LOOKS AROUND, NODS:
KIMMEL: Jimmy Skywalker.
:IMPERIAL MARCH PLAYS:
:MATT DAMON ENTERS WITH VADER HELMET + FCC NAME TAG:
DAMON: JIMMMYYYY!
BREAKING: Prof. Indiana Jones ousted from the Marshall College archeology department for hateful public remarks.
September 20, 2025 at 12:37 AM
BREAKING: Prof. Indiana Jones ousted from the Marshall College archeology department for hateful public remarks.
“You want to have your cake and eat it too.” Um, yeah I do? Why else would I have cake??
September 19, 2025 at 5:20 PM
“You want to have your cake and eat it too.” Um, yeah I do? Why else would I have cake??
MACAVI-T. WASHINGTON
September 1, 2025 at 12:06 AM
MACAVI-T. WASHINGTON
SNOOP DOGG:
I’m scared to watch kids movies bc what if a baby has lesbian moms?
ALSO SNOOP DOGG:
I'm too swift on my toes to get caught up with you hoes
But see it ain't no fun
If my homies can't get a taste of it
Cause you know I don't love em
I’m scared to watch kids movies bc what if a baby has lesbian moms?
ALSO SNOOP DOGG:
I'm too swift on my toes to get caught up with you hoes
But see it ain't no fun
If my homies can't get a taste of it
Cause you know I don't love em
August 28, 2025 at 12:41 AM
SNOOP DOGG:
I’m scared to watch kids movies bc what if a baby has lesbian moms?
ALSO SNOOP DOGG:
I'm too swift on my toes to get caught up with you hoes
But see it ain't no fun
If my homies can't get a taste of it
Cause you know I don't love em
I’m scared to watch kids movies bc what if a baby has lesbian moms?
ALSO SNOOP DOGG:
I'm too swift on my toes to get caught up with you hoes
But see it ain't no fun
If my homies can't get a taste of it
Cause you know I don't love em
Nice try, Titus Andromedon.
August 23, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Nice try, Titus Andromedon.
A non-binary playwright creates the best comedy in decades. It moves to the Lyceum, shatters records, wins big awards. Now a drag legend/trans icon is Mary Todd Lincoln, and a Brown movie star is the President. It’s subversive. It’s thrilling. It’s everything Broadway should be.
August 9, 2025 at 1:38 AM
A non-binary playwright creates the best comedy in decades. It moves to the Lyceum, shatters records, wins big awards. Now a drag legend/trans icon is Mary Todd Lincoln, and a Brown movie star is the President. It’s subversive. It’s thrilling. It’s everything Broadway should be.
Cutting Down on Ibuprofen: A Poem
My head probably only hurts
because I’m tired
Or because I slept too much
Or because I’ve had too much caffeine
Or because I didn’t have enough caffeine
Or because I’m not drinking enough water
Or because I’m peeing out all my nutrients
Or
My head probably only hurts
because I’m tired
Or because I slept too much
Or because I’ve had too much caffeine
Or because I didn’t have enough caffeine
Or because I’m not drinking enough water
Or because I’m peeing out all my nutrients
Or
August 8, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Cutting Down on Ibuprofen: A Poem
My head probably only hurts
because I’m tired
Or because I slept too much
Or because I’ve had too much caffeine
Or because I didn’t have enough caffeine
Or because I’m not drinking enough water
Or because I’m peeing out all my nutrients
Or
My head probably only hurts
because I’m tired
Or because I slept too much
Or because I’ve had too much caffeine
Or because I didn’t have enough caffeine
Or because I’m not drinking enough water
Or because I’m peeing out all my nutrients
Or
cc @kristinoem
August 8, 2025 at 1:51 AM
cc @kristinoem
I miss good old fashioned jeans ads with no agenda other than giving us good old fashioned body dysmorphia.
August 4, 2025 at 7:18 PM
I miss good old fashioned jeans ads with no agenda other than giving us good old fashioned body dysmorphia.
Wow and here I was thinking we live in a “post-racial America.”
July 31, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Wow and here I was thinking we live in a “post-racial America.”
Two Shakiras stand before you in a labyrinth.
One whose hips don’t lie.
One whose hips only deceive.
You must cross Bad Bunny Bridge to safety
before the beat drops.
A ravenous Pitbull is gaining fast.
One whose hips don’t lie.
One whose hips only deceive.
You must cross Bad Bunny Bridge to safety
before the beat drops.
A ravenous Pitbull is gaining fast.
July 28, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Two Shakiras stand before you in a labyrinth.
One whose hips don’t lie.
One whose hips only deceive.
You must cross Bad Bunny Bridge to safety
before the beat drops.
A ravenous Pitbull is gaining fast.
One whose hips don’t lie.
One whose hips only deceive.
You must cross Bad Bunny Bridge to safety
before the beat drops.
A ravenous Pitbull is gaining fast.
Freakier Friday is actually a remake of Three Body Problem.
July 19, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Freakier Friday is actually a remake of Three Body Problem.
Stephen Colbert for chief New York Times Theater Critic
July 19, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Stephen Colbert for chief New York Times Theater Critic
What if we’ve hunted all the witches to extinction like the dodo bird?
July 16, 2025 at 11:23 PM
What if we’ve hunted all the witches to extinction like the dodo bird?
If you can’t handle me at my insecure anxiety spiral then IT’S PROBABLY ME BC I RUIN EVERYTHING I’M SO SORRY
July 8, 2025 at 6:31 PM
If you can’t handle me at my insecure anxiety spiral then IT’S PROBABLY ME BC I RUIN EVERYTHING I’M SO SORRY
Excuse me, these are my emotional support constitutional rights.
July 4, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Excuse me, these are my emotional support constitutional rights.
pretty homophobic how annoyed people get every time I whisper “kiiisssss” during squid game
June 30, 2025 at 3:31 AM
pretty homophobic how annoyed people get every time I whisper “kiiisssss” during squid game