The Great White Dope
@thedopemisanthrope.bsky.social
My give a damn is broken and my box of fucks is empty.
Here's a tip to help you stop getting political phone calls.
When they ask if you're pro-life or pro-choice, simply tell them "I'm all for killing babies but I don't like the idea of giving women a choice."
When they ask if you're pro-life or pro-choice, simply tell them "I'm all for killing babies but I don't like the idea of giving women a choice."
November 2, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Here's a tip to help you stop getting political phone calls.
When they ask if you're pro-life or pro-choice, simply tell them "I'm all for killing babies but I don't like the idea of giving women a choice."
When they ask if you're pro-life or pro-choice, simply tell them "I'm all for killing babies but I don't like the idea of giving women a choice."
@rickastl3y.bsky.social asked me if he could borrow a couple of my Pixar DVDs.
"Okay," I said. "You can have Monsters Inc, The Incredibles and WALL-E but I'm never gonna give you Up."
"Okay," I said. "You can have Monsters Inc, The Incredibles and WALL-E but I'm never gonna give you Up."
July 29, 2025 at 12:33 PM
@rickastl3y.bsky.social asked me if he could borrow a couple of my Pixar DVDs.
"Okay," I said. "You can have Monsters Inc, The Incredibles and WALL-E but I'm never gonna give you Up."
"Okay," I said. "You can have Monsters Inc, The Incredibles and WALL-E but I'm never gonna give you Up."
My wife said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.
And then I saw her face.
May 31, 2025 at 3:35 PM
My wife said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.
And then I saw her face.
I took my dog to the park this evening and played frisbee with him. He was useless.
I think I need a flatter dog.
I think I need a flatter dog.
May 23, 2025 at 8:38 PM
I took my dog to the park this evening and played frisbee with him. He was useless.
I think I need a flatter dog.
I think I need a flatter dog.
True story.
When I was little I could teleport. I'd remember falling asleep on the couch and then waking up in bed.
I wonder when I grew out of that ability?
When I was little I could teleport. I'd remember falling asleep on the couch and then waking up in bed.
I wonder when I grew out of that ability?
May 19, 2025 at 10:13 PM
True story.
When I was little I could teleport. I'd remember falling asleep on the couch and then waking up in bed.
I wonder when I grew out of that ability?
When I was little I could teleport. I'd remember falling asleep on the couch and then waking up in bed.
I wonder when I grew out of that ability?
Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?
He managed to find guys named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
He managed to find guys named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
April 4, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?
He managed to find guys named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
He managed to find guys named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
I never understood HBO. Warning: This movie may contain nudity.
May?
Either it does or it doesn't, don't waste my fucking time.
May?
Either it does or it doesn't, don't waste my fucking time.
April 2, 2025 at 4:19 PM
I never understood HBO. Warning: This movie may contain nudity.
May?
Either it does or it doesn't, don't waste my fucking time.
May?
Either it does or it doesn't, don't waste my fucking time.
It just occurred to me that when using the word bitch in a derogatory context, the preceding adjective, the size of it, changes based on the gender of the person you're referring to.
Women are always called big, large, giant, or huge bitches. Men are always called little bitches.
Women are always called big, large, giant, or huge bitches. Men are always called little bitches.
March 26, 2025 at 11:16 AM
It just occurred to me that when using the word bitch in a derogatory context, the preceding adjective, the size of it, changes based on the gender of the person you're referring to.
Women are always called big, large, giant, or huge bitches. Men are always called little bitches.
Women are always called big, large, giant, or huge bitches. Men are always called little bitches.
As you walk on by...
March 24, 2025 at 6:10 PM
As you walk on by...
My wife thinks I'm too drunk to take the goldfish for a walk.
I'll show her.
I'll show her.
February 12, 2025 at 3:13 PM
My wife thinks I'm too drunk to take the goldfish for a walk.
I'll show her.
I'll show her.
The third rule of Fight Club is to have fun and try your best.
January 31, 2025 at 1:39 PM
The third rule of Fight Club is to have fun and try your best.
"Gulf of America" has serious "Willis Tower" vibes.
January 23, 2025 at 2:59 PM
"Gulf of America" has serious "Willis Tower" vibes.
For every person who dies in a terrorist attack globally, 58 people in the US die because of a lack of health care.
Invade a hospital.
Invade a hospital.
January 22, 2025 at 2:40 PM
For every person who dies in a terrorist attack globally, 58 people in the US die because of a lack of health care.
Invade a hospital.
Invade a hospital.
With snow on the ground I'm gonna head out later and make snow angels.
By driving recklessly on my way home from work.
By driving recklessly on my way home from work.
January 21, 2025 at 10:03 PM
With snow on the ground I'm gonna head out later and make snow angels.
By driving recklessly on my way home from work.
By driving recklessly on my way home from work.
If someone says "You're the last person I'd want to hurt", beware.
It implies that there is a list of people they want to hurt, and you're on it.
It implies that there is a list of people they want to hurt, and you're on it.
January 20, 2025 at 4:20 PM
If someone says "You're the last person I'd want to hurt", beware.
It implies that there is a list of people they want to hurt, and you're on it.
It implies that there is a list of people they want to hurt, and you're on it.
Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
January 15, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
I have OC/DC. It's just like OCD except it fucking rocks.
January 9, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I have OC/DC. It's just like OCD except it fucking rocks.
My New Year's resolutions are:
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
January 7, 2025 at 3:30 PM
My New Year's resolutions are:
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
Next Christmas I'll have to remember to poke airholes in the box before putting the puppy in.
a dog is sitting on a couch with its head on a woman 's lap .
ALT: a dog is sitting on a couch with its head on a woman 's lap .
media.tenor.com
January 2, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Next Christmas I'll have to remember to poke airholes in the box before putting the puppy in.
Happy New Year to most!
January 1, 2025 at 1:38 PM
Happy New Year to most!
My father once told me, "If you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
December 28, 2024 at 3:20 PM
My father once told me, "If you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
I like people like I like my coffee.
I don't like coffee.
I don't like coffee.
December 23, 2024 at 1:40 PM
I like people like I like my coffee.
I don't like coffee.
I don't like coffee.
Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can someone help clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
December 20, 2024 at 4:54 PM
Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can someone help clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
You hear people say "I'm not racist, but..." a lot, but never the other way around.
You never hear people say "I am racist, but the Pakistani guy next door is a fucking legend."
You never hear people say "I am racist, but the Pakistani guy next door is a fucking legend."
December 18, 2024 at 8:56 PM
You hear people say "I'm not racist, but..." a lot, but never the other way around.
You never hear people say "I am racist, but the Pakistani guy next door is a fucking legend."
You never hear people say "I am racist, but the Pakistani guy next door is a fucking legend."
Anyone else work in Excel all day and change the lyrics to Wicked's "Popular" when doing pivot tables?
Tab-u-lar. It's got to be tab-u-lar...
No? Just me?
Tab-u-lar. It's got to be tab-u-lar...
No? Just me?
December 17, 2024 at 9:14 PM
Anyone else work in Excel all day and change the lyrics to Wicked's "Popular" when doing pivot tables?
Tab-u-lar. It's got to be tab-u-lar...
No? Just me?
Tab-u-lar. It's got to be tab-u-lar...
No? Just me?