Jon Distortion
@thedistortion007.bsky.social
A man of... Character?
Everything I say stands as wholly satirical in nature, unless you happen to agree with me; in such instances, consider my words as 100% true and sincere.
Everything I say stands as wholly satirical in nature, unless you happen to agree with me; in such instances, consider my words as 100% true and sincere.
Minimalism is a scam developed by Big Small to sell more less.
December 15, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Minimalism is a scam developed by Big Small to sell more less.
Reposted by Jon Distortion
Trump frickin' loves this guy lmao
November 21, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Trump frickin' loves this guy lmao
Y'know, I was mostly joking when I said this, but I'm certainly not complaining about the result.
That's nice. Now release the Epstein Files.
Democrats have spent years slamming shutdowns, but now they're pushing a reckless $1.5T spending spree, including healthcare for illegal aliens. Keeping the government shut down only hurts hardworking Americans.
Tell Congress to STOP the Democrat-led shutdown.
Tell Congress to STOP the Democrat-led shutdown.
November 20, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Y'know, I was mostly joking when I said this, but I'm certainly not complaining about the result.
That's nice. Now release the Epstein Files.
Democrats have spent years slamming shutdowns, but now they're pushing a reckless $1.5T spending spree, including healthcare for illegal aliens. Keeping the government shut down only hurts hardworking Americans.
Tell Congress to STOP the Democrat-led shutdown.
Tell Congress to STOP the Democrat-led shutdown.
October 18, 2025 at 1:13 PM
That's nice. Now release the Epstein Files.
Breaking: the President of the United States, the Secretary of War, and the "most powerful military in the world" require emotional support and validation from Chuck Schumer. More at six.
THE MOST POWERFUL MILITARY IN THE WORLD IS NOW ON BLUESKY.
Hey @schumer.senate.gov — maybe it’s time you thank PRESIDENT TRUMP and SECRETARY OF WAR PETE HEGSETH for making sure EVERY military kid still has health care during your Democrat Shutdown.
Hey @schumer.senate.gov — maybe it’s time you thank PRESIDENT TRUMP and SECRETARY OF WAR PETE HEGSETH for making sure EVERY military kid still has health care during your Democrat Shutdown.
October 18, 2025 at 6:10 AM
Breaking: the President of the United States, the Secretary of War, and the "most powerful military in the world" require emotional support and validation from Chuck Schumer. More at six.
In light of the helpful demonstrations given to us by the Disney and Target corporations, I believe the chant of "Go Woke, Go Broke" ought to be retired.
In its place, I suggest we adopt the new-and far superior-phrase "Go Fash, Lose Cash."
In its place, I suggest we adopt the new-and far superior-phrase "Go Fash, Lose Cash."
September 23, 2025 at 3:07 PM
In light of the helpful demonstrations given to us by the Disney and Target corporations, I believe the chant of "Go Woke, Go Broke" ought to be retired.
In its place, I suggest we adopt the new-and far superior-phrase "Go Fash, Lose Cash."
In its place, I suggest we adopt the new-and far superior-phrase "Go Fash, Lose Cash."
Two facts I feel as though people tend to overlook:
1) Estrogen is a steroid
2) Steroids are lipids
That is all.
1) Estrogen is a steroid
2) Steroids are lipids
That is all.
September 12, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Two facts I feel as though people tend to overlook:
1) Estrogen is a steroid
2) Steroids are lipids
That is all.
1) Estrogen is a steroid
2) Steroids are lipids
That is all.
I must lock in tomorrow.
September 10, 2025 at 6:01 AM
I must lock in tomorrow.
Bad optics again
September 8, 2025 at 1:34 AM
Bad optics again
Huh, so it's being renamed to the Department of War again.
September 7, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Huh, so it's being renamed to the Department of War again.
Perhaps it was all meant to be.
August 4, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Perhaps it was all meant to be.
In light of the instatement of the new Pope, Leo XIV, here's some information on the last pope to take on the name Leo:
www.britannica.com/biography/Le...
www.britannica.com/biography/Le...
Leo XIII | Biography, 19th Century Pope, & Social Reformer | Britannica
Leo XIII was the head of the Roman Catholic Church (1878–1903). He brought a new spirit to the papacy, expressed in more conciliatory positions toward civil governments, by less opposition to scientif...
www.britannica.com
May 9, 2025 at 4:02 AM
In light of the instatement of the new Pope, Leo XIV, here's some information on the last pope to take on the name Leo:
www.britannica.com/biography/Le...
www.britannica.com/biography/Le...
And so the series claims another.
How did this series make me shed tears over a wordless, nameless stick-person’s rejection of binary morality and acceptance of themself?
May 7, 2025 at 2:40 AM
And so the series claims another.
Update: We're friends now.
We cannot always have victory overall; however, I still stand as undefeated by my rival. So really, I won where it mattered.
April 26, 2025 at 11:43 PM
Update: We're friends now.
W e l l I ' d s a y i t d e p e n d s o n a n u m b e r o f f a c t o r s , b u t t h a n k y o u f o r t h e i n t e r e s t i n g h y p o t h e t i c a l . : ] I s h a l l t h i n k o n t h i s .
H o w f a r a r e y o u w i l l i n g t o g o t o c l i n g t o w h a t y o u s o d e p e n d o n ?
April 25, 2025 at 4:51 PM
W e l l I ' d s a y i t d e p e n d s o n a n u m b e r o f f a c t o r s , b u t t h a n k y o u f o r t h e i n t e r e s t i n g h y p o t h e t i c a l . : ] I s h a l l t h i n k o n t h i s .
Petition for someone to obtain a rat and grant it the name "Cheez-It." Benefits of this action will include:
-New rat friend.
-Having a rat with the name "Cheez-It."
-Substantial increase in profits for the Kellanova corporation because you gave it free advertising.
-New conversation piece.
-New rat friend.
-Having a rat with the name "Cheez-It."
-Substantial increase in profits for the Kellanova corporation because you gave it free advertising.
-New conversation piece.
April 25, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Petition for someone to obtain a rat and grant it the name "Cheez-It." Benefits of this action will include:
-New rat friend.
-Having a rat with the name "Cheez-It."
-Substantial increase in profits for the Kellanova corporation because you gave it free advertising.
-New conversation piece.
-New rat friend.
-Having a rat with the name "Cheez-It."
-Substantial increase in profits for the Kellanova corporation because you gave it free advertising.
-New conversation piece.
anarchocapitalism
April 18, 2025 at 1:11 AM
anarchocapitalism
We cannot always have victory overall; however, I still stand as undefeated by my rival. So really, I won where it mattered.
February 26, 2025 at 4:22 AM
We cannot always have victory overall; however, I still stand as undefeated by my rival. So really, I won where it mattered.
But unfortunately, something went so very wrong; and now Edwin can't do anything but sing a stupid song.
Fun FNAF fact: The Mimic from the upcoming game "Secret of the Mimic" was created by a man named Edwin and it was notably difficult for him to put its pieces together.
February 21, 2025 at 2:38 AM
But unfortunately, something went so very wrong; and now Edwin can't do anything but sing a stupid song.
It recently came to my attention that some people do not know of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919. I am devastated by this knowledge and urge those who ARE aware of it to act swiftly in order to rectify this situation.
www.britannica.com/topic/Great-...
www.britannica.com/topic/Great-...
Great Molasses Flood | Definition, Fatalities, & Facts | Britannica
Great Molasses Flood, disaster in Boston when a storage tank collapsed on January 15, 1919, releasing two million gallons of molasses.
www.britannica.com
February 21, 2025 at 2:24 AM
It recently came to my attention that some people do not know of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919. I am devastated by this knowledge and urge those who ARE aware of it to act swiftly in order to rectify this situation.
www.britannica.com/topic/Great-...
www.britannica.com/topic/Great-...
ah sweet, sweet vindication. how I love you.
February 17, 2025 at 5:23 AM
ah sweet, sweet vindication. how I love you.
With this Valentine's Day coming to a close, I begin pondering the many mysteries associated with February: why does it have the least days of any month? Why do we add a day to it on leap years? Why does National Tater Tot Day take place within it? Many such questions- all with no meaningful answers
February 15, 2025 at 6:13 AM
With this Valentine's Day coming to a close, I begin pondering the many mysteries associated with February: why does it have the least days of any month? Why do we add a day to it on leap years? Why does National Tater Tot Day take place within it? Many such questions- all with no meaningful answers
if life is soup and we emerged from the primordial soup and our brains reside in a cerebrospinal fluid technically qualifying as soup and so many varieties of soup exist in this beautiful world then we must conclude if a god exists it has an inordinate fondness for the dish and I can't blame it tbh
February 14, 2025 at 10:26 PM
if life is soup and we emerged from the primordial soup and our brains reside in a cerebrospinal fluid technically qualifying as soup and so many varieties of soup exist in this beautiful world then we must conclude if a god exists it has an inordinate fondness for the dish and I can't blame it tbh