The Bored Card
@theboredcard.bsky.social
Satirical publication for Magic: The Gathering, Marvel Snap, and other nerdery | http://theboredcard.com | Support us at http://shop.theboredcard.com or http://patreon.com/theboredcard | Formerly pauperjumpstart.com
I'd be super into paparazzi if they decided to follow and photograph random people once in a while.
"Here's Suzy going into her 11:00am shift at Subway 15 min. late, check it out - her socks don't match."
Then the internet has an overlong irrational debate over sock-theories.
"Here's Suzy going into her 11:00am shift at Subway 15 min. late, check it out - her socks don't match."
Then the internet has an overlong irrational debate over sock-theories.
August 4, 2025 at 4:04 PM
I'd be super into paparazzi if they decided to follow and photograph random people once in a while.
"Here's Suzy going into her 11:00am shift at Subway 15 min. late, check it out - her socks don't match."
Then the internet has an overlong irrational debate over sock-theories.
"Here's Suzy going into her 11:00am shift at Subway 15 min. late, check it out - her socks don't match."
Then the internet has an overlong irrational debate over sock-theories.
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/14/n...
No Sweetie, The Blue Mage Under Your Bed Isn’t Holding a Counterspell
No Sweetie, The Blue Mage Under Your Bed Isn’t Holding a Counterspell
No Sweetie, The Blue Mage Under Your Bed Isn't Holding a Counterspell - The Bored Card
A local girl had quite the bedtime scare Tuesday evening. Seven-year-old Eloise Winters refused to go to sleep after claiming she saw “the blue mage under the bed holding up two untapped Islands and s...
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July 14, 2025 at 8:19 PM
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No Sweetie, The Blue Mage Under Your Bed Isn’t Holding a Counterspell
No Sweetie, The Blue Mage Under Your Bed Isn’t Holding a Counterspell
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/11/b...
Breaking: Mom’s Gonna Wait In Car While We Play Our Little Magic Game
Breaking: Mom’s Gonna Wait In Car While We Play Our Little Magic Game
Breaking: Mom's Gonna Wait In Car While We Play Our Little Magic Game - The Bored Card
In a developing story outside of Knight’s Table Gaming & Vapes, 13-year-old Jacob Millner confirmed that his mom will be “just fine waiting in the car” while he and his friends go play their little ga...
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July 11, 2025 at 7:03 PM
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Breaking: Mom’s Gonna Wait In Car While We Play Our Little Magic Game
Breaking: Mom’s Gonna Wait In Car While We Play Our Little Magic Game
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/08/n...
Newest Marvel Snap Season Pass Card Only Available to Players Who Can Properly Fold a Fitted Sheet
Newest Marvel Snap Season Pass Card Only Available to Players Who Can Properly Fold a Fitted Sheet
Newest Marvel Snap Season Pass Card Only Available to Players Who Can Properly Fold a Fitted Sheet - The Bored Card
Second Dinner has announced a new way to obtain a powerful new Marvel Snap card, available only to players who can demonstrate the ability to correctly fold a fitted sheet. “Players expect to be rewar...
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July 8, 2025 at 5:25 PM
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Newest Marvel Snap Season Pass Card Only Available to Players Who Can Properly Fold a Fitted Sheet
Newest Marvel Snap Season Pass Card Only Available to Players Who Can Properly Fold a Fitted Sheet
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/o...
Original Flavor Text for Sephiroth’s Intervention Urged Nostalgic Players to Schedule Colonoscopy
Original Flavor Text for Sephiroth’s Intervention Urged Nostalgic Players to Schedule Colonoscopy
Original Flavor Text for Sephiroth's Intervention Urged Nostalgic Players to Schedule Colonoscopy - The Bored Card
A recently uncovered draft of Sephiroth’s Intervention, a Magic: The Gathering Final Fantasy VII crossover, has revealed the original flavor text was less about lore and more about lower intestinal he...
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July 7, 2025 at 8:35 PM
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/o...
Original Flavor Text for Sephiroth’s Intervention Urged Nostalgic Players to Schedule Colonoscopy
Original Flavor Text for Sephiroth’s Intervention Urged Nostalgic Players to Schedule Colonoscopy
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/s...
Second Dinner Announces Marvel Snap Now Has a 4th Location Accessible via Toll
Second Dinner Announces Marvel Snap Now Has a 4th Location Accessible via Toll
Second Dinner Announces Marvel Snap Now Has a 4th Location Accessible via Toll - The Bored Card
Second Dinner has unveiled Marvel Snap’s newest mechanic: a fourth location—accessible only if you pay a toll. The new zone, officially named the Monelocation, will soon appear in-game if your app sto...
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July 7, 2025 at 7:52 PM
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Second Dinner Announces Marvel Snap Now Has a 4th Location Accessible via Toll
Second Dinner Announces Marvel Snap Now Has a 4th Location Accessible via Toll
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/t...
TCGPlayer Clarifies Requirement for ‘Lightly Played’ Condition as Having 51% or More of a Card Intact
TCGPlayer Clarifies Requirement for ‘Lightly Played’ Condition as Having 51% or More of a Card Intact
TCGPlayer Clarifies Requirement for 'Lightly Played' Condition as Having 51% or More of a Card Intact - The Bored Card
After years of debate over TCGplayer’s guidelines for grading a card’s condition, TCGPlayer has issued an official clarification on what qualifies as “Lightly Played”: the card must have at least 51% ...
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July 7, 2025 at 4:55 PM
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TCGPlayer Clarifies Requirement for ‘Lightly Played’ Condition as Having 51% or More of a Card Intact
TCGPlayer Clarifies Requirement for ‘Lightly Played’ Condition as Having 51% or More of a Card Intact
www.theboredcard.com/2025/07/07/g...
Giveaway: Free Final Fantasy Collectors Booster Box to the First One to Dodge 200 Lightning Strikes in this Field
Giveaway: Free Final Fantasy Collectors Booster Box to the First One to Dodge 200 Lightning Strikes in this Field
Giveaway: Free Final Fantasy Collectors Booster Box to the First One to Dodge 200 Lightning Strikes in this Field - The Bored Card
In a bold marketing stunt (or actionable OSHA violation) local game shop Flushable Board Wipes has announced an exclusive giveaway for a Final Fantasy collector’s booster box, free of charge, to the f...
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July 7, 2025 at 4:55 PM
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Giveaway: Free Final Fantasy Collectors Booster Box to the First One to Dodge 200 Lightning Strikes in this Field
Giveaway: Free Final Fantasy Collectors Booster Box to the First One to Dodge 200 Lightning Strikes in this Field
“I was printing some Final Fantasy proxies and the moment Yoshiro Ambe’s Tifa Lockhart came out of the tray, the printer made a sound. Not the usual whirrs or whees, but more like an ‘oooh’. Then, it asked if it could ‘jam my paper tray.’ Damn thing just went out of warranty too.”
Tifa Lockhart MTG Proxies Causing Widespread Sexual Awakening in LaserJet Printers - The Bored Card
An entire generation of HP LaserJets found themselves inexplicably obsessed with the curvature of the female anatomy Wednesday, as Magic: The Gathering players everywhere began printing Tifa Lockhart ...
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June 17, 2025 at 9:41 PM
“I was printing some Final Fantasy proxies and the moment Yoshiro Ambe’s Tifa Lockhart came out of the tray, the printer made a sound. Not the usual whirrs or whees, but more like an ‘oooh’. Then, it asked if it could ‘jam my paper tray.’ Damn thing just went out of warranty too.”
www.theboredcard.com/2025/01/22/w...
What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There
What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There
What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There - The Bored Card
BURLINGTON, V.T. — Magic: The Gathering confirmed that the exile zone, long thought to be a formless, desolate void, is actually a lot more fun than it sounds due to the presence of a GameCube with fo...
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January 22, 2025 at 5:37 PM
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What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There
What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There
My Mom’s Foundations Set Review: “Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket”
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/16/m...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/16/m...
My Mom's Foundations Set Review: "Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket" - The Bored Card
Foundations is a new Magic: The Gathering set that brings a host of new cards, stunning artwork, and familiar characters. While much has been said about the new expansion across MTG’s social sphere ou...
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November 16, 2024 at 4:06 PM
My Mom’s Foundations Set Review: “Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket”
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/16/m...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/16/m...
Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/15/t...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/15/t...
Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General - The Bored Card
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump announced today the appointment of Yawgmoth as Surgeon General of the United States. Yawgmoth, known as the “Lord of the Wastes” and the progenitor of t...
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November 15, 2024 at 3:15 PM
Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/15/t...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/15/t...
Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America’s New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/14/o...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/14/o...
Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America's New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping - The Bored Card
Let’s face it: Magic: The Gathering has all the components of a great American sport—it’s competitive, strategic, expensive, and boasts an incredibly loyal fanbase. So why hasn’t MTG cracked into main...
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November 14, 2024 at 5:19 PM
Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America’s New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/14/o...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/14/o...
Vatican Claims ‘Modern Day Miracle’ After Cash for ‘Foundations’ Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/09/v...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/09/v...
Vatican Claims 'Modern Day Miracle' After Cash for 'Foundations' Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate - The Bored Card
VATICAN CITY — In what is being hailed as a “modern day miracle,” the Vatican released a statement Wednesday after reports surfaced of an exact amount of cash to purchase a booster box of MTG’s ‘Found...
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November 9, 2024 at 4:41 AM
Vatican Claims ‘Modern Day Miracle’ After Cash for ‘Foundations’ Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/09/v...
www.theboredcard.com/2024/11/09/v...
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/30/h...
How to Tell if Your Mashed Potatoes Need More Basic Island
How to Tell if Your Mashed Potatoes Need More Basic Island
How to Tell if Your Mashed Potatoes Need More Basic Island
There's no magic formula for perfect mashed potatoes but often times they just need a bit more Basic Island.
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November 30, 2023 at 3:21 PM
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How to Tell if Your Mashed Potatoes Need More Basic Island
How to Tell if Your Mashed Potatoes Need More Basic Island
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/18/s...
San Diego Comic-Con Places Pre-Release Copy of Grand Theft Auto 6 at Center of Funko Pop Maze
San Diego Comic-Con Places Pre-Release Copy of Grand Theft Auto 6 at Center of Funko Pop Maze
San Diego Comic-Con Places Pre-Release Copy of Grand Theft Auto 6 at Center of Funko Pop Maze - The ...
In a move that has left attendees both bewildered and excited, San Diego Comic-Con has announced a unique challenge: a pre-release copy of the highly anticipated Grand Theft Auto 6 has been placed at ...
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November 18, 2023 at 6:24 PM
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/18/s...
San Diego Comic-Con Places Pre-Release Copy of Grand Theft Auto 6 at Center of Funko Pop Maze
San Diego Comic-Con Places Pre-Release Copy of Grand Theft Auto 6 at Center of Funko Pop Maze
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/13/f...
Fans Hopeful Their Favorite Magic: The Gathering Content Creators Drop Some Fresh IHOP Knowledge Soon
Fans Hopeful Their Favorite Magic: The Gathering Content Creators Drop Some Fresh IHOP Knowledge Soon
Fans Hopeful Their Favorite Magic: The Gathering Content Creators Drop Some Fresh IHOP Knowledge Soo...
Fans of prominent Magic: The Gathering content creators are waiting with bated breath for an update on the latest in pancake news from I.H.O.P. “Things were great leading up to and after Magicfest,�...
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November 13, 2023 at 3:01 PM
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Fans Hopeful Their Favorite Magic: The Gathering Content Creators Drop Some Fresh IHOP Knowledge Soon
Fans Hopeful Their Favorite Magic: The Gathering Content Creators Drop Some Fresh IHOP Knowledge Soon
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/10/m...
Modern Day Jesus? This Guy Always Snaps Whenever Opponent Uses the ‘Snap?’ Emote
Modern Day Jesus? This Guy Always Snaps Whenever Opponent Uses the ‘Snap?’ Emote
Modern Day Jesus? This Guy Always Snaps Whenever Opponent Uses the 'Snap?' Emote - The Bored Card
In what can only be described as a digital second coming, one Marvel Snap player has been hailed as the modern-day savior of sportsmanship. This player, known only by their in-game handle “SnapBack,...
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November 10, 2023 at 8:07 PM
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Modern Day Jesus? This Guy Always Snaps Whenever Opponent Uses the ‘Snap?’ Emote
Modern Day Jesus? This Guy Always Snaps Whenever Opponent Uses the ‘Snap?’ Emote
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/09/o...
Out of Ideas? Magic: The Gathering’s Marketing Team Chants ‘Taylor Swift’ Three Times into Bathroom Mirror
Out of Ideas? Magic: The Gathering’s Marketing Team Chants ‘Taylor Swift’ Three Times into Bathroom Mirror
Out of Ideas? Magic: The Gathering's Marketing Team Chants 'Taylor Swift' Three Times into Bathroom ...
Magic: The Gathering's marketing team gathers to chant 'Taylor Swift' three times into the bathroom mirror in hopes of drumming up sales.
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November 9, 2023 at 2:28 PM
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/09/o...
Out of Ideas? Magic: The Gathering’s Marketing Team Chants ‘Taylor Swift’ Three Times into Bathroom Mirror
Out of Ideas? Magic: The Gathering’s Marketing Team Chants ‘Taylor Swift’ Three Times into Bathroom Mirror
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/08/p...
Players Quick to Point Out They Could Buy a Vagina-Scented Candle for the Same Price as the Latest Marvel Snap Bundle
Players Quick to Point Out They Could Buy a Vagina-Scented Candle for the Same Price as the Latest Marvel Snap Bundle
Players Quick to Point Out They Could Buy a Vagina-Scented Candle for the Same Price as the Latest M...
This week’s outrage over the latest bundle offered in the digital CCG, Marvel Snap was punctuated by players comparing its price to that of a vagina-scented candle. “It’s ridiculous,” said one...
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November 8, 2023 at 3:09 PM
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/08/p...
Players Quick to Point Out They Could Buy a Vagina-Scented Candle for the Same Price as the Latest Marvel Snap Bundle
Players Quick to Point Out They Could Buy a Vagina-Scented Candle for the Same Price as the Latest Marvel Snap Bundle
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/07/p...
Parents of Child Dabbling In Magic: The Gathering Suggest They Smoke a Bunch of Weed Instead
Parents of Child Dabbling In Magic: The Gathering Suggest They Smoke a Bunch of Weed Instead
Parents of Child Dabbling In Magic: The Gathering Suggest They Smoke a Bunch of Weed Instead - The B...
Local parents Bobby and Shelly McLaune discovered their son Billy dabbling with Magic: The Gathering and decided to intervene by suggesting he start smoking a bunch of weed instead. “I found booster...
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November 7, 2023 at 7:54 PM
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/07/p...
Parents of Child Dabbling In Magic: The Gathering Suggest They Smoke a Bunch of Weed Instead
Parents of Child Dabbling In Magic: The Gathering Suggest They Smoke a Bunch of Weed Instead
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/06/b...
Breaking: New Ability Creates Artifact Token with Old Ability
Breaking: New Ability Creates Artifact Token with Old Ability
Breaking: New Ability Creates Artifact Token with Old Ability - The Bored Card
If rumors are to be trusted, anonymous sources inside Magic: The Gathering’s R&D team have leaked plans for a brand-new ability that creates an artifact token with an old ability. “People may thin...
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November 6, 2023 at 9:44 PM
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Breaking: New Ability Creates Artifact Token with Old Ability
Breaking: New Ability Creates Artifact Token with Old Ability
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/02/o...
“Okay With Proxies?” Guy Plays Card on His Phone
“Okay With Proxies?” Guy Plays Card on His Phone
"Okay With Proxies?" Guy Plays Card on His Phone - The Bored Card
In a move that has rocked the local Magic: The Gathering community, notorious “okay with proxies?” guy, Dave “Proxy King” Henderson, took unconventional gameplay to a new level last Friday nig...
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November 2, 2023 at 3:45 PM
www.theboredcard.com/2023/11/02/o...
“Okay With Proxies?” Guy Plays Card on His Phone
“Okay With Proxies?” Guy Plays Card on His Phone
www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/28/n...
New “100++” Deck Box Promises Space for Whole Commander Deck with Enough Room Left Over to Privately Breastfeed Your Baby
New “100++” Deck Box Promises Space for Whole Commander Deck with Enough Room Left Over to Privately Breastfeed Your Baby
New "100++" Deck Box Promises Space for Whole Commander Deck with Enough Room Left Over to Privately...
In a move that’s being hailed as a game-changer for parent-gamers everywhere, the latest product in TCG accessories, the “100++ Deck Box,” has hit the market with a promise that has the communit...
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October 30, 2023 at 2:17 PM
www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/28/n...
New “100++” Deck Box Promises Space for Whole Commander Deck with Enough Room Left Over to Privately Breastfeed Your Baby
New “100++” Deck Box Promises Space for Whole Commander Deck with Enough Room Left Over to Privately Breastfeed Your Baby
www.theboredcard.com/2023/10/27/g...
Graveyard-Bound Creature Asked What It Was Wearing At The Time
Graveyard-Bound Creature Asked What It Was Wearing At The Time
Graveyard-Bound Creature Asked What It Was Wearing At The Time - The Bored Card
A graveyard-bound creature card was reportedly questioned about its attire at the time of its ‘demise’ during a recent Friday Night Magic, reported sources outraged at the obvious victim blaming. ...
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October 27, 2023 at 2:16 PM
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Graveyard-Bound Creature Asked What It Was Wearing At The Time
Graveyard-Bound Creature Asked What It Was Wearing At The Time