“Creep” has become Generation Z’s “Mr. Brightside”.

Look, everyone is entitled to their opinions. Obviously. But I’m consistently flabbergasted that the New York Times pays Bret Stephens for his. It’s like paying a toddler to scribble on the walls or flush a cat down the toilet.

The guitar solo from “Shake It Up” by The Cars may not be the best guitar solo of all time, but it is the most fun guitar solo of all time. That’s a fact in the Library of Congress.

Governor Shapiro, Altoona PD, and NYPD are taking a lotttttt of investigative credit considering they just picked up a guy fingered by a McDonald’s patron. Nice feed, WJAC.

New Jersey has some of the best pizza in the country. But not south Jersey. Your pizza is shit. Stop riding the coattails of the rest of the state.

When virtually every American is either shrugging at or actively cheering on the assassination of your CEO, I’m thinking that, as a company, you might want to reexamine your business plan. And maybe other industry leaders should do the same?

Sometimes, when I’m feeling low and beating myself up for making a mistake, I watch the “Dancing in the Street” video by Mick Jagger and David Bowie on YouTube to remind myself that even wildly-talented people can fuck up and do something cataclysmically horrible, yet bounce back from it.

Good & Plenty doesn’t work on paper. It shouldn’t be a candy. And yet…

I find it hilarious that employees of the Lego Store have to wear aprons, as if the Lego business is particularly messy.

There are 9,165 CVS locations in the United States. That means that, as a company, CVS employs 9,165 people.

Is it possible to have the Hallmark Channel blocked? Like, if you call your cable company and ask them to have it deleted from your cable lineup, would they do it quietly, without telling anyone else in your household?

The secret to sounding like Michael McDonald is to sing like you just finished the fifty yard dash.

If Trump nominated Michael McDonald as Attorney General, I’d get behind it. Everyone would. Everyone likes Michael McDonald.

Looks like Elon Musk found a clever loophole to get around that whole natural-burn citizen requirement to become president.

It’s peaceful now, but it’ll get spicy when the trolls get bored over on Twitter. Then we’ll move to the next thing. Then they’ll follow. And this is how the barbarian invasion ended the Western Roman Empire.

Harry Chapin should have been in the same pantheon as Bob Dylan and John Prine.

There are few things more awkward than running into someone you know twice in the same trip to the grocery store. All you can do by the second meeting is that lips-pressed-together-while-raising-the-eyebrows thing. That's my specialty.

I never ever get tired of “I Wish” by Skee-Lo. I want it played at my funeral.