it's 3AM.
i am now measuring blue jays games in REM cycles.

a lot of trump supporters are upset because he lost out on the nobel peace prize for his work in the middle east.. but personally i'm more upset that he lost out on the nobel prize in literature for his work on jeffrey epstein's birthday card.

does anybody here know anyone at FOX news?

only reason i ask is because i'm the leader of ANTIFA and if they wanted to interview me i'll need to send them over my booking fee (cash up front).

stephen miller looks like a featherless ostrich.

me as a DM: i want a serious game

also me as a DM: as the queens murder trial begins, a hush falls over the crowd. suddenly the courtroom door swings open. you turn to see alexander slugsly, the worst trial lawyer in the feywild; half man, half slug-lawyer, from the firm slugsly, slugsly and weiss.

the revolution will not be televised.
it'll be on paramount+

one day you don't have a cat, the next you find yourself holding it an inch from your face saying shit like "mr. veal parmesan, you dare hiss at our guest!"

everyone has their peaks and valley's but my depression looks like a fuckin ocean depth chart.

@jamesgunn.bsky.social who wrote the "i'm sorry sir, i tried to stop him?" joke when superman flies in and breaks the door down? because that might be one of the funniest jokes i've ever heard in a film.

elden ring is harder than childbirth.

watching canadian federal election results roll in like..

for earth day this year i've decided to reduce my paper consumption by jerking off directly into the trash can.
i'm very green.

pierre poilievre is like narcan for good vibes.

if celebrities can call themselves an "astronaut" for a commercial space flight, then i can start calling myself a cloud because i've been on a plane.

i wasn't alive during the great depression but i did go to the bay this weekend to use some old gift cards, so i'm pretty sure i know what it was like to amble around a hooverville.

who would you rather issue you jerk off instructions:
werner herzog or david attenborough?

AI can do the job of an artist the same way the kitchen sink can do the job of your toilet.

every woman i've ever showered with washes her labia with the exact same laser-focused expression my cat makes when she uses her scratching post.